somebody I cared about was going to die.
“My mom tried to kill herself. There was a note.”
“Oh, shit. Honey, I can’t even tell you how sorry I am.”
“Thanks.” I held him tight, listening to the strength of his heartbeat, taking in the scent of soap, shampoo, and him.
He didn’t say another word, just held me, and that was exactly what I needed. After a couple of minutes, when I was ready, I pulled back and looked up, straight into his eyes.
“I know what you’re going to do.”
His expression, so gentle before, changed to shock, his eyes widening.
“You know.” He whispered the words as his hand came up to cup my face. “Mom swore us to secrecy. But you know.”
I nodded.
I saw thoughts racing across his face. “Isaac?” he guessed with sad smile. “He’s the only one not intimidated by her.” He wiped a tear from my face with his thumb, then leaned in to kiss me. At first it was gentle, barely a brush of the lips. Then he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me as if I was life, breath, everything he needed to survive. I kissed him back the same way. He pulled away first, his eyes dark with passion and pain. “I love you, Celie. And while I wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, I’m afraid. I know what we have to do. And I’m willing to do it. But Matty … mom … someone’s going to die. What if it’s one of them?”
He looked so lost. Normally he’s incredibly confident, and with good reason. He’s a powerful man, both personally and magically. But his family means everything to him. “Mom and Sal have been trying to find a mage willing to suicide. That’s usually what people do when they need to access a node—find somebody who wants to die, offer to take care of his or her family. It’s ugly, but it happens. There’s even a standard contract.”
I hadn’t known that. I was a little shocked, but only a little. Life is hard. A lot of people decide they don’t want to go on. Some of them were bound to be mages. But although I could actually sympathize with someone wanting to give up in the abstract, I had a much harder time dealing with my mother’s suicide attempt. Maybe because a not so small part of me didn’t really believe she wanted to die—but rather thought it was just one more manipulation meant to hurt me. Unfair? Probably. But still true.
I shook my head, forcing my attention back to what Bruno was saying.
“So far, we’re not having any luck finding someone who is ready to die.”
Maybe what I was going to attempt held only a small hope for success, but it was hope. He needed that right now.
“I may have a solution.”
I could tell from his expression that he doubted that was possible. I could understand that part of him didn’t want to hope, didn’t want to risk being disappointed. He swallowed hard. Taking me by the hand, he led me to the couch and sat, pulling me down beside him. “Tell me.”
I told him everything I knew and everything I suspected. I finished with, “I don’t know who else is involved other than Connor and Jack Finn. I don’t know what they’re planning. I just know that they’re afraid of me. Connor Finn told me at the beginning that their seer had said that if I got involved it could spoil everything, but that killing me would make it worse. He said there was even the possibility of failure.”
“The possibility of failure,” Bruno repeated. He didn’t sound reassured.
“When I talked with Connor Finn at the prison, he said I didn’t have a clue about the big picture, and he’s right. But when I told him that I had one piece of the puzzle and that without it, he wouldn’t have his big picture, he didn’t deny it. In fact, it made him really angry.”
“And what’s your piece of the puzzle?”
“Michelle Andrews. I’ve got to keep her safe. And I think I know how to do it.” I told him my plan. There was a long, thoughtful silence. Finally, I couldn’t bear it any longer. “What do you think?”
“I think you may be right,” he admitted. “But even if you’re right and Conner Finn dies, that doesn’t mean we’ll automatically win. If the three remaining mages are strong enough and skilled enough to balance the power, they can use the node. I’ve read about it. My mother experienced it.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Is that everything you know? I need to know it all. I’ve never seen my mother frightened of anything, and these people terrify her.”
I closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t have to look at his face, see his pain and worry. I couldn’t do anything more to make things better, and it hurt to know that. “I’m sorry, Bruno. I wish I knew more. I wish I could say I was sure we’ll succeed. But we have a chance. And we have to try.”
“Yes. We do.” He was as firm as I was in that.
It was very late—or very early—and although we had only a couple of hours before we needed to be up and moving, we did have those hours. So we went to bed, and while neither of us was feeling amorous, it felt good to be together, just holding each other for comfort.
30
Minnie got us up at seven. I wasn’t thrilled, but there was no denying her. I answered nature’s call, then started the coffee brewing while Bruno took a shower. I went back to bed, curling up under the sheets, trying to relax. At seven thirty, I called my gran. It was really too early, what with the time difference, but I called anyway. She answered on the first ring, sounding wide awake. It wasn’t a surprise, really, she’s always been a morning person. But it broke my heart that her usual cheer had been replaced with something very close to despair.
At times like this, I would cheerfully throttle my mother.
“Baker said that it was more a cry for help than a real attempt.”
“Yes,” Gran admitted. “The doctor said that, and I think he’s probably right. But it just breaks my heart. I know she’s done wrong by you and made mistakes. But she’s my Lana. I can’t bear knowing she’s in so much pain, that she feels so alone. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“It’s okay, Gran, I get it. You love her. Hell, I do, too. And I know it had to be a real blow that Ivy left for good without even saying good-bye to her.”
“Ivy was her baby,” Gran agreed. “And while parents shouldn’t have favorites—” They shouldn’t, but they often do. Mom did, and I wasn’t the one. “I wonder sometimes if it’s because you’ve always been so strong and self-sufficient. Lana needs to be needed. Just like I do.” She sounded wistful.
Wow, that explained a lot. Not about Mom; I wasn’t buying that for a second. We’d needed the heck out of her when we were little and she’d chosen drugs and booze over us. But for Gran, it made perfect sense. It explained why Gran had to rescue Mom every time she did something stupid. She honestly couldn’t help herself.
“Look, I tell you what,” I began, thinking furiously as I spoke. Tonight was the full moon. Tomorrow everything would be over, for good or ill. “Why don’t I see if I can catch a flight out to Serenity midweek? I’ll have my doctor check with Mom’s, and if they okay it, the two of us will go to the prison for an in-person visit.”
“You’d do that? After everything?” I heard the edge of hope in her voice and felt my heart lift.
For Gran, I would walk through fire. “Yes.”
“Oh, honey, that means so much to me! I love you so much.” Now she sounded more like herself and I was glad.
“I love you, too.”
When we hung up, she was in a better frame of mind, and Bruno was standing in front of me wearing nothing but a bath towel.
“Was that your gran you were talking to?”
“Yup. About my mom, of course.”
He stepped closer and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could help. I know I can’t, but I wish I could.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” I did, too.
“Look, why don’t you go take your bath while I fix breakfast. Sound good?”
