'What is your problem, Nikki? Why do you refuse to trust me? Why can't you just accept the gift I gave you?'
His breath hissed through clenched teeth. 'If you think me such a monster, then kill me. Take the knife from your boot and stab it through my heart. It will end my life and revert yours back to normal.'
She stared at him, appalled he could think her capable of such a brutal act.
'Why not? You're doing a damn fine job of it as it is. Why not finish it?' His grip on her arms tightened, bruising her. 'But maybe you're happier wrapped in a cocoon of ice. Maybe I was a fool to think otherwise.'
'Maybe you are,' she muttered.
He let her go suddenly and thrust a hand through his hair. 'Christ, I don't even know why I'm bothering.'
He turned and walked to the other side of the room. It was a distancing that was mental as much as it was physical. And though this was what she had wanted, it still tore at her.
'What are we going to do then?' he asked after a moment. Arms crossed, he leaned against the wall, his face impassive, distant. As cold as when they'd first met.
She studied him. Anger she could cope with. Frustration and bitterness she could understand. But this?
'About what?'
'You and me, Nikki. What else are we talking about?' His voice was lifeless, his thoughts a vast desert.
She met his gaze, uncertain what he wanted from her. He'd stated his intention of leaving so very clearly, and so often, she had no doubt that he would. And yet he obviously needed—or wanted—something from her. 'There is no you and me. You said that yourself.'
He simply stared at her. She shuffled her feet like some errant child and finally looked away. Because, deep down, she knew. He wanted her to confront what she felt, and that was the one course she could not take. Because she was a coward, and because her love had always signaled death. Vampire or not, he could die.
Better to live a lifetime alone than face the weight of one more death on her conscience.
Only now, it wasn't just one lifetime she had to face, was it?
'I don't know what else you want me to say, Michael.'
'And therein lies our problem.' He pushed away from the wall. 'Perhaps the fault is mine. Perhaps I simply expect too much.'
She stared at him. Did he want a lie? How could she admit to loving him when she wasn't sure?
And what good would it do, when he intended to leave anyway?
She blinked back sudden tears. Once she had told such a lie. It had led her and Tommy down a path to destruction. His life had slipped as quickly through her fingers as his blood, and she'd vowed never, ever to again admit to feelings she wasn't sure about.
'I'm not Tommy, Nikki. I'm not your damn parents or anyone else. I'm me. And I just want you to admit the truth, if only to yourself.'
'Then I truly must go.'
She was losing him. Fear squeezed her heart tight, almost suffocating her. Afraid to love him, yet afraid to lose him. What a laugh.
'Perhaps this time is wrong for us,' he said, dark eyes gentle. 'Perhaps this was a fire always destined to flare brightly and die.'
No, she wanted to say, no. But she held the words in check. He has to leave. He can't stay. The statement ran through her mind, over and over, as he turned and walked to the door.
'Don't,' she whispered, as he reached out to grab the door handle.
He glanced back at her. 'Jasper won't come near you again. I vowed that, and I meant it.'
She wasn't afraid of Jasper right now. She was afraid that Michael would walk out the door and she'd never see him again.
Wasn't that what she wanted?
'Bye, Nikki.' He turned and left. The door slammed shut behind him, rattling the display case in the living room. A crystal vase rocked and fell to the floor.
The sound of it smashing was the sound of her heart.
Chapter Seventeen
The silence drove her crazy. Nikki prowled through the house, trying to find something, anything, to do.
Now that she had the time to think, it was the one thing she was desperate to avoid. Michael had walked out the door, probably forever. And she couldn't help the notion that, in a lifetime filled with mistakes, she'd just made her biggest.
But did she really want to spend eternity alone?
The answer to that was simple. She didn't really want to spend this lifetime alone, not to mention the next three or four.
But what other choice did she have?
She stopped in front of the window and stared out blindly. Jasper's whispers ran laughingly through her mind, touching her soul with his darkness. His presence grew stronger. One day soon he would call to her, and she would have no choice but to obey.
She crossed her arms, rubbing them lightly. She'd done the right thing in telling Michael to go. At least now she didn't have to worry about betraying him. But what would she have done if Jasper wasn't a problem? What if there'd been only Michael and her and an endless eternity to share together?
Outside, a young couple strolled hand in hand across the road. She didn't have their courage. It was simple fact. Jasper only gave her a more believable excuse to push Michael away.
She turned from the window and walked across the room. Maybe she needed to work. Maybe if she buried herself in mundane office tasks, she wouldn't have to think about Michael or Jasper or long years of loneliness left ahead.
She walked into the bedroom to collect her coat and keys, and brushed past the bed. Memories rose to haunt her—being in Michael's arms, his bed, his throaty laughter as she'd whisked his pants away, the fire of their minds, touching and loving.
How could she have given it all away? How could she have thrown away her one chance of lasting love?
She froze. There, she'd finally admitted it. She loved him. But it didn't matter a damn. She didn't want him to die, so they simply couldn't be together.
She spun away from the bed and its memories and retreated to the front door. After a quick glance around to check that all the lights were off, she opened the door and went outside.
The night was clear and held the promise of being cold. A chill ran up her spine as she unlocked the car door. It had nothing to do with the wind's icy fingers teasing the back of her neck. Someone was watching her.
She ignored the sensation and got into the car. There was little else she could do. It wasn't Michael or Jasper, so more than likely it was one of the zombies. And she sure as hell wasn't going to confront one of them.
But if only one zombie was watching her, what were the other two up to? Foreboding pulsed, a warning of trouble ahead. She grimaced and drove out of the driveway. It would be a nice change if the warnings were a little more specific.
The first thing she saw as she walked into the office was the madly flashing light on the answering machine. Throwing her keys on her desk, she grabbed a pen and paper and sat to answer some calls.
