Precious Consequences

“Cameron - ”

“No, wait, just listen,” he interrupts. “We decided to be friends, and I thought it was the right thing to do because I didn’t want to feel anything for you. I was afraid that if I allowed that to happen then somehow I’d end up ruining you, the way I’ve ruined my family. I would never be able to live with myself if I did that.”

I swallow hard and look down. I’m almost positive he’s rejecting my again. He was so worried about me leaving after I found out about his father, but here he is, leaving me.

My voice is quiet when I respond. “I understand.”

I slide my hands away from him and into my lap. If I could, I’d get up and leave, but Cameron is my ride.

I feel him move next to me, but I don’t look up until his finger tips my chin up. “I don’t think you do,” he says in a hushed tone.

My lip trembles and I hate myself for it. Doesn’t he think I’ve had enough? Or that I can’t do this with him anymore? We’ve been playing this stupid game for weeks and I’m at my limit. I would give anything to be able to forget about him altogether and just move on, and it’s not like I haven’t tried, but there’s a magnetism between us that I can’t ignore. It’s so cliched, and that only makes me feel worse. It’s not that I love him, or that I’m in love with him, it’s just… I don’t know. Something keeps pulling me back to him.

“Please, take me home.”

I stand up and go to leave but Cameron wraps his hand around my arm, halting me in place. “Hayley,” he starts. “I understand if this changes how you feel about me - ”

“But that’s just it,” I interrupt him. “It doesn’t.”

He stands up, holding onto my arm. “Then why do you want to leave?”

“Because,” I choke out. “I can’t stand the idea of you walking away from me again, and let’s face it, we suck at being just friends.”

His fingers brush away a stray tear and I berate myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me. Stupid period. Stupid boy.

“Hayley, you jumped to the wrong conclusion,” he says.

“Then what did you mean exactly?”

He steps closer, until our chests are touching, and brings his hands to my face. My eyelids flutter at the feel of his fingers gently brushing over my moist skin. “If you had let me finish, I would have told you that you make me want to try.”

“Try what?” I ask, confused.

“More.”

“More?” I repeat, sounding like a broken record.

“Yes, more,” he rests his forehead against mine. “I can’t promise that I’m any good at it, but for you, Hayley, I’m willing to give it all I’ve got.”

“But what about my daughter? We’re a packaged deal.”

Cameron’s breath sweeps across my lips. “Having her doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

With a shaky voice I ask, “Are you sure about this?”

He gives me a lopsided grin, his eyes connecting with mine, and gives me the answer that has me holding my breath.

“Yes. I want the whole package.”

Chapter 13

~ Hayley ~

“Will you stop fussing with your hair?” Hannah chides, swatting my hands away. “You’re going to undo all my hard work!”

I roll my eyes, earning another slap on the shoulder. She’s spent the last hour helping me get ready for my second ‘first date’ with Cameron. After he told me about his father, it felt like something between us shifted into place, rather than out.

We’re spending Thanksgiving together the day after tomorrow, and to say that I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m meeting his mother and his sister, and I know they are the two most important people in his life, next to his father. I’m worried about what they’ll think of me, not because of Arianna, but because of how young I am to have her. I haven’t told Cameron about it though, he’s too excited for me to ruin it with my silly concerns.

But that’s tomorrow’s problem. Tonight is about us, and about figuring out where we go from here, one step at a time. I’m nervous about our date, but for a whole other reason. I’m staying over at Cameron’s house. Alone. With Cameron. Because his sister is so close to her due date, Cameron’s mother decided it was best if she stayed at their house for a few nights. Cameron actually insisted she'd go because she spends too much time cooped up at home, fussing over Cameron’s father. They have two full time nurses who take care of him so there’s no reason for her worry while she’s gone.

“Did you pack your new lingerie?” Taylor asks from her spot on my bed. I nod, looking down, and feel my cheeks grow warm. When I told Hannah and Taylor, who have also become really good friends, what Cameron had in mind for tonight, they both dragged me to a mall an hour away and took me shopping for new underwear and lingerie. Much to my humiliation, they made me try it all on as soon as we got home, even the lacy matching bra and panty sets had to be showcased. It was the first time someone other than my grandmother had seen me in my underwear after I had Ari, and it made me feel self-conscious. Somehow, Hannah and Taylor both made me feel at ease about it, however it has been short-lived since I’m not feeling as confident right now.

“Cam is going to f-r-e-a-k when he sees you in that black baby doll nightie,” Hannah throws in. So not helping my need to throw up, I think to myself.

“He’s not going to be able to keep his hands to himself,” Taylor chimes in, exchanging a look with Hannah. Bitches. None of this is helping. I’m still so damn nervous.

“How do I even know it’ll happen tonight?” I ask quietly. “What if it’s too soon? Don’t you think I’m rushing into this?”

Hannah turns me to face her, giving me her are you serious? look.

“It doesn’t have to happen tonight,” she says. “But if it feels right, then let it happen, Hayls.”

“But I’m nervous. It’s the first time I’ll be with someone like that after…” my words trail off. I don’t need to explain further because Hannah and Taylor both know everything about my past, even a little more than Cameron does. That little fact makes me feel a tiny bit guilty but that’s something I’ll have to deal with another time. Right now I have a more serious dilemma on my hands. I could possibly be having sex with Cameron for the first time and I’m terrified. Not because I think it’ll suck, but because I’ve never opened myself up so entirely, both physically and emotionally. Even in high school, when I used to distract myself with guys all the time, it was always purely physical. I never got my emotions involved. Until now.

“Sweetheart, trust me, I understand,” Taylor says, walking over to where Hannah and I are standing. “But Hannah is right. If it feels right, then timing isn’t important. What’s important is that it’s what you both want.”

“And I can tell you, in complete honesty, that Cam is just as nervous as you are for tonight, but he’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Hannah adds.

“He’s nervous too?” I squeak.

Hannah chuckles. “Yes, he is. He spoke to Noah, and I happened to overhear.”

I sigh, feeling my shoulders relax. “Okay then. I guess we’ll have to see how it all goes.”

“And please,” Taylor pipes up, zipping my overnight bag. “If you’re about to, you know, please think about those of us who are going through a dry spell, alright? Do it for those of us who aren’t gettin’ any!”

That’s all it takes for the three of us to burst into a fit of laughter. My nerves subside slightly until my grandmother knocks on my door.

“Come in, Gama,” I call out.