bulldoze his way into her bed again. Not without something seriously changing. She didn’t think it would be possible for a person to want someone more than she wanted him, but she couldn’t stand to keep ramming headfirst into those walls he kept throwing up between them.
She’d known, going in, that he wasn’t thinking in terms of forever. But, damn it, he could at least trust her enough to talk to her and let her in a little. For crying out loud, she’d told him she loved him! It’s not like there was anything a person could say that was more trusting and emotionally vulnerable than that. She’d laid her heart on the line and let him know it was his for the taking, if he wanted it.
Unfortunately, he’d made it pretty clear that he didn’t.
“Hey, Mike. Is Scott in the control room?” she asked, when she found the DEA agent sitting alone on the sofa in the living room, watching a ball game on the television.
Mike looked her way, shoved a hand back through his hair, and then his gaze quickly skittered away. “No, he’s, uh . . . out.”
She didn’t know why, but something that felt a little like pain started to coil through her belly. She had a bad feeling. Such a bad freaking feeling, and she started breathing a little faster. Had he gone after Rado? Was he off doing something dangerous that could get him hurt or killed? “Out? Out where?”
“I don’t really know,” he murmured, before he changed the subject. “I thought I’d make us some dinner. You like pesto?”
“Mike, where’s Scott?” She knew he wouldn’t just leave her with Mike and not come back. No matter how frustrated he might be with her, or angry, he wouldn’t bail on her when Rado was still out there. She believed that with every fiber of her being. “What’s he doing?”
Scrubbing his hand over the sexy five-o’clock shadow on his jaw, Mike said, “I’m not sure, Lil. All I know is that he said he’d be at the Palm for a few hours.”
She pressed a hand to her stomach, her nerves jumping. “The Palm? What is that? A bar? A club?”
Mike looked uncomfortable as hell. “It’s just a hangout in town.”
Her voice was starting to get a little brittle. “He left us to go and hang out at a bar? Or a nightclub? Which is it, Mike?”
“Lily, let it go. Please.”
“Like hell.” She didn’t want to think about what this meant—but that didn’t mean she hadn’t already figured it out. Some things were easy to see without a lot of thinking, and this was unfortunately one of them. She just didn’t understand why she hadn’t realized before. Why she hadn’t anticipated it. But then, there’d been a part of her still foolishly hoping that if she ever worked up the nerve to tell Ryder how she felt, he’d fall in line with her dreams and love her back.
God, she really was a naive little fool. She should have known that he’d run. And from the sound of it, he was determined to—
No, she didn’t want to think about it. Not unless she had to. Unless she saw it with her own two eyes and knew, without any doubt, what choice he’d made.
Looking at Mike, she said, “I need you to drive me over there.”
His eyes went wide. “What?
“I need to go there. To talk to him. Can you please take me?”
“Fuck, no!” Mike grunted, moving to his feet.
“Then I’m calling a taxi,” she muttered, starting to turn away, but Mike reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back around.
“You’re not calling a damn taxi! There’s a fucking terrorist gunning for you, Lily, and Ryder and Ben haven’t been able to find where he’s hiding. Ryder spent hours on the computer today searching for any cyber links to the guy, and Ben’s had every damn deputy in the department scouring the town. Until we know what the hell this bastard is doing, you’re not leaving this house.”
They wasted another ten minutes arguing, but in the end Mike drove her to the nightclub in his truck, the silence in the cab charged with tension. He seemed pissed at himself for giving in and doing what she wanted, though she hadn’t left him much choice. He’d even tried to call Ryder, but Ryder wasn’t answering his cell phone, which only made her more anxious. Was he okay? Or was he purposefully avoiding Mike because he wanted to avoid
A quarter of an hour later, Lily was standing in the already crowded club, her ears ringing from the blaring music, while her eyes burned with tears, and she had her answer. It’d taken her only a handful of seconds to spot Ryder, and now she knew that she’d been right about the bad feeling she’d had. But Ryder wasn’t out doing something dangerous. He was too busy feeling up the woman sitting on his lap to worry about catching a terrorist. Lily couldn’t see his face behind the woman’s waves of strawberry blond hair, but she knew it was him. She recognized his long, jean-clad legs and black boots, the strong forearms and hands that were wrapped around the woman’s waist, and the shaggy locks of hair that were visible as he nuzzled his way up the side of her throat. With a small choked sound, Lily pressed a hand against the searing pain in her chest. It was unlike anything she’d ever known, as if a white-hot poker had been stabbed right through the center of her heart.
“Who is she?” she croaked when Mike placed his hand on her shoulder, her voice thick with the tears that were already running down her face.
“I don’t know.” He sounded as surprised as she was to find Ryder sitting at one of the tables on the edge of the dance floor with some unknown woman in his lap. From the edge of her vision, she watched Mike pull a hand down his face, then slowly shake his head. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
“No. This is good. I needed to see this.” The last time Ryder had walked out on her, she’d cried for nearly two weeks, then spent three years missing him and hating him and trying to convince herself that she didn’t love him, without ever letting another man touch her. Tonight, there was no way in hell she was going to be so pathetic.
Not wanting to give herself time to think about what she was doing, she quickly turned and put her hands on Mike’s chest, pushing them up and over his broad shoulders, then around the back of his neck as she tried to pull him down to her.
Mike tensed against her. “What the hell are you doing, Lily?”
“Please, don’t tell me no,” she said in a rush, going up on her tiptoes. He was even taller than Ryder, which made reaching his mouth anything but easy. “I need this. I can’t lose it in front of him. I need this to ground me.”
“Shit, he’s going to fucking kill me,” he growled. But he didn’t push her away. He was already pulling her closer.
“Help me,” she whispered, knowing he probably couldn’t hear the soft plea over the music. But he was staring at her mouth so intently, she was sure he could read the words on her lips. “
He groaned deep in his chest, leaning down and giving her exactly what she wanted. And he was good, too. Better than good. If her heart didn’t already belong to someone else, Lily knew Mike Hudson could have rocked her world. But she’d met him too damn late.
Needing to push the pain to a place where she couldn’t feel it, she kissed Mike harder, thrilled with his response when he grabbed her ass and jerked her up against him, lifting her off the floor. She felt bad for using him—and knew damn well that it was wrong. But she couldn’t make herself stop. She wanted Ryder to see this and know that he hadn’t broken her. That she could take his childish shit and throw it right back in his face.
Only . . . she was acting like a child, too.
Hating herself for being such an idiot, Lily pulled back, knowing she needed to apologize to Mike. But she didn’t get the chance. All of a sudden Ryder’s strong, masculine arm was wrapping around her waist, yanking her away from Mike and plastering her against the front of his body. Then he lowered his head, and his voice was a furious hiss in her ear. “What
Struggling against his hold, she yelled, “Why should you care?”
His arm tightened. “Damn it, Lily.”
“Let go of me!” she screamed, prompting him to drag her through the growing crowd of customers and out the back door of the club. She had no idea where his date had run off to, but Mike followed after them with a grim look on his handsome face.
“I wouldn’t play with him if I were you.” Ryder’s voice was like cold steel, completely devoid of emotion. But
