“Right here, right now, what you’re feeling, I felt too and it was probably a hundred times worse than what you’re feeling now, Lahn, because in my world, they do not hunt women and rape them. In my world, if you do that, you go to jail for a long, long time. Everything, everything,” I threw out my hands, “was different. Your clothes. Your language. The landscape. Your homes, food, furniture, shopping. And I don’t mean a little different, like here warriors wear hides and up north, they wear armor, I mean a lot different. In my world, we don’t ride horses, we drive cars. In my world, we don’t have chamber pots, we have toilets. We don’t have slaves. That was outlawed years ago. Most countries don’t even have kings or queens!” I was now shouting, lightning striking fast and hot outside our windows. “And if they do, they hold no power but are only figureheads.”
He glared at me, it was scary but I didn’t care. I was too far gone. I just kept talking.
“I was terrified when I got here. I don’t even know how I had it in me to breathe much less move or speak. This doesn’t happen in my world, this changing of beings, me taking her place, her taking mine. But I suspect powerful sorceress Circe had had enough at men’s hands, her king, those pirates, your scouts, and she knew what was about to befall her during your fucking Hunt as she stood in that pen or she found out and therefore she got the fuck out of Dodge! And when she left her world, she changed places with me. I had no control and I’ll tell you, Lahn, so many times in the past months, I wished, I fucking prayed to go back home because you and your people and your practices scared me and they sickened me.”
“It is unfortunate for you, Circe, that just from your words, I cannot know this is true,” he stated.
“Yes,” I hissed, “it is. And guess what, big guy, even I don’t know if it’s true. The only thing I know is that I’m here and she’s not. That’s all I know. I’m just guessing.”
“And I am guessing, because even as we stand here, you command the heavens, that you wield extraordinary power. You have not hid it, it is at your command and since it is, I can only wonder what other power you have wielded for what other results.”
“It isn’t at my command, Lahn,” I flashed and threw an arm toward the windows which now flared with lightning and roared with thunder as the rain pounded down. “That’s happening and everything that has happened is because of what I was feeling. And you,” I jabbed a finger at him, “fucking know it.”
“I also know that you say you were sickened by my people’s practices, but it didn’t take long for me to win you, did it, wife? Three days you gave it before you were rubbing against my hand and rearing into my cock,” he, unfortunately, stated the God’s honest truth with that. “It has taken Zahnin’s wife months to yield to his endeavors to win her. But not you,” he threw an arm out toward me before locking it back across his chest. “No, not my golden bride, not only was she riding my cock, moaning while I drove it in her, she was offering to take it in her mouth if I gave up the Xacto, doing everything she could to keep me drunk on her charms while she manipulated me into capitulating to her whims.”
“That’s insane!” I screamed on an accompanying crash of thunder.
“I did not take free woman nor slave while I plundered, Circe, because you demanded it!” he shouted back.
“That’s because it was important to me!” I returned, just as loud.
“Yes, keeping me bewitched is indeed, for whatever reason, important to you. This, at least, I believe is true.”
I shook my head and went silent.
I couldn’t believe this.
This was unbelievable.
It was also heartbreaking.
Nope, I was wrong about that.
It was soul destroying.
I breathed hard through my nose and looked away, trying to calm myself as the thunder and lightning stopped but the rain continued to drive down.
Then I sucked in a huge breath and looked at my husband again.
And when I spoke, I did it softly. “I gave up a world for you.”
He glared at me, not giving me anything.
I kept right on going. “I thought, perhaps, when I learned I had powers, I might be able to use them to go home,” his eyes flashed but that was all I got so I kept on going, “but not for good. My father isn’t dead.” Another flash. “He’s alive and at home and living maybe with a fake Circe. He’ll know the difference, though, I know it. He’s out of his mind with worry, I know that too. He’s wondering where I am and if I’m okay and how to get me back. I also know that. I know that and I know that my life there was good. I loved my life. I loved my home. I loved my job. I had a lot of people who loved me that I loved back.” I sucked in breath and then whispered, “But as much as your world scared me, as much as our practices repulsed me, I still chose you.”
His torso jerked, it was almost imperceptible, but I caught it.
I kept at him. “I gave up my world for you, Lahn. I sat at your side through things people in my world would find loathsome and I did it with my head held high. I even felt pride that I could endure, that I could be a good queen to you. I didn’t know how to be a queen but every day I walked amongst your people giving them my time and my ear and my attention, hoping that was what I was supposed to do. Everything I did in this fucking place, even before I fell in love with you, was for… fucking…you.”
After that, I was breathing heavily and he said not a word, just continued to stare at me, stony-faced with fury.
I was not getting in. Not even a little bit.
Not even a little bit.
The rain outside stopped driving down and started to fall slower, softer, quieter as that knowledge settled in my soul.
“I gave up my world for you,” I whispered, “and if you don’t come to me right now, put your arms around me and tell me you believe me, I will stop at nothing to find my way back.”
His answer was immediate. “I will not come to you, Circe. As of now, you are being sequestered, watched by guards with our most powerful witches in attendance to see you get up to no mischief. You will stay sequestered, alone, in this house, without slaves, friends or your pet, until the pregnancy culminates and we see what creature you bear me. I am informed by those of our people who hold magic that you will not be able to hide it while birthing and it will not have the power to shield its true form while being born.”
Oh my God.
That was when he delivered the killing blow.
“Only then will I come to you to deliver my judgment or allow you back into my bed.”
That was it.
I was done.
Just as he had with the claiming chain Dortak had hooked to me, with those words, Lahn severed our connection just… like… that.
“I’ve left you,” I whispered and his head jerked.
“What?”
“I’m standing right here but I promise you, even if it is simply in my mind, I’ve left you. I’m gone. You’ve lost me forever.”
He planted his hands on his hips. “You birth a warrior or a golden girl, we shall see.”
I shook my head. “No,” I swallowed back the tears. “No. This is it. You’ve gone too far. We’re done. I’m gone. You’ll never get me back, Lahn. Never.”
“If what you say is true, I have won you before, Circe. And if you are what you say you are, I will do it again.”
I stared into his dark, beloved eyes as mine filled with wet and unbeknownst to me the shining, golden swirl of spirit that always was so close to the surface for Lahn to see twinkled brightly then extinguished completely.
Then I whispered, “No. You won’t.”
Then I turned from him, missing the quickly hidden flash of alarm that slashed across his features.
I moved to the windows and stared out, my arms crossed protectively on my belly, the tatters of my heart dripping blood, my lungs feeling empty as silent tears slid down my face.
“Circe,” Lahn called but I didn’t look. I couldn’t look. And I knew even if I saw him again, I would never see
