“Callie…,” said Jack behind me. “What are you doing?”
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m sorry about Shimmy and about running out on you.”
“You left.” I shrugged. “You got caught, and Shimmy saved us both. What else is there to talk about?”
“It’s my fault Hannah’s dead.”
That turned me around. Jack stood in the middle of all that fancy furniture, his shoes sinking into the thick carpet. He hunched his shoulders up and stuffed his hands in his pockets, like he was trying to make himself even skinnier than he was, maybe so skinny he’d disappear.
“My family didn’t just run liquor during Prohibition; they made it. It was cheaper that way, and the syndicate bosses didn’t really care if you made a little on the side, as long as the good stuff from across the border got to the right warehouses.
“When I wasn’t out helping with the deliveries, it was my job to stay home and watch Hannah, and the stills. Moonshine stills… you gotta watch them close. If the steam pressure gets too high, you’ll ruin the brew, and the still can explode.” He licked his lips and took a deep, shuddery breath.
“I was supposed to keep Hannah out of the basement. I was supposed to keep an eye on the stills. But she was being a pain. She wanted me to play dolls, and I wanted to read, and I hated the cellar. There were rats and… I thought I’d locked the door. I always did, and it had always been all right before. But Hannah got down there and I guess she was playing with the knobs, or maybe there was a pressure buildup…
“The explosion shook the whole house, and by the time I got through the cellar door, the fire was burning, and she was… she was…” He didn’t finish. He didn’t have to. “That was when Dad started laying down the beatings, and Mom started drinking harder, and the government said they were gonna repeal Prohibition, and the bosses were saying they had other work for my brothers and me and… I couldn’t stand it. I ran out and hopped a freighter. I thought maybe I could just get away from everything. But you can’t get away from a thing that’s your own fault.”
There were all kinds of things I should have said right then. Because way down inside I knew that what had happened wasn’t Jack’s fault. None of it. Not just with Morgan and Shimmy, but also with Hannah. Not really. I mean, what were his folks even thinking, leaving a kid alone with stills and a little sister? Mama might have kept me holed up in the Imperial, but she looked after me and did her best to keep me safe however she could. Jack’s parents were running ’shine and making their kids drive the car. It was plain crazy.
But saying any of that would have meant I still cared about Jack, and I didn’t want to care. Not after the rabbit drive and Shimmy. Not after he’d up and left me.
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Hannah followed me. I see her every night in my dreams. And when I met you and found out about the Seelie and saw that movie, I thought… maybe they do have her. Maybe that’s why I can’t get rid of the nightmares. I had to try to find out, don’t you see? That’s why I left. I told myself you had Shimmy, you’d do all right. Hannah only had me. I had to get to her. But Morgan caught me instead.”
I couldn’t figure out where the anger was coming from, but it had a tight hold on me. It didn’t matter he’d been scared. It didn’t matter he thought the little sister he loved was being held prisoner. What mattered was he’d left me all on my own with a woman he didn’t trust. He’d barely even tried to get me to go with him, and if he had made it out to California, well, he wouldn’t have come back, would he? The only person who’d never run out on me, who’d stood up to everything that came after me, was Shimmy, and because of Jack Holland, Shimmy was dead and she hadn’t even gotten to take Bull Morgan down with her.
Maybe if I’d thought about all that slow and straight, it wouldn’t have made much sense, but I was way past thinking straight.
“It doesn’t matter.” The words came out even and hard. Three words to let him know that if he left, he was on his own. I wouldn’t be coming after him any more than he had come back for me. “You do what you gotta. I don’t care anymore.”
“What’re you going to do?” he asked.
“I’m going to eat dinner, and then I’m going to find my grandparents.”
“How do you even know where to look?”
I pulled out the paper I’d found in Shimmy’s purse and laid it on the table.
Jack stared at it. “Oh, now that just can’t be right.”
Because the flyer read:
KANSAS CITY DANCE MARATHON!
WHO WILL BE THE LAST ONES STANDING?
FABULOUS PRIZES
THRILLS, SUSPENSE, AIR-COOLING
MUSIC BY KANSAS CITY’S OWN
BILL “COUNT” BASIE AND HIS BAND
Starting April 14, 8 o’clock
AT
FAIRYLAND
KANSAS CITY’S PREMIER AMUSEMENT PARK!
“It’s right,” I said. “And that’s where I’m going.”
22
Jack tried to tell me that we-meaning I-needed to be careful. That we shouldn’t just go rushing off through the streets. After all, he said, Bull Morgan was still out there.
As if I’d forgotten that for one minute. The truth was, I hoped Bull Morgan would find us. I really did. I hoped he’d come right up to me like I was still that frightened little girl he’d chased through the dust. I’d show him what was what. I told myself that the only reason I didn’t go out looking for him was that it was more important I find my grandparents. I was telling myself all kinds of things right then. Telling myself things was like the wishing magic. The more I did it, the easier it got.
We ate our steak dinner. Well, I ate mine. Jack picked at his. You’d think he would’ve been grateful I let him stick around after he’d run out on me and Shimmy like that. I wasn’t sure why I did, really. Maybe I just wanted him to see how wrong he’d actually been.
It took a while to get ready for going out. The fancy new clothes were pretty complicated to get into. There was the slip, petticoats, and frilly drawers to sort out. The green velvet dress I’d chosen had prickly starched lace cuffs and a collar that had to be attached separately, and there were about a million silver buttons up the back. Then came the white stockings and the patent-leather Mary Janes.
My hair wasn’t cooperating either. The Savoy’s pretty gold-and-white vanity table was outfitted with brushes and combs and a big jar of pomade, in case some fine lady forgot hers. After a whole lot of wrestling, I managed to get my hair into one long braid and coil it up on my head like Mama did when we went to church at Christmastime. My hands shook as I worked the strands of the braid. I hadn’t really thought about Mama in days. I wondered where she was now, and what the Seelie were doing to her. I wondered if they were even keeping her and Papa in the same place.
I told myself this was best, even if it took a little longer. Even with my new hold over my magic, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do on my own, was there? If I couldn’t even keep Shimmy alive, how was I going to pull my parents away from the same things that could bring Bull Morgan back from the dead?
I fixed my braid with a mess of pins, then added a headband that sparkled with green glass gems. I had white gloves with pearl buttons, and a silver locket with a matching bracelet.
I smiled at the girl in the mirror and she smiled back. But I didn’t know who she was. She was pretty, I guess.
