Colters' Gift

Her gaze immediately went to Noah. She wanted to give him that same pleasure. She wanted it for herself. Their gazes connected and he leaned in to kiss her again, almost as if offering her reassurance.

He crawled off the bed. She watched as he undressed, determined to get a better view of him than she had Liam. She propped herself up on her elbows so she was able to see.

The ripple of muscles was impressive. He wasn’t as thick or as large as Liam, but he was every bit as muscled and toned. Just different body structure and build. Damn but he was so very nice to look at.

When he got his pants off and tore off his boxers, she took his erection, mentally comparing him to Liam. Liam had certainly felt . . . huge. But Noah? Looked huge.

The two men stood at the edge of the bed, Liam’s gaze soft and satisfied while Noah’s glittered with hunger. She shivered, licking her lips in anticipation.

To her surprise, Noah reached for her, turning her over onto her belly. Her cheek brushed over the sheet and for a moment she was too stunned to react.

This wasn’t what she’d expected.

Unease stole over her. For a moment she was too muddled to even realize why she was gripped by such discomfort.

It was instinctive for her to be wary, and to fight. Her first instinct was to fight?

Noah’s hands slid up the backs of her legs and he kissed the cheek of her ass, and then the other, nipping playfully.

She tried to reason with herself. Tried to be calm. This was Noah. Noah would never hurt her.

But the position was a symbol of helplessness to her. And she hated that feeling above all others. She didn’t want to be scared when Noah made love to her.

Then he spread her thighs, and all reason fled. There was no fighting the surge of panic. Her throat swelled with it until she nearly choked.

His grip tightened and in her disoriented state, all she could process was that she was being held down. Pinned. Helpless.

“No!” she choked out around a sob.

Even as the word exploded into the quiet, she was already kicking. The hands left her and she rolled away, against the wall. She put her back to it and curled her knees protectively against her chest.

She put her head down until her forehead touched her knees. All her most vulnerable parts were covered. Her stomach and ribs. Her face was hidden.

Because she knew what happened when she said no. There was always instant retaliation. It was a testament to just how afraid she’d been that the word had even escaped her lips.

CHAPTER 15

NOAH stared down in horror—and shock—as Lauren curled herself into a protective ball and huddled as far away from him as she could on the bed.

Her back was to the wall. It was a practiced move. It gutted him that this was something she’d obviously had to do before.

He honest to God wanted to puke.

Liam started forward but Noah put his hand out. When Liam turned to glare at him, Noah shook his head.

“I did this,” Noah said in a low voice he doubted Lauren even heard.

“Goddamn it, Noah,” Liam bit out. “You heard what he did to her that last time. He put her on her belly so she couldn’t fight him off, and then he held her down and raped her. She told us she hated that position. What were you thinking?”

Noah closed his eyes. He understood Liam’s anger. Noah was furious with himself. But this wasn’t the time to hash it out with his friend. Not when Lauren was in a protective ball because she was afraid of being hurt.

He held up his finger to Liam and shook his head once more. Then he crawled onto the bed, his gut in knots.

He hesitated, his hand hovering over her shoulder, afraid to touch her. He couldn’t bear for her to flinch away. The idea that she was expecting pain and humiliation instead of the pleasure he’d so wanted to give her made him sick to his soul.

“Lauren,” he whispered. “Honey, look at me please. I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never hurt you.”

Gingerly, he let his hand rest on her shoulder. She tensed but she didn’t flinch away or recoil. Her hair completely hid what little of her face that would have been visible, and he pushed it back, trying anything to calm her panic.

Liam sat on the bed and scooted until he was opposite Noah. His hand shook when he lifted it to Lauren’s dark head. He rested it on the back of her head and let it glide down to her nape.

“Lauren?” Noah prompted again. “Will you please look at me?”

Gradually, she lifted her head from her knees. Liam smoothed her hair back with both hands. He pulled it away from her face and made gentle, repetitive motions as if he were forming a ponytail, but Noah knew he was soothing her much like he would a wounded animal.

When she lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes were dull with embarrassment and the remnants of fear. It made his chest ache.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely. “I just panicked. I couldn’t make it go away. I’m so sorry.”

Noah swallowed back the rage that threatened to explode out of him. Now wasn’t the time. He had to handle this just right or he’d never get her back. She’d never trust him. He couldn’t afford to fuck this up.

“Will you let me hold you?” he asked softly.

She hesitated a moment—the longest moment of Noah’s life—before she finally made a move toward him.

It was shaky and hesitant, but with Liam’s help, she uncurled herself and then got to her knees. But she didn’t launch herself into Noah’s arms. She simply knelt there, glancing anxiously at him.

“Come here, sweetheart,” he said, pulling her into his arms.

He gathered her naked body against his and wrapped as much of himself around her as he could get. He held her tightly against his heart, rocking back and forth as he kissed every inch of her face.

“You will not apologize to me for this,” he said fiercely. “It’s my goddamn fault and it’s me who needs to be on my knees in front of you begging you to forgive me and give me another chance. I’m so sorry, Lauren. I wouldn’t frighten you for the world. I’d do anything at all for you to never be afraid again.”

He kissed the top of her head, her hair. He couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to absorb her right into his soul.

“Please look at me. Say something. Just as long as it’s not an apology.”

She lifted her head again and stared back at him, tears swimming in her eyes. His stomach plummeted. It felt like someone kicked him right in the balls. He certainly deserved it.

“Lauren, I’m sorry. Me. I ruined what was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced. I ruined it for you. I ruined it for Liam. And I damn sure ruined it for me.”

“I was the one who let him back in,” she said painfully. “I was so determined to keep him out, to keep the past in the past and not let it intrude on tonight. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, Noah. Please believe that. I never once thought that you would do anything I didn’t want. But even knowing that, panic took over and I couldn’t control what I did. My heart screamed that you would never hurt me and my mind just took over and shut me down.”

Noah positioned her so that she straddled his lap and he could look her in the eyes. He cupped her face, stroking her soft, sweet skin as he searched for just the right thing to say.

Fuck it all, but he didn’t know what to say. He could only be honest. He screwed up.

“Honey, you can not blame yourself for this. I did a stupid thing. It would be one thing if I hadn’t known what happened, but you told us. I just didn’t think. I wanted you so badly and I wanted to touch every inch of you. I