“What you need to do is figure out why the hell you’re so obsessed with this girl. There needs to be reasons why this is worth the trouble.” Moquest held up a hand. “But don’t tell me. I’m sick of hearing about you two. Just think it over while I finish kicking your ass.”
Jay drank his lager as he watched Moquest sink all the striped balls, then the solids just to show off. He also pondered Moquest’s question. It certainly was a fair one, and one he’d never thought to reflect on or bring under analysis. It had always been a feeling, a knowing, a way of living, a state of being: in love with Kimber. The why and all its logic never before factored in.
Now, in lieu of all that happened, he found it only fair to dwell on the answer, although he was scared to learn what it was that really mattered to him, scared at the thought of possibly wasting a decade loving the wrong person, scared of having to face the fact that he ruined a lifetime with the right one.
But he did it anyway. He allowed himself to think of all the things he loved about Kimber, like her infectious laugh and how she made even the most ordinary, day-to-day things seem fun. In a town of inhabitants with the imaginations of sea-soaked driftwood, she was the sole beacon of endless fascination for him, like finding a long- lost Alphonse Mucha original at a garage sale. He found her incredibly beautiful, with her blonde hair, gold-brown eyes, curvy form, and that mouth-damn. It was no surprise the casino bar goers plunked down their hard-won cash in the form of generous tips every time she flashed them a flirty smile.
Furthering her attractiveness was how she lived her life. She brimmed with an energy and vivacity so strong it would be damn near exhausting if it weren’t so intoxicating. He liked that he could bring her to the park and trust her to derive meaning from it, and that she had ambition to go back to school and open her own bar someday, even if drama with Dane had put those goals on hold. He even liked her fluctuating mood swings, how one moment she’d be consumed with sadness over thoughts of her mortality and a half hour later she would be draping her sweater over her head so it looked like beautiful blue hair and positioning a maple leaf over the crotch of her pajama pants, announcing, “Hello, I’m Eve.” Kimber made the most ordinary events seem special, which is how she once coerced him into an evening spent wearing their bathing suits in a bubble bath together, while they colored on the walls with washable crayons and drank strawberry milk out of beer glasses. Not that he’d needed much coercion to get in a tub with Kimber, but the event had hardly been sexual, with Kimber next to him, splashing her chin over and over to create a waterfall beard and proclaiming to be Poseidon. Nevertheless, the moment had definitely made him fall more in love with her.
She wasn’t always selfless, but when she wanted to be, she gave all of herself. He would never forget his twenty-first birthday, when she gave him a silver flask engraved with his initials and a glittery, homemade “Jay’s Wish Candle” in the middle of a plate of chocolate chip cookies served with mudslide mix blended with half a bottle of peppermint schnapps. She’d given him a tutorial on delivering the perfect hug as well as head that had made him see stars. He liked how she could somehow make doing a favor for her something to look forward to. Actually, he both loved and hated that.
On that note, there were several things he didn’t love so much about her, like her taste in guys, her insecurity, and her tendency to dwell on her problems. But these attributes were so inherently part of Kimber he couldn’t imagine or prefer her without them.
“You come up with anything?” Moquest cut into his reverie, and Jay took note how his friend was already setting up another game, which was likely to be one-sided.
“I guess.” Jay nodded, his voice rusty.
“And what you came up with-is it all worth it?”
“Yeah.” He didn’t even hesitate.
“Then why are you giving up?”
“I’m not giving up.” The words were an automatic defense, but it wasn’t until they were out of his mouth did he realize how much he meant them. “I’m not giving up.”
Moquest smirked and pushed the pool stick back in Jay’s hand. “Then man up and do something about it.”
Jay knew his friend was right. When faced with the choice between a life with Kimber and one without her, there was no choice at all.
Now if only he could convince her to feel the same way.
Kimber arrived at Moquest’s party, feeling anything but celebratory. Her faded jeans, vintage Yellowstone Park T-shirt, and flip-flops made her feel like an outsider compared to the other guests. The girls were decked out in tank tops and skirts and surrounded by frosted-haired boys wearing Abercrombie polos and too much Axe. They looked carefree and full of bliss, too-another difference between her and them, and an important one. Were they really enjoying themselves, or were they just that good at pretending? How were they able to put their troubles out of their minds?
She heaved an impatient sigh and fought through the crowd. A Sublime song pulsed from the speakers, and everyone in the vicinity erupted into a sing-along. She’d witnessed this sort of phenomenon happen before, yet it never failed to surprise her. It wasn’t even a song that received a lot of radio airplay aside from college stations, and even then it had to be heavily edited to the point of no recognition. Still, everyone’s shoulders moved to the relaxed groove like they were one.
A generic hot girl, with too-straight hair and a beakish nose that was overlooked in favor of her size-zero midriff, scrambled atop the coffee table, which wobbled beneath all ninety-five pounds of her. She swayed to the beat, using her beer bottle as a microphone as she sang the Spanish verses dead-on but in a painful, off-key voice reminiscent of a cat piano, the felines screaming their pain in different note as their tails were yanked.
But her spectacle was the stuff of male arousal. Moquest, for one, dropped to his knees below her and reached for her as he thrust his pelvis in her direction. It didn’t take much, yet somehow it took more than Kimber even knew and she suddenly felt guilty, like an interloper stumbling upon a tribe’s sacred mating ritual she had no understanding of.
The girl drunkenly teetered off the table and landed in Moquest’s arms with a dizzy spin, and they both laughed, holding each other tight in a way that meant more than just sex. It dawned on Kimber that the girl was likely the naughty nurse who’d replaced the saucy stripper. Kimber had heard via casino gossip that Moquest had been raving about her to anyone with ears the past few weeks, and she had been expecting the nurse to give Helen of Troy a run for her dough, with hair done up in jewels, a face holding perfect symmetry, and not a tan line in sight. However, his latest ladylove looked like any other toned, giggly barfly with a vodka blush staining her cheeks. Still, they looked happy, and that was more Kimber could say for herself.
Moquest and his nurse straightened, and Kimber tapped him on the shoulder. He whirled around, a giant grin on his face as his eyes lit up. His genuine, undisguised happiness was almost enough to lift her mood, but not quite. She tossed her hands up and slapped them against her thighs. “Well, here I am.”
“I see that.” He pointed to the ceiling. “Just head on up to my room.”
“Yeah, right. The last time I did that-”
“-you couldn’t thank me enough.” Moquest smirked and crossed his arms over his expansive chest, his stance challenging her to defy him.
She narrowed her eyes at him, her annoyance and frustration mounting. “Matthew-”
“Just go on.” He spared a few moments to leave his new squeeze, spin Kimber around, and guide her toward the narrow staircase. “Don’t be shy.”
“There’s a different between being shy and being weirded out.” Kimber jogged up the steps, having no other choice with Moquest behind her, steering her to the second floor.
“You know, I don’t really like your Negative Nancy attitude. You should go back to being slutty, skirt-over-your- head Kimber. You were more fun then.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m going to kill you.”
“Wow, good thing you put a disclaimer on that or else I would’ve been totally scared.” Moquest paused outside his closed bedroom door and gestured to it. “Well?”
Kimber eyed him with mistrust as she slowly gave the knob a twist. As soon as the door cracked, Moquest’s hands were on her back, shoving her inside and slamming the door behind her.
She whipped around and slapped the door. “Why are you such a freak?”
Her response was the click of a key turning in the lock and Moquest’s cackle.
