forever just as we were meant to be.
“No.”
The word came out as a wheeze, no louder than a breath, but Eli knew that Benehime heard. The moment he spoke, her body went stiff beneath him, her white fingers frozen in his hair.
What was that, love?
The words were sweet, but the threat looming behind them resonated down to Eli’s bones. He began to tremble, and for a moment he almost fell back to the old false compliments and appeasements. But then, clear as day, he saw Karon, still lost by her hand. He saw the nameless old Spiritualist, his wrinkled face wide with shock just before he crumbled to dust, his rings crying as Benehime crushed them beneath her white feet. He saw himself lying in her lap, being petted forever. No bounty, no fame, no freedom, no Josef or Nico or even Miranda. Nothing but Benehime’s hand petting him like a dog forever and ever and ever.
The horrible vision gave him strength, and Eli pulled himself from her hands. He sat up with a pained sigh, rubbing his eyes hard as his surroundings came into focus. He was in Benehime’s white world, no surprises there. Behind him, he could hear Benehime seething. Eli took another breath and turned, steeling himself against her rage, but as he faced her, he caught something out of the corner of his eye that stopped him cold.
Benehime’s sphere hung in the air behind her, the miniature seas and forests and mountains tiny and perfect as ever, but it was no longer alone. Floating beside it was a second sphere. It was tiny compared to the original, barely larger than a marble, but inside its delicate curving sky was a tiny world more beautiful than anything Eli had ever seen.
A sparkling blue sea lay along a golden coastline. Jewel-like corals sparkled beneath the gentle waves, and the beach was lined with beautifully colored reeds, each stalk as wispy as spun silk. Beyond the reeds, a field of grass so green Eli couldn’t help wanting to roll in it stretched off into gentle hills. Waterfalls tumbled into streams that flowed toward a snaking, shining river whose water was pure and crystal clear. Above the gentle hills was a deep forest, its tall treetops wrapped in silver mist.
After the forest, the land rose dramatically, forming a beautiful rising line before suddenly going strangely flat, as though something were missing. Otherwise, it was perfect, a dream landscape born of a painter’s imagined paradise. Just looking at the soft grass and clear water made Eli’s heart ache with longing until it was all he could do not to cry.
Isn’t it beautiful?
Benehime’s whisper was right in his ear, and Eli jumped only to find she’d pressed herself against his back. Her arm encircled his waist, trapping him against her as she reached out with her free hand to brush her fingers against the tiny, perfect sphere.
As much as he hated to ask her anything, Eli couldn’t help himself. “What is it?” he whispered, his voice a hoarse croak.
Benehime dusted a butterfly kiss against his cheek. Paradise.
Her white finger slid across the sphere’s surface, petting it just as she had pet his hair. I made it for us, she whispered, cuddling him closer. A perfect world all our own, filled with my favorite spirits. It’s not finished yet, though. The mountain is the last touch I need. As soon as Durain stops being stubborn, we’ll be ready.
Eli jerked. Durain was the Shaper Mountain, the Lord of all Mountains, the star. He thought of the Awakened Wood’s panic, the strange flooding in Zarin, and everything became painfully clear.
“You made this from stars?” he whispered, voice shaking.
Of course, Benehime said. Nothing else is worthy.
“But what about the spirits?” The words were out of Eli’s mouth before he could stop them. He didn’t care. All he could think about was Slorn’s beautiful golden trees tearing themselves apart.
“The stars are the greatest spirits, the roots of the world.” His voice was rising now. “You made this system. You bragged to me years ago that you set your mark on the stars and tied the other spirits to them so you wouldn’t have to watch everything all the time. You built this house of cards with the stars at the bottom, and now you’re just yanking them out? Do you even care about what that will do to the rest of the world?”
No.
The quickness of the answer made Eli jump. Benehime’s weight vanished from Eli’s back, and he spun around to see she was leaning back with her head lowered, her hair falling over her like a shroud.
I’m tired, Eliton, she whispered. I’ve been Shepherdess for over five thousand years now. It was never supposed to be like this. I was never supposed to rule so long. Five hundred years, Father said. A thousand at most, and then he’d be back to save us, to free us from the prison. But he never came back.
“Father?” Eli said, bewildered. “You have a father?”
Of course, Benehime said. The Creator brought forth my brothers and me from his own body, each of us created to do our job. The Hunter hunts, the Weaver weaves, and I shepherd the spirits in his absence.
Benehime’s hand drifted to the larger of her spheres, her fingers running along the curve of the sky. This isn’t even the world, she said wearily. Creation used to be larger than your mind can comprehend. It stretched on forever, as full of spirits as the sky was full of stars. I was born into that world, and for one shining moment I saw things as they were meant to be.
Her voice was so full of sorrow and loss that Eli reached out without thinking, brushing her shoulder with his fingers. “What happened?”
Benehime leaned into his touch. All was lost, she said. Everything that is left of the world that was is held in this sphere. Her hand stroked the larger of the two floating worlds. A fragile shell, a tiny seed, an ark that was supposed to shelter us until the Creator could restore his creation. That’s why he made my brothers and me. We were to maintain and tend what remained in his absence. Just until he could return, he said. But he never did.
Benehime raised her head, gazing up into the white nothing above them. I worked for thousands of years in the hope of seeing the night full of stars again, but as the years wore on and the Creator did not return, the spirits began to degrade. Locked in this tiny orb, this cell, they fell deeper and deeper into sleep, and I could do nothing but take the blame.
I’m tired, she said again, taking her hand from the orb to cup his face. Tired of hoping, tired of waiting. I’m tired of managing the demon, tired of keeping things calm. I’ve been so tired for so long, I think I was actually starting to die. But then, without warning, everything changed.
Her white eyes filled with love. I found you, she whispered, stroking Eli’s cheek with her burning fingers. You were the only thing in all the world that loved me without prompt or knowledge, without fear. The night I found you in the forest, you embraced me without hesitation, without knowing what I was. You were so beautiful, so bright, I felt alive again for the first time in a thousand years. I loved you instantly, loved you so much that I would give up the world just to see you smile. That was when I knew it was over.
Eli swallowed. “Over?”
I’m tired of being the Shepherdess, Benehime said. So I’m not going to anymore. I’m done.
Eli stared at her, his brain scrambling for purchase as she turned his world on its head. “You can’t be done!” he cried. “You’re the Shepherdess. You protect and support every living thing in the world!”
I did, and far longer than I was supposed to. The Shepherdess shook her head. It doesn’t matter. Even if I stay, nothing changes. The Great Spirits grow weaker, the weak spirits fall into sleep and never wake, the world crumbles into entropy with or without me. Better I save what I can now.
Her other hand shot out and wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Don’t you see, Eli? she said. I’m saving the best of creation. The paradise I’ve built is small enough that I can support the entire thing with my will alone. It will be a world without death or suffering, a world without the demon. A world where everything loves me and I am free to love you with nothing in my way.
“But what about the rest?” Eli said, trying to jerk away. “What about the seas and the mountains and the plains and the people who aren’t stars?”
Why should I care for them? Benehime said, holding him firm. All I love is safe in the paradise I’ve made, except for you. She slid her hands down to his shoulders, her long nails digging into his arms. Come with me. I can’t wait to show you the world I’ve made for us. A world just for you and me, ours alone, forever.
Eli went stiff against her, his head tilting up to look at her face.
She smiled down at him, shining with love. I’m sorry I had to be so cruel before, she whispered, kissing his forehead. But that’s all over now. Look.
