Secrets of a Scandalous Marriage

stomach dropped.

“What do you mean, Kate?” His voice was too hard.

She searched his face. His hazel eyes looked positively green from behind his emerald mask. “Do you want to marry me, James?”

He turned. Setting his glass aside, he braced his hands on the balustrade. “Damn it, Kate. I did. God knows I did.”

“And you don’t anymore?” She held her breath, cold tears trembling on her lashes. He couldn’t mean it. Things couldn’t have changed so much in merely a day. Not to mention, he’d just given the most chivalrous speech back there on her behalf. He had to love her. Didn’t he?

He expelled his breath hard, another white puff in the freezing night sky. “I asked you to marry me, Kate, and you left.”

She reached for him, grabbed his sleeve. “James, I love you. I just couldn’t tell you before. I didn’t want you to give up your life for me. Give up your reputation for me. But back there…” She gestured to the ballroom. “I realized. You already have.”

“I told you that already, Kate. What makes tonight any different than Christmas? Didn’t you love me then?”

“Yes. Yes, of course, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”

He looked down and shook his head. “You wouldn’t have hurt me, Kate.”

She dug her nails into the palm of her opposite hand. He was talking about it all in the past tense. As if there were no hope. She couldn’t stand it. What was it her mother had always said? There was nothing two deep breaths won’t cure. Kate took two very deep breaths and exhaled. “I didn’t understand that then. I thought … Lily told me you’d offered for her last spring and I was convinced you were just trying to fix things again. I didn’t think you loved me. Do you, James? Do you love me?” He’d turned to face her, and her eyes frantically searched his face.

His jaw was tight. “Don’t make me answer that, Kate. It doesn’t matter now.”

Tears streaked down her cheeks. They nearly froze in the cold wind. “Why? Why not?”

“I’ve never felt the way I do about you for any woman before. I’ve never— Damn it. I didn’t want to lose you. Lose the only other woman I ever gave a damn about losing. But I already did. I lost you.” He glanced away and there was a distant, dark look in his eyes. One that made Kate’s heart plummet. “I cannot do it again.”

“No, James. Listen to me.” She stepped forward and grabbed his shoulders. “Can’t we start over? Ask me to marry you again, James. Ask me—”

From inside the ballroom, the crowd grew louder. It had to be nearly midnight. Kate held her breath, watching James’s stony face. He remained completely silent.

From inside the ballroom, the crowd began to chant.

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

The crowd erupted into a mass of cheers as the church bells all over the city rang.

Kate ripped the mask from her head and searched James’s face. “Ask me, James,” she whispered brokenly. “Ask me.”

He pulled her hand away from his shoulder and placed it back at her side. He shook his head. “It’s too late.”

CHAPTER 43

Somehow James had ended up back at Colton’s town house. After his discussion on the balcony with Kate last night, he’d gone back into the party, ignored the stares and whispers, and danced, and drank and drank and danced some more. He was vaguely aware of the fact that Lily and Annie had left. They’d probably taken Kate up to her room, but Colton and Ashbourne dogged his steps the rest of the night, and now he was staring down another glass of that foul-smelling concoction that Colton had forced on him the day before. How in the hell had Colton and Ashbourne handled all of this in their younger days? James had been doing it for only two nights and already felt half dead. Though he had to reluctantly admit, whatever was in that awful concoction, it had worked. After drinking it the day before, he’d felt better almost immediately.

Lily brought the stuff again. She carried it on a silver tray along with a note from Colton asking James to meet him in his study in half an hour.

“How are you today, Medford?” Lily asked, watching him carefully.

“Not good,” he answered.

“You know, Kate—”

“No!” He held up a hand. “I do not want to talk about Kate.”

Lily slid the silver tray onto the bed next to James and then she plunked her hands on her hips. “I have something to say, my lord, and I’m going to say it even if you don’t want to hear it.”

James rubbed his temples. “Fine.” He groaned. “Get it over with.”

“I spoke to Kate last night and…” Lily bit her lip. “It seems I’d accidentally told her at Colton House that you’d offered for me and … well, she didn’t quite understand. I’m sorry, Medford. I didn’t mean to complicate matters, I apologized to Kate. I explained our friendship and why you’d offered for me.”

James’s face was blank. “I fail to see why that matters.”

Lily sighed. “You obviously don’t know women like you think you do.”

He arched a brow and gave her a wry smile.

“Look. We both know you only offered for me because your heart wasn’t involved. If it had been, if I could have truly hurt you, you wouldn’t have offered.”

He glanced away and cursed under his breath. “I hope you’re about to get to your point.”

“You’re angry with Kate,” she said. “I understand. But you know what I think?”

His voice was clipped. “Something tells me you’re about to say it even if I don’t want to hear it.”

Lily cracked a smile. “You’re right.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I think you are pushing Kate away now because she does have the power to hurt you. She has the power to hurt you very much and you cannot allow it.”

James expelled his breath and closed his eyes. “Are you quite through?”

Lily let out a frustrated breath and pushed the silver tray closer to him. “Yes, I’m through. But I wish you’d at least consider what I have to say.” She pointed at the green drink on the tray. “Drink this. Feel better. Then meet Devon downstairs. Perhaps he can talk some sense into you.”

“Don’t count on it,” James bit out.

He watched Lily stomp off, slamming the door behind her without a care for his pounding head. He winced. He supposed he deserved that. He’d been a complete ass since the moment she’d walked in the room. But he refused to listen. He knew exactly what he was doing. Using reason. Using logic. Since when had those two things ever let him down?

And now Colton wanted to speak to him. Perfect. He’d entertain a conversation with the marquis for exactly five minutes, thank him for his glass of green whatever-it-was, and be on his way. Lily and Devon may have found true love and a happily ever after, but both of them would do well to realize that they were fortunate. Happy endings didn’t happen for everyone.

Pinching his nose, James downed the vile liquid in one horrible gulp, washed up as best he could using the basin in his room, and made his way down to the study a bit early.

Firming his resolve, James pushed open the doors to the room and walked inside. Colton was nowhere to be seen, but Justin was there, sitting on the sofa in the middle of the study with a book open on his lap. The two dogs, Leo and Bandit, were perched on either side of him.

“Good morning, Uncle James,” Justin said in a bright, happy voice. James smiled at that. “Lily told me you were here,” Justin added.

James strolled in and sat down in the chair across from the five-year-old, regarding him. “Good morning, Justin,” he replied. “Lily was right. I’m here again. What are you reading?”

“A book about Egypt,” Justin said. “I intend to go there someday. I’m going to travel all around the