He will be alone, all during this voyage, and after having known a kind of love none of us has equaled.
Peake was one of them, and it occurred to Ravi, suddenly, to wonder if he could endure to see Peake completely alone all during this voyage. Did he and Teague have some kind of responsibility, since all of them were close as in — Moira had said it — one of these arranged marriages, to lessen Peake’s loneliness?
I am his friend; his partner, even, in navigating the Ship. Could I, if he needed me, be his lover too? The thought scared Ravi a little, and he turned and looked surreptitiously at Peake, who was studying the vast view beyond the lenticular window.
“Doesn’t it make you dizzy?” he asked.
Peake shook his head. “No,” he said, “I like it.”
Moira raised her head from studying the sails (a taut and twitching triangular corner against the stars], and said with a flick of sarcasm, “I am sure the Universe is happy at your approval.”
Peake was too dark to display a blush, but he lowered his head with a sheepish grin, and Ravi felt a sudden deep tenderness. He knew, suddenly, that he loved Peake too, and whatever happened, he wasn’t going to let him suffer in the years to come.
But he knew, too, that he was going to go on having sex with Moira just as long as she was in the mood!
During the next twenty-four hours, the crew explored the last comers of the Ship that they had not seen; the modules controlling the light-drives and the sails, the converter mechanisms which worked to recycle and re- molecularize materials into food, clothing and the other materials they needed for life abroad; although only Teague, in a special radiation suit, went into the main converter area. Moira explored the light-drives which she had helped to assemble, remaining there so long that Fontana became a little frightened and went in after her. Ching refused to allow anyone else inside the computer center under any conditions; she wore anti-static clothing, and stayed in only a few minutes.
“Just long enough to get the general layout in my mind, in case anything should go wrong — and let’s hope it won’t — and I have to go in and actually do something to the hardware,” she said, coming out and shucking the anti-static suit, “and I’m not giving any conducted tours. Some time in the next year or two, if anybody would like to learn what I know about computers, I’d be delighted to have a second-in-command-of-computers, or a backup technician. But not until I’m absolutely sure I know every inch of the thing myself!” She stretched, cramped — the interior of the computer module was somewhat smaller than she was, although she was not very large. “Not you, Peake — you’d never fit in there. You’d feel like that old torture — the box where you can neither sit, stand, nor lie down! I’m tempted to go and work out the kinks in the gym — none of us has been in there yet!”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Peake agreed. “Moira’s fussing around the sails again, but when she finishes, we can all go.”
They had to pass through two of the free-fall corridors to get to the module tagged as a gymnasium. Teague, who went through just behind them, noticed that Ching’s clinging to the crawl bar was a little less desperate, that for the last few seconds she actually let go and floated. So his efforts hadn’t been entirely wasted, after all.
“How do you want me to set the DeMags?” he asked Peake, who was immediately behind them.
“Full gravity,” Peake said, “at least for the first hour. One hour workout at full gravity, plus a four-hour sleep period at full gravity, will keep muscles and internal organs in tone. After that, if you want to experiment with low-gravity acrobatics, that’s up to you. But as the medical officer, I make it a professional recommendation with all necessary force — no less than one hour of full-gravity exercise per crew member per twenty-four hour ship’s day!”
“My, how solemn,” Moira laughed, coming in behind him. “We ought to have chosen you for captain, Peake, you have the right accent and the proper authoritarian manner!”
“I’m a doctor,” he replied. “This isn’t an opinion, this is a medical necessity. Just a simple fact. Ignore it at your body’s peril.”
“Gravity set,” Teague said, and went to an anchored rowing machine, where he sat down and began to pull against it with his powerful muscles. Fontana, standing at one edge of the cubical module, looked appreciatively at his bare shoulders, then began a slow jog around the room. After a few seconds, in spite of the fact that she was an extremely healthy young woman, she felt her heart pounding, let herself collapse for a moment to the floor.
Peake went and bent over her. “Trouble, Fontana?” He felt for her pulse and frowned.
“Tell me, did you sleep at full gravity last sleep period?”
Fontana felt the color rising in her cheeks, and looked quickly, guiltily at Teague. They had kept the DeMag units just high enough to keep them from drifting apart as they made love; afterward they had slept in zero gravity, floating. She shook her head.
“Now you see why you have to,” Peake said soberly. “It doesn’t take the heart very long to adapt to zero- gravity, and the heart’s like any other muscle, it gets lazy when it isn’t working; the muscles in the human body were made to operate at one gee. You’ll need to work out twice as long today, and don’t try that again.”
She stared at him rebelliously, but the thumping of her heart had frightened her. Could they really lose fitness so swiftly outside the familiar gravity of Earth? “All right,” she said soberly, “I’ll remember, Peake.”
Peake nodded and went off to jog around the edge of the room, setting himself a hard, unrelenting pace. At one side, Ching was clinging to a ballet barre, doing smooth, fluid knee bends — Peake rummaged in a packrat memory for the word, plies. During a lifetime of physical training, all of them had had introductory ballet exercises for fitness, and some of the women still used them as a training routine. Ravi was running too, on a treadmill. Peake ran on, feeling the pounding of his bare feet against the floor, enjoying the slow acceleration of his heartbeat. He was, he assessed himself mentally, in excellent condition. He intended to stay that way, though he supposed the novelty of doing exercises in the little gym module might wear off fairly soon.
As he ran around the small arena, recurrently, he passed Teague at the rowing machine, and about the fourth time he realized that he, too, was looking at the red-haired youngster’s superb muscled physique. Not, especially, with desire; just, he became aware that he was noticing Teague, and it dismayed him, ha hadn’t looked at anyone that way in years. Not since he and Jimson — he cut off that thought in midair, knowing Fontana had been right; looking back was pointless, simply a way to torture himself.
No harm in looking, he told himself grimly as he pounded around the track. Especially when that’s all it can ever come to. Teague and Ravi are both woman-chasers. Which is just as well because neither of them is my type, or ever could be.
He had never thought about anyone that way — not, anyhow, after adolescence — except Jimson.
But why not? Why was I different? He had read the theory that homosexuality or heterosexuality is firmly established by the age of two or three. When the practice is free of social stigma, as in the Academy, at least one out of every five or six men will be homosexual; and there had been four or five besides himself in their class. All but himself and Jimson had experimented with women, too; they had simply been too wrapped up in one another.
I don’t know how I feel about women. I never bothered to find out. And then Peake, running, realized that this kind of thought was the sort of thing which hard exercise was intended to exorcise; wholly preoccupied with the body, awareness and morbid introspection left the mind. He sped up his running to sprint level, and thought dropped away; he was simply enjoying the feel of his body, his feet drumming the track, his heart pounding, the feel of sweat bursting from his body.
When it happened it was not the way he had always thought it would be if such a thing happened. First he felt his feet slip slightly, as if the floor had suddenly become tacky and his bare feet lost their traction. Then, since he was moving too swiftly to check himself, he felt himself slip loose and plummet, free of gravity,
toward the far wall. Inertia, he thought, an object keeps travelling in the same direction unless something happens to stop it…he twisted as hard as he could to roll up in a ball, struck hard with one shoulder and slid along — no longer down — the wall. He looked around. Ching was floating, clinging with one hand to the ballet barre, looking suprised and panicky; the force of her kick had flung her into the air with nothing to bring her down again. Fontana, Ravi, and Moira were floating in midair, while Teague, still in the rowing machine, was staring in dismay as it wobbled under him.
Moira, with the skill of the free-fall-trained athlete, was already aware of what had happened, and making sturdy swimming motions down toward the DeMag unit.
