knuckles as his tired-looking eyes softened. “But that’s no excuse for breaking your heart and then not saying I’m sorry. And I am. I’m just…”
“Sorry,” she said dully.
He exhaled. “Yeah.”
“You sure are.” She wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or kick him someplace extremely tender. Really, though, she was the one who deserved a swift kick, because for a minute or so there, she had actually thought he might have changed. And maybe he had, but only a little bit. Only enough to see that he’d played a major role in cracking her family apart, not enough to see that it had been his disappearing act that had done the damage. Instead, he was blaming it on a kiss. One that, although she hadn’t consciously remembered it in years, was suddenly there, front and center in her mind.
She was seventeen again, racing for the back barn and bubbling inwardly with the familiar refrain of “Sven’s home, yippee!”
The barn was cool with shade and smelled of first-cutting hay, forming a perfect backdrop for the sight of the glossy bay gelding craning around to nudge Sven, who stood at his shoulder, adjusting tack.
Cara stopped just inside the door and let herself stare.
He had his back to her and seemed bigger than he had even a few weeks ago, when he’d come home after his final exams, stayed a few days, and then headed off on a road trip with friends. Now, though, he had changed out of his college clothes—designer jeans and T-shirts advertising places she probably wouldn’t ever visit—and into real jeans and a smoky blue, long-sleeved button-down that she and her mom had gotten him because it matched his eyes. Not that he would care about the eye thing. He was a guy, after all, and guys didn’t notice stuff like that —or at least not the guys she knew.
Then again, Sven was nothing like those guys. They were goofy and immature, clowning around and trying to impress her and the other girls with their stupid stunts and lame-o jokes. Sven, though… from the moment he’d come back to the ranch this time around, she had seen right away how he was different, how he was bigger, stronger, smarter, just better than them, just like her father had always said. He was way cuter than the other boys too, with his stubby pirate’s ponytail and the easy grin that said he was good with life and life was good with him. More, there was a vibe of power around him, offset by the gentleness he showed as he stroked the bay’s nose, talking softly.
He’d always had a way with animals. Her father had called it a gift and grinned when he said it; he’d tried to get Sven interested in training the ranch dogs with him, and then the horses. Sven hadn’t stuck with either for long, far preferring machines that went fast and far, but he still rode now and then, sometimes loading up with enough gear to spend weeks out in the backcountry… which, she realized with a jolt, was exactly what the bay was wearing now.
“No!” The soft cry was out before she could call it back.
The gelding snorted as Sven whipped around. His eyes narrowed when he saw her standing there. “I thought you went into town with your mom.”
She sauntered across the packed-dirt floor, using the walk she and a couple of friends had practiced, the one that always got her asked to dance. When she was close enough to inhale the scents of horse and leather, and the hint of his college cologne being overridden by her mom’s laundry detergent, she planted her boots on the ground and her hands on her hips. “You were going to take off without even saying hello?”
“I’ll be back in a few days.”
“Bull. You’ve packed enough for a week. Longer if you’re planning on hunting.” And the scabbarded rifle said that was a good bet. Reaching out, she caught his hand and gave it a tug. “Stay. Please. It would mean a lot to Mom.”
“Just her?” Suddenly he was looking at her with a strange new intensity.
A hot flush climbed her face, though she wasn’t really sure why. “Of course not. I want you to stay too. And Dad—”
“I’ve already talked to him.” He turned away from her and pretended to adjust his rigging.
Of course he’d checked in, and of course her dad had told him it was cool if he took off. What else did she expect? The two of them were thick as thieves. She didn’t even bother being annoyed anymore; she was just grateful that she had her mother… who didn’t look right, wasn’t acting like herself, and had a doctor’s appointment for next week, though she’d sworn Cara to secrecy. Which was why she didn’t dare use it to convince Sven to stick around. Having him in the house, though, would put a gleam in her mom’s eyes.
She reached out, hesitated, and then touched his back, first lightly and then harder, splaying her fingers wide to cover the firm muscles beside his spine and absorb the warmth coming through his shirt. He stiffened but didn’t turn, and she pressed her cheek to her hand, so she was leaning into him, against him, as she had done when they were younger, before her father had started keeping Sven to himself as much as possible. “Stay,” she whispered, aware that he’d frozen in place and the only sound was the jingle of the bay gelding mouthing his bit, impatient to be off.
“I can’t.” The two words came out ragged.
“Why?”
He shrugged her off and turned to face her, his expression thunderous. “I just can’t, okay? I promised your father.”
Tired of cricking her neck to look up at him, she climbed up on a nearby bale of hay to meet his glare. The moment their gazes connected, though, something strange happened; dark heat in his eyes stopped looking like anger and started looking way more like what she’d seen from the guys she hung out with, the kind of fire that said, I’m getting hot and bothered and I’m wondering if you’re going to let me do something about it. But where with those other boys it was something like a game, coming from Sven, the look seared her to her toes.
“What promise?” she managed to get out breathlessly.
He hesitated. “I said I would ride out and get a head count on the high pastures, check for signs of any big cats messing with the stock.”
Cara barely heard him over the urgent thudding of her pulse and the sudden knowledge that this was her answer. This was how she could convince him to stay. Guys were all the same when it came to the basics, right? God, she hoped so.
She leaned in even as a small, panicked voice inside her said that this wasn’t just any guy. And as that same voice warned that she should stop, back away, and not make a huge mistake, she caught a startled-looking Sven by the collar with her free hand and locked her mouth to his. And kissed him.
Heat flared through her, made of equal parts excitement and the panicked thought of, Oh, shit, what am I doing?
His lips parted on a muffled sound of surprise and his fingers flexed in her grip, but he didn’t jerk away. If anything, he yielded against her, not all the way, but enough that she let go of his hand to flatten her palm on his chest, right over his heart. It beat with a quick, jumpy rhythm that sent new, surer heat flaring through her body along with a heady triumph that made her feel suddenly powerful. She—tiny little Cara, with her ranch clothes and weirdly striped hair—was hooking up with a college guy. And not just any college guy. This was Sven, and he’d looked at her with heat in his eyes.
Sparks igniting at the thought of him wanting her, she deepened the kiss and slid her tongue against his, wringing a full-body shudder from him. His hands tightened at her hip and upper arm, making her aware that they were almost embracing, with her breasts just grazing his chest and their thighs a breath apart. She moved closer, bringing their bodies fully into contact, and the sparks went to flames. Head spinning, she pressed closer, feeling the solid warmth of his muscles and—
“Shit!” He tore his mouth away and in a split second his hands went from holding her close to pushing her away so he could stare at her. This time there was no mistaking his expression. And horror didn’t look nearly so good on him as desire had. “Jesus, Cara. No. We can’t.”
Flushing with a sudden echo of that same horror, she brazened it out, tipping up her chin to say, “Sure we can. So stay, please, at least for tonight.” She wasn’t sure how much she was offering, only that she needed him to not leave.
“Why? Why is it so important?” His fingers dug in as he searched her face.
But she didn’t know how to answer. She was flushed and freaked, and could only stutter, “I-it just is, okay? Can you do it my way, just once, and stay because I asked you to?” She hadn’t meant to say it that way, hadn’t
