'I've already told you that the patient next to me is an Ascian. You're taking care of him, and as well as you take care of us, from what I've seen.'
'And I've already told you that we take in animals when we can. Don't you know that human beings can lose their humanity?'
'You mean the zoanthropes. I've met some.'
'Them, of course. They give up their humanity deliberately. There are others who lose theirs without intending to, often when they think they are enhancing it, or rising to some state higher than that to which we are born. Still others, like the Ascians, have it stripped from them.'
I thought of Baldanders, plunging from his castle wall into Lake Diuturna.
'Surely these things deserve our sympathy.'
'Animals deserve our sympathy. That is why we of the order care for them. But it isn't murder for a man to kill one.'
I sat up and gripped her arm, feeling an excitement I could scarcely contain.
'Do you think that if something some arm of the Conciliator, let us say could cure human beings, it might nevertheless fail with those who are not human?'
'You mean the Claw. Close your mouth, please you make me want to laugh when you leave it open like that, and we're not supposed to when people outside the order are around.'
'You know!'
'Your nurse told me. She said you were mad, but in a nice way, and that she didn't think you would ever hurt anyone. Then I asked her about it, and she told. You have the Claw, and sometimes you can cure the sick and even raise the dead.'
'Do you believe I'm mad?'
Still smiling, she nodded.
'Why? Never mind what the Pelerine told you. Have I said anything to you tonight to make you think so?'
'Or spellbound, perhaps. It isn't anything you've said at all. Or at least, not much. But you are not just one man.'
She paused after saying that. I think she was waiting for me to deny it, but I said nothing.
'It is in your face and the way you move do you know that I don't even know your name? She didn't tell me.'
'Severian.'
'I'm Ava. Severian is one of those brother sister names, isn't it? Severian and Severa. Do you have a sister?'
'I don't know. If I do, she's a witch.'
Ava let that pass. 'The other one. Does she have a name?'
'You know she's a woman then.'
'Uh huh. When I was serving the food, I thought for a moment that one of the exultant sisters had come to help me. Then I looked around and it was you. At first it seemed that it was just when I saw you from the corner of my eye, but sometimes, while we've been sitting here, I see her even when I'm looking right at you. When you glance to one side sometimes you vanish, and there's a tall, pale woman using your face. Please don't tell me I fast overmuch. That's what they all tell me, and it isn't true, and even if it were, this isn't that.'
'Her name is Thecla. Do you remember what you were just saying about losing humanity? Were you trying to tell me about her?'
Ava shook her head. 'I don't think so. But I wanted to ask you something. There was another patient here like you, and they told me he came with you.'
'Miles, you mean. No, my case and his are quite different. I won't tell you about him. He should do it himself, or no one should. But I will tell you about myself. Do you know of the corpse-eaters?'
'You're not one of them. A few weeks ago we had three insurgent captives. I know what they're like.'
'How do we differ?'
'With them ' She groped for words. 'With them it's out of control. They talk to themselves of course a lot of people do and they look at things that aren't there. There's something lonely about it, and something selfish. You aren't one of them.'
'But I am,' I said. And I told her, without going into much detail, of Vodalus's banquet.
'They made you,' she said when I was through. 'If you had shown what you felt, they would have killed you.'
'That doesn't matter. I drank the alzabo. I ate her flesh. And at first it was filthy, as you say, though I had loved her. She was in me, and I shared the life that had been hers, and yet she was dead. I could feel her rotting there. I had a wonderful dream of her on the first night; when I go back among my memories it is one the things I treasure most. Afterward, there was something horrible, and sometimes I seemed to be dreaming while I was awake that was the talking and staring you mentioned, I think. Now, and for a long time, she seems alive again, but inside me.'
'I don't think the others are like that.'
'I don't either,' I said. 'At least, not from what I've heard of them. There are a great many things I do not understand. What I have told you is one of the chief ones.'
Ava was quiet for the space of two or three breaths, then her eyes opened wide.
