Miguel holds up his hands as if also unwilling to enter the dangerous territory of prophecy. “Anyway, I lost my temper. After so long, finding out… Now I wish I’d had the chance to ask him more. You see, when it comes down to it, I don’t doubt his word. I suppose that now I’ll never know more about my real parents. Funny sometimes how understanding always arrives a little bit too late.” Two gulps and his new cup of wine is emptied. “Come,” he says, standing up. “I’ve some people I want you to meet.”
As I stare into his drunken eyes, I realize that my master had presented this young nobleman with a dreaded truth. Was death his punishment for destroying an illusion?
“First, some questions,” I say.
“As you wish.” He bows forward, as if he’s my servant.
“You say you were angry when he told you,” I begin.
“Yes, wouldn’t you have been?” he replies.
“For now, Dom Miguel, my hypothetical responses are irrelevant. Where were you Sunday when the riot began?”
“Ah, I understand the direction of your questions.” He feigns pulling an arrow from his chest, laughs too deeply. “Very well. I was at home. Then, when the Dominicans started burning in the Rossio, I set out for here. Berekiah, I’d just been told I was a Jew. Wouldn’t you have…”
“Who came with you?” I demand.
“No one.”
“Then you’ve no witness who can confirm your story.”
Dom Miguel grins, straightens up and unfastens the thick laces of his leather codpiece with the heavy clumsiness given to him by a stomach sloshing with wine. He reveals his sex, lifts up the circumcised tip as if offering me a rose and says, “
“Not good enough.
Dom Miguel laughs from his gut.
I roll my eyes at the man’s drunken idiocy. Unconcerned, he begins to lace up his codpiece, his eyes squinting at his fingers as they stumble over their work. Finished, he drops to his chair with a great sigh, stares at me with a yearning expression for far too long, as if he’s trying to invade my thoughts. Everything about this debauched aristocrat irritates me. What I dislike most is that he hasn’t a clue as to who he really is.
As if shot from an arrow, the thought comes to me:
“Look, my friend,” he begins. “Would I kill the only man who could tell me the truth about my parents? If you believe that, you’re a fool!”
“My uncle was the only one who knew you were a Jew…who could prove it! Kill him, and your secret is safe!”
“Berekiah, do I need to show you my covenant with the Lord again? And others knew about it. A boy growing up with servants…people see. They don’t speak about it, but they see. In fact, my covenant is greater proof than all the documents in the King’s archives.” He stands, pounds his fist on the table. “I didn’t kill your uncle! If I did, then why don’t I kill you now?
To this, I can come up with no reply worthy of speech.
“Come with me!” he says. “I must show you something.”
Dom Miguel leads me into a crowded sitting room. Tired-eyed men, women and children offer me solemn, acknowledging nods. Smiles blossom fleetingly, then dry and fade. My host whispers to me, “No need for fear, we are all New Christians here.” To them, he announces, “This is Berekiah, a friend from the Judiaria Pequena.”
A dark, almond-eyed man with a scruffy beard dotted with oat flakes stands and asks, “Do you know Mira and Luna Alvalade? They must live near you.”
“Yes, but I haven’t seen them lately,” I reply.
“They’re my cousins. They…I…” His words trail off.
“When I get back to Lisbon, I’ll try to find out how they are and get word to Dom Miguel.”
“What about Dr. Montesinhos?” asks a handsome woman with a shawl of russet-colored lace wrapped protectively around her head.
“I’m afraid he’s dead. I’m sorry.”
In quivering voices, most of the others gather the courage to ask about friends and relatives. I dispense the news that I can, record the names in my Torah memory so that I can find out about them after I have disembarked fully on the shores of vengeance.
Miguel takes my shoulder, whispers to me, “They’re all from Carnide and Pontinha and other nearby villages. When riots broke out, they came here for shelter. I spread the word that no one would be turned away, armed some of the men as soon as they got here.”
“The horse in the stables?” I enquire.
He grins. “Discourages both the curious and the enraged. Same with the skull carved on the tree.” Miguel belches again, hits himself in the chest. He unfurls his hand to indicate his guests and shakes his head. He whispers into my ear, “They don’t want to leave. One of these days, I suppose I’ll have to kick them out.”
“And is there no more killing in Lisbon?” an intelligent-looking teenage girl suddenly asks me. For a moment, it seems as if God has chosen her to ask this question of me; the room becomes eerily silent. It’s as if we’ve become a congregation assembled to await an answer from the Lord himself. “Its reasonably safe,” I say. I know that this isn’t the answer they want, but it is all I have.
“What does ‘reasonably’ mean anymore?!” the man with the scruffy beard demands angrily.
“As safe as it’s going to be for a while,” I reply. “As safe as the world can be for Jews until the Messiah comes.”
A murmur passes through the room as if I’ve now given the correct response. And yet, what if our faith in His coming is nothing but the hope of the forever shipwrecked?
Miguel and I settle onto a rug by the hearth as the guests talk amongst themselves again. He whispers to me, “If I had killed your uncle, do you think I would have saved all these people?”
“To atone for the sin of murder, you might save all Israel,” I reply.
He closes his eyes tight, as if to shut out the world.
I can see I’ve wounded him. But in my state, the anguish of strangers means little to me, and whatever sympathy beats in my heart doesn’t reach as far as my voice. “My uncle wrote you a letter,” I say dryly. “I brought it to your mansion last Sunday, but your servants said you were out. Uncle Abraham said for me to show it only to you.”
My host opens his eyes. They are red and weary. “Did he tell you what it said?” he asks in a hopeless monotone.
“The letter is guarded inside my memory,” I reply, and I repeat it to him, word for word.
Inexplicably, he laughs from his gut when I’ve finished. “Your uncle asked whether I’d be interested in going into business with him,” he says. He stares at me as if surprised suddenly by my presence. “Yes, you are handsome. It would have been hard to have refused you. He was clever. What he asked had something to do with parcels. And the angel named Metatron mentioned in the letter. And trips to Genoa, I believe. Somewhere on the Italian peninsula. I’m sure I said ‘no,’ but I don’t really recall what exactly it was he was proposing. My mind was racing between the past and present. So many things began to make sense.” He grips my shoulder. “Berekiah, you know that moment when you stop translating a foreign language in your head and you understand the words without thinking? It was just like that. I suddenly understood the cool distance of my adoptive parents, their reticence to travel with me, the shadowed whispers behind closed doors as they put me to bed.”
“So when the riot broke out, you…?”
“I panicked. I mean, I had just found out that I was Jewish and then there’s this pyre in the Rossio rising toward the rooftops of Lisbon. It seemed like it was lit just for me. Strange the sensations you have when the past no longer is yours…when it’s been changed and your own history has been rewritten. So I rode out here.”
“Did my uncle mention anyone else when he spoke with you… other names?”
Dom Miguel shakes his head with exaggerated force.
“No one else? A priest…other Jews? Think hard.”
“I wasn’t paying much attention. He wanted me to travel for him. Because of my connections, it’s easy for
