Apollyon

I shook my head, wanting to deny it, because stripping my ability to make my own decisions was a hell of a way of showing how he cared, but it was the truth. But I remembered that night in Telly’s house, that moment I’d seen the indecision in his eyes, the vulnerability. He hadn’t wanted to hurt me then, but I believed that what he needed overwhelmed what he wanted.

I know, I said, because, deep down, I knew he did care.

Even more shocking, there was a sudden opening in the connection. Not that I could read any of Seth’s thoughts, but there was a vulnerability that hadn’t been there before. It wouldn’t have been bad between us, even if you never connected with me. It wouldn’t have been terrible.

My chest felt heavy and it ached, because there was also some truth to that.

But it never would’ve been enough, he added, and in a weird way, he felt closer now, like he was right beside me. I’m man enough to admit that. Even if I fought for you fairly—and trust me, Aiden has nothing on me when I’m determined—in the end, whatever you felt for me would’ve been leftovers. I would’ve been a leftover. You would’ve never really been mine. I’ve always known that.

I squeezed my hands until my joints ached. Then why did you want to be with me—in the Catskills, you asked me to give it a try. Or was that a huge part of your master plan?

Master plan? Seth laughed, but it was humorless. Why wouldn’t I have asked? I’m attracted to you, Alex. Doesn’t take much to figure that out. And there’s more. I’ve been drawn to you, ever since I first saw you. It’s just the way it is for our kind.

A distant, almost sad feeling crept through the connection. That pull between us—I don’t think you’ve ever understood, or even felt it, as much asido. But anyway, like I said, I do care about you, too.

There was a physical thing between us, partly due to the Apollyon bond and our own attraction to each other. I was grownup enough to admit that it still was there, but it was watered down in comparison to how I felt for Aiden. But some things didn’t change.

I care about you. The words were whispered and sounded broken to me.

For a moment, we said nothing. It was like a stalemate, a really weird, awkward and sad one.

Please don’t do this, Seth.

He sighed. Alex…

I can help you.

The pricks of irritation soured my stomach now. I don’t need help.

You do. I took a deep breath. You’re like an addict—the aether, whatever love and approval you’re seeking from Lucian. You need help.

I knew the moment I’d said the wrong thing. Irritation flipped to anger and it was like standing too close to a fire. I don’t need your help, Alex. What I need is for you to understand that you can’t escape Fate. That everything will be different—it will be better—if you just let Lucian do what needs to be done.

Seth—

And I need you to understand, Alex, if you can, that maybe—just maybe—Lucian actually cares for me, that I’m worth that, and he wants the best for me—for us. Do you think you can do that?

My throat worked on the lump that had formed there. You are worth someone caring about you, but—

But what? His voice snapped fire, daring me to say what he knew I was going to say.

I drew in a stuttered breath. But I can’t do what you’re asking. You are worth it—worth so much—but not Lucian. He’s using you. And it’ll be too late—

It’s not too late. In the end, no matter what, I will have everything that I want.

And then he pushed back and broke the connection.

CHAPTER 24

When I opened my eyes again, Aiden was still asleep, and although the cord hummed softly in my stomach, Seth was gone for now. I climbed to my feet and quickly scanned the cave. Everything was the same—not exactly the Hilton Hotel, but safe.

Swallowing down the lump that felt like a permanent fixture in my throat, I shuffled over to Aiden and sat beside him, pulling my knees to my chest. Gods, I didn’t know what was worse—if Seth was completely gone and there was no hope for him, or if there were a part of him still in there somewhere. Either way, wondering about it was hopeless. Right now I was on a mission to discover a way to destroy Seth. So did it matter? In the end, I couldn’t allow him to transfer power from me. Too many lives rested on stopping him.

Aiden must’ve been the proud owner of an internal clock, because when the sky started to turn orange beyond the irregular holes in the roof of the cavern, he stretched like a jungle cat coming awake from an afternoon nap.

He sat up fluidly and leaned over, placing his hands on either side of my bent knees. Heat rolled off his bare chest. He pressed his lips to the sensitive space beneath my ear and murmured, “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“I’m guessing we weren’t overrun by spiders?” Aiden popped to his feet and stretched again, raising his arms, his back bowing.

“No.”

He sent me a look over his shoulder and then bent down, grabbing his shirt off the bag. “You hanging in there?”

I nodded.

As we ate a quick breakfast of gerbil food and got ready to head back out into the tunnel, I debated on what to tell Aiden. I couldn’t hide the fact that I’d had some sort of interaction with Seth again, but I wasn’t sure how to put what I was feeling into words that anyone could understand.

When he handed me the musty-smelling cloak, I finally said something. “I saw Seth last night.”

Aiden stilled, hands clenching his own cloak. “Okay.”

I focused on his shoulder. “I know I should’ve said something earlier.”

“Yes. You should have.”

A flush stained my cheeks. “I didn’t really see him. Not like last time. He talked to me through the connection. He doesn’t know what we’re doing. He asked, but I didn’t say anything.”

“Of course.” He slipped on the cloak with quick, stiff movements. “What did he want?”

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. “I think he just wanted… to talk.”

“To talk?” Disbelief colored his tone.

“Yeah, he… I think there’s a part of him still there. You know, a part of him that’s confused, but he really believes that Lucian cares for him.” I trailed off, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. You ready?”

Aiden studied me a moment, then nodded. With our hoods in place, we left the little slice of peace behind and ventured out into the dark, narrow tunnels, traveling them in silence. Since I couldn’t see Aiden’s face or his eyes, I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but I was sure it had something to do with Seth. It was what I was thinking about as we navigated the darkness, with only our footsteps echoing in the silence.

I wished that I had seen what was happening to Seth before it had become too late, noticed how the aether and akasha had been affecting him. Most of all, I wished I had seen how badly he needed someone—someone who accepted him, even loved him. Instead I had been so wrapped up in my own problems I hadn’t seen what everything had been doing to him.

What I’d been doing to him.

In a way, I had seriously failed Seth.

After two hours of nonstop walking in the dark, a small speck of orange light shone ahead, and the closer