Theirs to Keep

“I heard him,” she said falteringly.

“Who did you hear?”

She closed her eyes and leaned forward until her forehead met his lips. “Him. The man who r-raped me. The one who tried to kill me.”

Merrick went completely stiff. He wrapped his arms around her, surrounding her and enveloping her in his embrace. She loved the sensation of being surrounded by him. Nothing could hurt her when he held her. He was invincible.

“What do you mean you heard him? Today? At the store? Did you see something that made you remember?”

She shook her head. “In the bathroom. I remembered…”

He hugged her to him for a long moment as if to allow her time to gather her composure. Then he gently pulled away so he could look into her eyes.

“What did you remember?” he asked in a low voice.

She sucked in a deep breath. “Just words. His voice. He s-said that I was a stupid bitch and he was going to kill me, but first he was going to have what he’s been having.”

Merrick frowned. “Is that all? Nothing else? Could you picture his face or his features?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head almost irrationally. No, she didn’t want to remember. She welcomed the blankness.

“I don’t even understand. The man said, ‘I’m going to have what he’s been having.’ But who was he talking about? Who is the he the man mentioned?”

Merrick touched her cheek until finally she opened her eyes and trained her gaze on him.

“Elle, baby,” he said in a tender voice. “He can’t hurt you anymore. Cade and I will protect you. He can’t hurt you.”

Tears swam in her eyes. “I don’t want to remember, Merrick. I don’t. I’m…happy…here. With you,” she blurted. “And Cade.”

He leaned down and carefully kissed away her tears. His lips were warm and electric on her face and skin. And oh so very tender.

“You do know that you aren’t going anywhere, don’t you?” he said as he drew away. “We aren’t going to toss you out. We aren’t going to get tired of you. We aren’t going to do anything at all but take care of you and protect and cherish you.”

“B-both of you?”

She hated the hope his words instilled, because what she was asking was impossible.

“How about we have this conversation when Cade returns,” Merrick said gently. “This is important to him— to us. To me. Some things just need to be said. Worked out. I don’t want there to be any misunderstanding over this.”

Slowly she nodded and then sagged into his chest. “I’m still afraid, and I hate it,” she whispered. “I hate being so damn helpless and powerless. I hate being a coward who doesn’t want to remember, who prefers a blank slate to remembering the person I was.”

He stroked his hand over her hair. “You went through a horrific ordeal. It’s only natural that you’re scared. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just know that Cade and I are here, and if you’re ever scared, all you have to do is come to one of us. As for the rest, it will come in time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. When you’re ready and able to hold up under whatever it is that’s hiding in your past, you’ll remember.”

His words bolstered her flagging spirit. They slid soul deep, offering her comfort in the darkest places of her mind and spirit.

She sighed and melted into his embrace, allowing his touch to warm and soothe her shattered senses.

In the distance, she heard Cade call that he needed help with the groceries, and she popped her head up.

She scrambled off Merrick’s lap but then hesitated, standing between his knees. Then she leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips.

“Thank you. I don’t know what happened to send you and Cade to me, but I thank God for you both every day.”

Merrick smiled. “Ever consider that we thank him for giving us you?”

Her eyes widened, because no, she hadn’t ever considered such a thing. Frankly it seemed ludicrous to her that the two of them would thank anyone for having such a burden dumped on their lap.

Merrick rose and took her hand. “Come on. Let’s go help Cade with the groceries, and then you can figure out what you want to make for dinner. That was what you said, right? You picked out lots of yummy stuff to make for us?”

The hopeful note in his voice made her smile. “Yeah, I did. I was careful to get stuff you can eat. You know, high protein. Low carbs. I didn’t want to mess up your training.”

The look in Merrick’s eyes made her stomach coil into a tight knot. Warmth brimmed in those dark eyes, and he pulled her to him, his hand cupping her cheek.

“That was sweet of you,” he said in a husky voice.

She thought he might kiss her again, but instead he kept hold of her hand, squeezing lightly as he headed in Cade’s direction.

They entered the kitchen as Cade was bringing in an armful of sacks.

“There more?” Merrick asked.

“Just two,” Cade said.

“I’ll grab them. You and Elle start putting up.”

Elle turned to open one of the sacks, but Cade put his hand out to her. His expression was troubled and inquiring as he stared at her.

“You okay? You look upset.”

She offered a smile. “I was, but I’m okay now. Really.”

He tugged her into his arms and kissed her, warm, sweet and lingeringly. And then he slowly pulled away, his eyes sparking with heat. She stood there, a little befuddled, while he began putting the milk and eggs in the refrigerator.

“Hey, no slacking,” Merrick said as he came through the door.

She blinked and then looked down at the still-full sack in front of her. Things had changed. Big-time changed. After six months of treating her with the utmost care and patience, suddenly they were being… She wasn’t even sure what it was they were being. They were still certainly careful and patient. So very gentle and loving. But now it was different. It was almost as if they were testing her…readiness?

Her ability to handle intimacy?

It was an insane thought, but she swore that was precisely what they were doing. And if so, was she ready? Or was she traumatized by something she couldn’t even remember?

More importantly, and what was making her head spin right off her shoulders, was that both men had expressed interest. Those kisses hadn’t been the kiss of a friend or acquaintance or even some affection for a woman they felt sorry for.

There may be a lot of things she couldn’t remember, but passion definitely wasn’t one of them. The heat that emanated from those kisses had nearly set her on fire.

But both of them?

It had occupied her thoughts enough, but she’d never breathed a single word aloud. She’d never even hinted that she’d had such a ridiculous thought.

She’d kept her ache secret and buried so deep that only she knew what had weighed so heavily on her mind.

She knew she had feelings for both men. Complex feelings. Some of which she didn’t even understand. All she knew was that it wasn’t something so simple as gratitude or attachment to the men who’d saved her. Nor was she latched onto them solely because she felt safe with them.

She wanted to be with them. Both of them. But never,