“Language,” the winikin reprimanded, and for a second Sven was ten years old again and headed for the naughty corner.
Only for a second, though. “Fuck my language and answer the question. Why did you do it?”
“Screw this.” Carlos grabbed the tray of uneaten food and headed for the door, sloshing coffee on the floor as he went. “I don’t answer to you.”
Sven didn’t point out the obvious contradiction. “Damn it, Carlos. If you didn’t want me around her, then why bind her to me?”
The winikin stopped, slammed the tray down on the side table next to the door, and spun back. “Because it was the only way to get you back here, godsdamn it. When Jox called us all back to Skywatch, I had to be sure you would come. I knew if I asked you would tell me you were on your way, and keep doing whatever you were doing in the first place. Sure, I could have had them send someone out after you, but that would’ve meant… Shit, I couldn’t do that.”
He hadn’t wanted to look bad, Sven realized. So he had sacrificed his daughter instead. He leaned back against the kitchen counter and felt the hard edge press into his kidneys while disgust coated his mouth. “You used her.”
“Desperate times.”
“You didn’t trust me to man up once I understood what was going on.”
“Do you blame me?” The winikin’s raised eyebrow reminded Sven of his big apology and all those good intentions. Granted, he hadn’t repeated his old mistakes by doing a vanishing act when things started getting complicated, but maybe that would’ve been the lesser sin.
“Yeah, damn it, I do blame you. I… Shit.” He paused, trying to rein in his bubbling temper, because he owed Carlos his life. But he didn’t owe him unquestioning acceptance, especially when it came to Cara. Not anymore. “You could’ve talked to me, told me the truth about the Nightkeepers and the situation. I would’ve come back with you.” He wanted to think he would have, at any rate. “You could’ve tried that first, at least, before using Cara.”
Carlos’s eyes flared. “Do you think it was easy for me? Do you think I wanted to do it that way? For fuck’s sake, we were finally starting to get along. With Essie gone, we were eating together sometimes, riding out together. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. And then Jox called, and I didn’t have a fucking choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“Fine.” The older man lifted his chin to glare. “Then I made the choice. I ruined things with Cara, maybe even ruined things for her, in order to guarantee that the Nightkeepers got their coyote mage. Live with it. I know I do.”
“You… Jesus, Carlos. Who does shit like that?”
“A blood-bound winikin, that’s who. From day one, I was taught that the war is coming and the magi are the only ones who can save us, and that it’s up to the winikin to do whatever it takes—anything and everything, even if it means sacrificing our lives and families—to help them.”
And he had sacrificed his family, Sven realized. Maybe not directly, but still. “Was it worth it?” The sudden twist in his gut said the answer mattered.
“As long as you don’t let infatuation taint your powers, then yes. It was worth it.” And the damn thing was, there wasn’t an ounce of apology in the winikin’s eyes.
Anger flared, roughening Sven’s voice. “How can you say that about your own daughter?”
“The truth isn’t always easy. If the First Father had meant for the Nightkeepers and winikin to mix, he wouldn’t have forbidden them from mating.”
“Did he? Seems to me that particular rule is a later addition.”
“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? It’s easier than admitting that you’re risking your magic, sniffing around her like you’re doing.” Some of Sven’s flinch must’ve shown, because Carlos’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I noticed. Everyone has. So how about you do the right thing and stay the hell away from her?”
The words echoed back across the years and left Sven staring. “That day. That summer… It wasn’t about her being too young. It was that you couldn’t stand the idea of a mage and a winikin together.”
“It’s against the writs!”
Sven didn’t bother arguing that one. “Jesus,” he said, shaking his head, “it wasn’t ever about her, was it? All along, I was the one you were trying to control. You couldn’t stand the fact that I cared about her. Still do,” he corrected. “And that’s driving you up a fucking wall.”
“There isn’t room for sentiment when you’re fighting a war,” the winikin said darkly. “That is in the writs. Your responsibility is to the gods and ancestors, mankind, and then your king and the rest of the Nightkeepers. Lovers don’t make the list. They’re replaceable.”
It seemed impossible that he could say that about his own daughter without blinking. “Are you really that heartless?”
“No. I’m that scared.”
“You’re… Wait. What?”
“I’m scared of what’s coming. Fucking terrified. You were too young to remember anything about the massacre, and I used to thank the gods for that. But these days I’m not so sure, because I can’t help thinking you’d be taking things more seriously if you remembered what it was like…” His expression turned inward; his voice lowered to nearly a whisper. “Gods help us, it was awful. All the blood and the bodies, the screams, the children crying, running, being trampled. I… I stepped on them, ran over them carrying you, skidding in their blood and thinking that if I could just get away, we’d be safe.”
Sven crossed the room to stand opposite the man who had rescued him that night, and who had raised him the best he knew how. That, of all of it, had never been in doubt. “I’ll never forget that you saved my life.”
Carlos’s eyes came up, and his hand shot out and clamped on Sven’s wrist. His fingers dug in and held. “Good. Because now it’s your turn. I need you to save my life. I need you to save all of our lives, including hers. And you can’t do that if you’re letting yourself be distracted. You need to focus on what really matters.”
And damned if he didn’t have a point, one that resonated deep inside Sven, tugging at his warrior’s magic. But at the same time, he couldn’t ignore the string of seeming coincidences that had put him and Cara together in the coyote cave, with the scene set for sex. More, he couldn’t ignore—didn’t want to ignore—the heat that flared through him at the thought of her. “What if she’s part of what really matters?”
“She’s not.”
“I think she is.” It was all he could say without coming up against his fealty oath, which was already buzzing at the back of his brain, warning him that he needed to get moving; the king was waiting. But that wasn’t the only thing banging around inside his head, not by a long shot. Duty was one thing, destiny another, and both were sacred to the gods.
“Do you?” Carlos’s expression was hard, uncompromising. “Or are you looking for a sign that tells you it’s okay to do exactly what you want with no thought of the consequences?”
Cara had asked him nearly the same thing. Hell, he had asked it of himself. “Not this time.”
The winikin hesitated, then said slowly, “You made me a promise once. I’m going to ask you for another one.”
“I won’t promise to stay away from her. I can’t.” It wasn’t until the words were out there that he realized just how true they were.
“Promise me that you won’t do anything about it unless you’re absolutely certain of the gods’ plan… or if you’re not certain, that you’ll wait until after the end date.” Carlos’s lips turned up in an utterly humorless smile. “If nothing else, that’ll give you something to fight for.”
“I won’t…” Sven began, but then trailed off, because fuck if that didn’t sound reasonable. But he wouldn’t— couldn’t—make a vow he wasn’t sure he could keep, or even if he should try, because the magi rarely understood the gods’ plans except in hindsight. “I promise I’ll do my damnedest not to compromise the Nightkeepers or winikin by my actions. That’s the best I can do.” He held up a palm. “You want it in blood?”
“No, damn it, I want you to do the right thing.”
Sven hated this. He was pissed at Carlos, but that didn’t change the fact that he owed the older winikin for his life, and for shaping him into the man he’d become. There was love there, if not always affection. “I’m trying to do the right thing,” he grated. “We just disagree on what that means right now. And the king’s waiting for me.”
