Ravenous

Holly flung herself out of the bathroom and stormed back down the hall. In Ashe's room the shoe box sat on the floor, open on the edge of the ritual cloth. It was filled with plastic animals, junk jewelry, and toy cars. Kid stuff. Ashe had taken the box from Holly's closet.

Ashe came up behind Holly. Just as Ashe had years before, she pulled out a miniature blue sedan, perfect in every die cast detail. It looked just like their parents' car. 'What's going to happen? What do you see?' Ashe asked, her manner now more that of an equal than a big sister.

Holly turned her eyes from the blue toy car, the sight of it filling her with fresh nausea. 'You're going to perform the ritual, but I'm going to help, even though you offer me five dollars. You'll go out with Glen and see the concert.'

'So what's bad about that?' She turned the car over in her hand.

Holly's answer was cold and perfectly level. It was that or hysteria. 'You're doing two-person magic by yourself. The spell won't go as expected. The car will go off the road by the golf course and over the railing. Mom and Dad will burn to death on the beach, just feet from the ocean.'

Ashe said nothing, but twin tears slid with slow delicacy over her cheeks. 'So I killed them.'

'If I had helped, maybe it would have worked right. Maybe they would have lived.'

Ashe looked at the car with the same horror Holly felt, and set it gingerly in the white box. Finally she said what Holly had needed her to say all these years: 'It was my ritual. My magic. You were wiser, even though you were just a kid. It wasn't your fault.'

Holly thought of what misery lay in Ashe's future, and in her own, and began to quake with tears. She had never wanted to face this. She felt so angry, and hurt, and guilty.

And there was the answer to so much. She had buried both the memory and the larger part of her magic from view, punishing herself with pain whenever she tried to use it.

'Stop hurting yourself. It was up to me to look out for you, not the other way around.' Ashe put her hands on Holly's shoulders, one of her favorite gestures. Ashe suddenly looked small and very young, not at all the omnipotent goddess Holly's child-self had perceived. Tears washed over her huge green eyes.

Holly put a hand over hers, feeling warmth toward her sister for the first time since she was a child. 'How can I change the past?'

Ashe shook her head. 'You can't, Holly. You just have to go on and fight. Forgive yourself for refusing to help me do something that was wrong.'

Holly squeezed her sister's fingers. 'What about you?'

'Me?' That intense gaze searched Holly's face. 'I'm only your memory. The real Ashe has to find her own way here.'

Holly wanted to embrace her, but the world went dark.

Her first thought was that she had fainted, but then she saw a field of stars on all sides. Ashe, or Holly's memory of her, was gone.

Chapter 26

Holly awoke and leaped out of bed in one ungainly maneuver. She staggered, grabbed her robe, and looked around. Alessandro was gone, the sheets on the bed a tangled mass.

Where is he? Violent need smashed through her until her conscious mind overrode the venom. No, no, calm, calm, calm.

She shivered as she put on the robe, cool air caressing her sweat-dampened skin. Switching on the bedside lamp, she listened. Splashing came from the bathroom down the hall, the sound of the shower. Alessandro was up, but he hadn't left.

He wouldn't do that. Her nerves jittered. Would he?

Holly glanced at the bedside clock. It was eight at night. I slept through the day, just like a vampire. She was sore, aching, hungry, and bewildered. It felt as though Alessandro were a million miles away. She needed him by her side.

That's ridiculous. He's right down the hall. She sat down on the edge of the bed, fumbling on the floor for her slippers. She found one of his socks instead. Goddess, what a night.

A dozen thoughts clamored for attention, some making her body heat, others freezing her with misgivings. One stood out, different from the rest. The vision of Ashe was still with her, lost memories in place. Unblocked power rushed like fresh air through her system. Mixed with power, sex—especially sex like she'd just had— possessed magic of its own. That last bout of lovemaking had opened a door inside her, and the space and freedom of her magic suddenly belonged to her once more.

Experimentally she flicked all the candles in the room alight, then extinguished them. On. Off. On. Off. She could do that before, but now it came easily, like breathing. This is what it felt like when I was little. Before all that happened. Back when I wasn't afraid.

So much had been lost because of that single spell. Holly had mourned her parents, grieved for them for years, but their deaths had been only part of the tragedy. She'd lost Ashe, too.

And she'd grown afraid of her own power. If a spell could kill her parents, what other tragedies could magic cause? She was afraid of herself, and felt guilty because she hadn't known what to do to stop Ashe. With a child's sense of absolute justice, she had crippled her power to keep herself and everyone around her safe. She had even erased the memory of the spell and the months surrounding it.

That tragedy was finally drawing to a close. Holly touched her neck, shivering at the brush of her fingertips on Alessandro's bite. Just in time to make room for my future as a venom slave.

I can't live like this. Half of magic depended on the practitioner's clarity of will. She couldn't regain her memories and her magic just to lose them again, have to fight the mark, grab what I can of my life and hold on. Holly went downstairs to take a shower. Routine, her routine, untouched by another's will, was suddenly vital.

When she returned to the bedroom Alessandro was there, half-dressed. The bed lay rumpled and inviting behind him. Holly stopped in the doorway, her arms hugging her robe around her. The sight of him spiked her to the floor.

Need, desire, attraction, belonging. They were all good emotions—but not in this insane intensity. All Holly wanted to do was to pick up where they'd left off the night before, naked and writhing. A tiny whimper escaped her as she forced herself to stay put. I want him. I want him, Iwanthim.

He stopped what he was doing, his shirt in one hand. He studied her, amber eyes filled with concern. 'How are you feeling?'

How can he even ask? Holly looked at the floor, not sure where to start. 'If you don't cover up, I won't speak for my self-control.'

There was a soft rustle of silk. When she looked up he had the shirt on but the buttons were undone, leaving a stripe of chest exposed. Not helpful She rubbed a hand over her face. 'You're really good, you know. Hall of Sex Fame material. Whatever you did unblocked my magic.'

His brows drew together. 'I don't understand.'

She told him about the dream.

'So that means your magic won't be painful anymore?' he asked.

'An interesting trade-off, isn't it?'

He drew closer, his fingers brushing the place on her neck where he had marked her. She flinched, more from his touch than from the wound. It was electric. Power still coursed between them, a continuous circuit pulling them together.

'Did I cause you pain?' he murmured, kissing her lips lightly. The lamplight turned his hair a silvery gold, bright against the dark fabric of his shirt.

'Some. The first time, yes. Fangs versus flesh.' She closed the few inches between them, resting her hand against the bare skin of his chest. He was warm, full of her life. Desire dampened her sex. 'Am I always going to