You’re Looking Very Well

Given the many problems, physical and mental, linked to old age, we need to look at how the old actually live.

4. Living

‘Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth’

— W. Somerset Maugham

The Greek poet Anacreon (c. 572–488 BC) wrote one of the earliest poems about old age, and it strikes a cheerful note:

Oft am I by the women told
‘Poor Anacreon! thou growest old;
Look; how thy hairs are falling all;
Poor Anacreon, how they fall!’–
And manage wisely the last stake.
Whether I grow old or no,
By the effects I do not know;
But this I know, without being told,
’Tis time to live, if I grow old;
’Tis time short pleasures now to take,
Of little life the best to make.

A happy old age is what many people spend their lives preparing for, particularly with regard to financial security and good health. But what is our lifestyle? How varied is it and is there much pleasure still to be had as one ages? Can one enjoy old age? This is an important question. There are at present 10 million in the UK over 65 and there will be double that in ten years’ time. There are one million over 85.

Nobody wants to be old, but old age doesn’t have to be a time of despair. Joan Bakewell offers a positive view: ‘In their leisure time, the old aren’t just boozing and cruising: the hardier spirits are climbing mountains, visiting the pole, meeting sponsored challenges. I have a friend in his late seventies who has recently taken up tap-dancing.’ I interviewed Joan after she had been asked to become ‘the voice of older people’:

When I was 70 I wanted to reinvent myself, it was time to start something new. So I managed to start a column in the Guardian called ‘Just Seventy’. It was up to me to have the idea—no one was going to come to me with it. My column was about being 70 and all the things you have to adjust to. For example, for women I wrote about them having to give up high heels, and children, and other changes. Also old women become socially invisible when they have lost their high heels. Sheila Hancock says she always asks for a corner table and then others around her will have been served before anyone has even brought her the menu. My columns were eventually put into a book which is still in print. And then the government in 2008 came to me— Harriet Harman phoned and said parliament was trying to outlaw ageism and would I be the voice of the older people. I only agreed to do it part-time as I wanted to continue to do my own work. I said I would pass on to her everything they tell me. I no longer do it.

There are important differences between men and women as they get old. Their patterns diverge as men remain fertile, have children, have second wives, have a renewing life. Women know that they are no longer biologically needed and so they are in a psychological sense ready to grow old. I am rather against that. They can start to wear clothes designed for older people, sensible, rather neutral clothes that do not have any style to them, like your mother and grandmother did, but many are becoming more fashion conscious. I colour my hair as that keeps you looking a bit younger.

A lot of people worry about money, it’s almost biological. They worry if they will have enough and where it is going to come from. The state pension is tiny and many have to live a lifestyle on a tiny amount of money. There is a sense of loss, things are not what they were—your children have flown the nest and your grandchildren have grown up. Living on your own as I do can present problems unless you have an attitude towards it. Many worry about how they will be right at the end of their lives and not being able to look after themselves—that is what I am making a TV programme about. Will they have to sell their house to pay for a carer, which is very expensive? Will they have to go into care? And that spoils their pleasure in being quite comfortable, having time on their hands, going out, playing golf. The absence of a competitive compulsion in life to do and achieve can make one much more relaxed. I do not get bored—too many books to read and films to see.

One feature of getting old is that your contemporaries die, and I have begun to make friends with younger people. New friendships are a blessing in old age. I am set on continuing to my mid-nineties—will keep working, travel—but I have signed the documents for non-resuscitation should I get very ill and go, for example into a coma. I am for euthanasia and support dignity in dying.

An important book that gives accounts of a diverse number of individuals’ views of ageing is About Time: Growing Old Disgracefully by Irma Kurtz. She herself wrote: ‘Talking to men and women of my generation, I am struck again and again about how we shed freight from that heavy goods vehicle, memory, as we age and gently drift back to early events that were the making of us. Growing old, as it separates us from the world, returns us to our original selves.’

Some researchers into the psychology and social aspects of ageing have distinguished between a third and a fourth age. In the third age, retirees from the work force are in relatively good health and are socially engaged, and it is a time of personal achievement and fulfilment—‘You’re looking very well.’ In the fourth age, usually over 85, there is the onset of most of the negative stereotypes of old age—functional breakdown of the psychological system, loss of positive wellbeing, psychological dependence on others, poor memory and impaired reasoning. Physical and mental deterioration are what we fear most, but in fact many over 85 are well and active, and many of today’s pensioners enjoy a financial security unheard of in earlier generations. No association has been found between levels of mental ability when young and reported happiness when old. Quite the opposite has been found with health, as there is a high correlation between intelligence when young and good health when old.

Very old people rarely, it is said, covet status, rank or wealth. For many there is no longer the the problem of either looking for or having to work. There is much less anger and anxiety as one becomes more experienced, and understands so much more about life. Then there is the pleasure of becoming a grandparent, and the possibility of pursuing new interests Curiously, the old do not partake of the arts as much as those who are younger. Only a quarter of those aged over 75 have been to a museum or gallery in the last year. But equally, a quarter of those over 75 are involved in volunteering at least once a month for community activities.

Even at age 75-plus, a majority of people do not think of themselves as old, and many think of themselves as quite a few years younger. Perceptions do matter, and many are concerned that as they age they will lose respect and their health will deteriorate. Those who think of themselves as younger than their actual age have better health than those who think of themselves as older. Which comes first, the attitude to age or the better health, will only be settled as more longitudinal data become available.

ELSA (English Longitudinal Study of Ageing) found that about half the population of people 52 years and over describe ageing as a positive experience, and this contradicts a widely held belief that ageing is a negative process. But while ageing is described as negative by a minority, negative experiences of ageing are far more common amongst the poorest than the richest. Only one in five worry about growing older, but health is a key feature in their lives. The young perceive old age to start at 68, while the old see it as 75. Three fifths of those aged 80 and older were very positive about their health. A majority believe retirement is a time of leisure. The wealthier think it starts later than those not so wealthy. For many of the old ‘ninety’ is the new ‘seventy’ and these nonagenarians can be