“What?” he asked, now more than a bit curious.
“I thought you were the most handsome man I’d ever seen.”
“Now I know you’re just appealing to my vanity,” he replied.
She propped herself up on an elbow and looked at him. “No, James, I’m entirely serious. You have no idea how guilty I felt. I knew I had absolutely no business having such indecent thoughts about you while I was in gaol for murder … when my husband was dead. But I couldn’t help myself.” She bit her lip.
He rubbed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “If you were feeling guilty, I was feeling as if I were about to be smitten with a lightning bolt given the indecent nature of the thoughts I was having about you at the time.”
Her eyes widened like giant blue moons and she laughed. “James, you didn’t?”
“Oh yes. I did.”
She playfully slapped him on the shoulder. “You had indecent thoughts about me even though you thought I was a murderess?”
He shrugged. “I couldn’t help myself. Besides, I didn’t know for sure if you were guilty.”
“Is that why you brought me to your house?” She grinned at him.
“I brought you to my house because you were my responsibility. I wanted to keep you safe,” he replied. “I only prayed I could keep my hands off you.”
“You prayed?”
“Every single day.”
She giggled. “And you couldn’t? Keep your hands off me?”
He looked a bit chagrined. “Guilty. As you can see.”
“It’s all right, James. I couldn’t keep my hands off you either.”
“I tried my damnedest,” he said, reaching out and stroking the curl that lay on her shoulder, tempting him.
“I didn’t.” She laughed.
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. And it was several minutes later before he pulled his mouth from hers.
He tapped her nose with his fingertip. “Now that we’ve been so scandalous, my lady, we really do need to talk.”
She curled up under his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Oh, not now, James. We can talk tomorrow, can’t we? Tonight I just want to fall asleep in your arms.
He wrapped his arms around her more tightly. “Merry Christmas, Kate,” he whispered into her sweet- smelling hair.
“Merry Christmas, James.”
She giggled.
“What’s so funny?”
“You know what I want for a Christmas gift?” she asked with a sly smile on her face.
He leered at her. “What?”
She blushed beautifully and ducked her head under the sheet. “To do
He pulled up the sheet and followed her underneath. “That, my lady, can be easily arranged.”
When Kate awoke, the room was still dark. Thank goodness the maids weren’t up yet. The curtains were still drawn. None of the bright light from outdoors filtered into the room. She sat up and eyed James. His seamless brow, his smooth forehead, the straight line of his nose. He was so handsome. Handsome and noble and … he probably would make the perfect husband. He was perfect in all else, why not that? But the part she liked best was how his hair was mussed. She’d never seen him with mussed hair before. The man had always looked flawless. Apparently, even James wasn’t entirely perfect every minute. Though, she thought to herself with a small secret smile, last night had been. It had been exactly that. Perfect. In every way.
It wasn’t possible that she would forget it any time soon … or … ever. The things he’d done to her. Oh, she shuddered just thinking about them again. Some of them were indecent. Some of them were perhaps illegal. But all of them were immensely … fun. She giggled to herself. Good heavens. When was the last time she’d giggled?
Oh, this man, he brought out the most unexpected emotions in her. She searched his handsome sleeping face. One of them was … love. She sucked in her breath. Oh God, she loved him. She did. And it was because of that that she couldn’t allow him to throw away his life on her.
James stirred in his sleep. He opened one hazel eye. “Good morning.” He gave her a sensuous smile and her stomach flipped.
“Good morning,” she whispered back.
He sat up, pulled her into his arms, kissed her deeply, and Kate became aroused all over again by his expert touch.
He kissed her shoulder, her ear, the bend in her neck. Then he whispered into her hair. “We’ll be married as soon as I can procure a license.”
Kate’s heart stopped. She propped herself up on one elbow, holding the sheet to her chest. “What?”
He kissed her cheek. “It shouldn’t take longer than a day or two. I’ll go to London tomorrow. I’ll leave at first light.”
She shook her head and pushed herself away a little. “No.”
He looked up at her. His brow was furrowed. “No? Why? Is it because you’re still supposed to be in mourning?”
She shook her head. “What? No. I’ve caused such a scandal already, I don’t care about that. But we can’t marry, James.”
This time he sat up and his face wore a thunderous expression. “What do you mean? We just spent the night together, I thought that meant—”
She closed her eyes. “I want to, James. Truly, I do. But what people want and what people get are often two very different things. Don’t you know that?”
He grasped her shoulders, forced her to open her eyes and look at him. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Kate.”
She moved away from him, to the edge of the bed, the sheet still wrapped around her. “I’m a complete outcast. The
“I don’t give a damn about the
Kate didn’t answer. She let her hair fall over her face, hiding her torn expression. She wanted so desperately to believe. She held the dream in her head. She cherished it. Nurtured it. Could it be real? Could she truly stay with him? Could they find love?
CHAPTER 36
James left her room. In the early morning hours, he gathered his clothes and boots, slipped into the hall, and was gone. Afterward, Kate had lain on the bed and closed her eyes, remembering all the delicious things he’d done to her body last night and allowing herself a moment … to dream.
The dreams she’d had while locked in the Tower were never this good. She and James, getting married. She and James, spending their lives together. She and James, with children. She sucked in her breath. She couldn’t even imagine that happiness. Didn’t dare to dream it. In the end, she’d told him she had to think about it, that she would give him her answer later today, but she knew he thought he’d won. He thought their marriage was a foregone conclusion. Oh, how wonderful it would be if she could believe so strongly too. James might say he didn’t care about her ruined reputation and the fact that Society would cast them both out, but did he mean it?
