'Have you been replaced by a Colin-shaped robot duplicate?'
'What's the matter, Amelia?' He smiled down at me. His eyes were blue and warm.
'A whole hour has gone by, and you haven't used the word 'breast' or even 'nipple' once in the conversation. You said 'Please' earlier this evening. I heard it. It's like seeing a wild boar use a litter box.
Has someone domesticated you?'
He grinned his normal the-devil-may-care-but-Colin-does-not-care grin and said, 'Well, Amy, being poked by Dr. Fell and sneered at by Boggin and ear-pulled by the porcelain Daw, and ruler-whipped by baggy Mrs. Wren gets to a fellow after a while. I was never the teacher's pet like you were, and I couldn't be the iceman like Victor. And I couldn't even shut up and keep my head down like Big Q.
Vanity could hypnotize the male teachers and staff with her industrial-strength, king-sized breasts, of course, or threaten to hose down rioters with milk from her nipples. What did I have? I could take the heat for you guys. So I took it.'
'Took what?'
'You know. When you guys got in trouble, I would throw myself on the hand grenade for you. When you broke some small rule, I'd break some huge rule, and you'd get off with a little delicate slap on your little delicate wrist while I went into the hotbox.'
'Hotbox' was Colin's word for solitary detention in the library, which, in summer, was quite hot.
'Then when I got out of the hotbox, you guys would be finishing up some game I was too late to get into, or you'd be playing tennis doubles and there was no room for me. If I didn't make a fuss, you guys ignored me. And if I did make a fuss, Amelia the Great Blond Valkyrie would kick my ass. That was back in the days when your arms were longer than mine.'
'You must be from a parallel universe, Colin. None of it happened that way.'
'You think I made trouble for myself because I like trouble? You think I enjoyed having Mr. Glum threaten me with an awl?'
'When did Mr. Glum ever threaten you with an awl?'
'The time he thought I stole his pornography magazines he had hidden in his tool shed.'
'You did what?'
'Now you are doing it again, Amy. Instead of, 'Thank you, Colin, for deflecting trouble from me,' now you are trying to change the subject to Mr. Glum's pornography. Anyway, that is why. Every day before today, I've been under someone's boot Now the boot is gone. I'm a new man. Want to feel my new manhood, Amy-doll?
I said, 'Don't call me Amy.'
'Melly?'
'No.'
'Melanomia.'
'No.'
'Melon breasts. Megamammary.'
'You just turned back into the boar. The dance is over.'
'The music is still playing!'
'The dance is over for you and me. Take me back to my chair.'
He walked me back, frowning.
But then, at the chair, I turned and I kissed his cheek, and said, 'Thank you, Colin, for deflecting trouble from me.'
He said, 'You're welcome. Oh, and, Amelia…'
He kissed me on the lips. Before I could decide whether to pull away or not, he just kissed me, just like that. He was certainly a better kisser than Quentin in midair, or Vanity. It was warm and nice, and I felt my limbs go soft, so he put his arms around me to hold me.
He pulled his head back.
'Damn you,' I said. I had been trying to save at least one of my first few kisses for Victor.
He just grinned his little half-grin. 'You are welcome, too. Thanks for breaking us out of Devil's Island.'
'Let go of me.'
He put me back on my feet. 'About that favor you owe me… ?'
I looked at him. 'Yes?'
'What did you promise exactly? And did it involve a can of chilled whipped cream, warm fudge, and a lot of licking?'
A girl can only take a finite amount of Colin at a time.
2.
There were more wonders aboard the finest ship afloat on the second day. One of the meals (breakfast or luncheon, I do not recall which) was served buffet style, so that I could eat what I chose, as much as I chose, and go back for seconds without asking anyone's leave. They had slabs of peach pie with ice cream for breakfast (or perhaps it was lunch). I ate my dessert before I ate my meal, and was certain that Caesar's concubines in all their pampered luxury did not know such a sheer decadence as that.
