Then I saw Sucre leave the kitchen with a hunting rifle.
Had I betrayed Alix?
“I have to find Alix.” If I waited until midnight to speak to her, it would be too late.
I hurried back to our room, but she was not there.
Aurora was curled up in her bed, studying her German. She didn’t even bother to look up. “Would you mind closing that door? There’s a horrible draft in the hallway.”
“Have you seen Alix?”
She shook her head. “Not since yesterday, but she must have been here this afternoon. Some of her things are gone. Katerina Alexandrovna, will you please close that door?” She shivered.
I slammed the door behind me as I left. I did not know if Alix had run away or if someone had been rustling through her things. I knew Elena was dying of curiosity about the box Alix kept under her bed, but I did not think she would stoop to petty thievery.
I hoped Alix was keeping herself hidden. I decided to look for Sucre next. On my way back downstairs, I passed the library. The frightening cold seeped out from the room, touching me out in the hallway. I wanted to hurry past, thinking of the warmth in the kitchen, but I heard a sob inside, and stopped.
I peeked in the library and saw Augusta crying in the far corner. “Mon Dieu, what’s wrong?” I stepped across the threshold and hurried over to her. “Augusta?”
“I can’t stop the tears. It all seems so pointless.”
I wrapped my arms around her. “What is so pointless?”
“Life. My life is pointless. I would be better off dead.” She sniffed against my shoulder. “Everyone else would be better off if I were dead too.”
I shook Augusta by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? You are being ridiculous!”
She shook her head. “I think I’ve known it all along, but it all became clear to me just now.”
“Just now?” I looked around us, bewildered by her sudden emotions. “Since you came to the library? We’ve got to get you out of here.” I stood up and tried to pull her up with me.
Augusta was not being helpful. She tucked her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth. “I’m so cold … so cold.…”
“Where is your sister? She could not bear it if something happened to you, Augusta. And what about your mother? Your father? Your two little brothers?”
She was crying but would not move. I grabbed her by the arms and began to drag her across the floor.
“Just let me be!” she sobbed.
“What is happening?” Elena stood in the doorway, eyes wide at the spectacle Augusta was making of herself.
“Don’t just stand there,” I hissed. “Help me get her out of this room!” I could feel an enormous gloom settling on my shoulders. As if life itself was too heavy a burden to carry. The ghost’s despair was beginning to affect me as well. Was this how she had killed the kitchen servant? “We have to hurry.”
Elena sighed heavily and grabbed one of Augusta’s arms, while I took the other. Together we dragged her out of the room and into the hallway. She was still sobbing.
I dropped down to hug her. “You’ll feel better now. It was only the ghost making you feel so miserable.”
Elena stared at us and looked back into the library. “I thought the ghost was gone. I thought after the Christmas holiday, things seemed more like normal.”
I shook my head. There was not enough time to explain everything. I got back up on my feet. “Do you know where Erzsebet is? I think she should take Augusta back to their room.”
Elena glared at me. “Come on, Augusta. Let’s see if we can get some hot cocoa before we go to bed.”
“Let me get it for you,” I offered. I needed to get to the kitchen anyway to find Sucre.
“Merci, Katerina,” Augusta said. “You are the best friend.”
Elena’s look was venomous.
“Thank Elena too,” I said quickly. “I would not have been able to pull you out if she hadn’t been here to help.”
Augusta threw her arms around Elena’s neck. “Merci!”
Elena’s face softened a little as she hugged the Bavarian princess back. “You’ll bring me some cocoa too, won’t you, Katerina?” she asked over Augusta’s shoulder.
“Of course.” I turned and hurried toward the kitchen.
The dining hall was empty and dark, with only two gaslights along the wall still lit. As I walked closer, I heard two deep voices speaking French within the kitchen. One was Sucre. The other sounded familiar but I could not quite place it. Slowly and silently, I pushed the swinging door open, just an inch. I covered my mouth to hold in my shock. The fae cook was talking to Papus, the French wizard.
“Did you find the beast?” Papus was asking.
“Not yet, but I know who she is now,” Sucre answered. “I suspected her all along, but now I have proof.”
Papus shook his head. “And it is truly a student? The grand duke may not care, but I have a problem with killing a child.”
“You need a werewolf’s heart for the ritual, do you not? What does it matter about the body it comes from?” Sucre spit on the ground. “All werewolves are killers. I am sworn to hunt every last one down.”
Papus sighed and nodded wisely. “C’est vrai.”
“You will have your wolf’s heart before the night is over.”
“Magnificent. The grand duke will be pleased.”
I felt my blood run cold in my veins. No. It wasn’t possible. I blinked back tears and slowly, silently, let the swinging door close. I had to find Alix and warn her. Was George a part of this horrible plot? I refused to believe it. Papus had to be talking about one of the other grand dukes.
I couldn’t even begin to think about what the Frenchman’s words implied. I had to protect Alix first. I should never have trusted Sucre. Dark Court or Light, one should never trust the fae.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
I searched all over the school grounds but could not find Alix. It was close to our curfew, and I knew Madame Tomilov would be checking to make sure everyone was in their beds. I had to return upstairs.
No one else was in our room. It was eerily, unnaturally quiet. I turned around and tried to leave, but the door was stuck fast. I could not escape.
Over the sound of a thousand fluttering bird wings, I heard the strands of Iphigenia’s aria in my head, soft and mournful. I was overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of unbearable sadness. My legs were suddenly weak, and I slid to the floor. It hurt my heart and made my breath catch. “Why?” was all I could think to ask. “What made you want to die?” Because at that moment, dying was all I could think of as well.
There was no answer. Just the drumming of a heartbeat, slowing down. And slowing down. But it did not stop completely. It was maddening. I had the insane urge to stop it. Stop it. Stop the beating. Make it stop.
Filled with a bitterness that was tinged with regret, I thought of my parents and my brother. They did not need me to ruin their lives. There was no way I could protect them. None of the girls at Smolny had any need of me. Some of them were starting to fear me. I did not want to be considered a monster. I felt sick to my stomach. Like I’d swallowed something black and poisonous, and it was spreading slowly throughout my body, slowing me down. It spread from my chest to my belly, then down my arms and legs.
Stop the beating. I hugged my arms around my knees, rocking slowly, keeping in time with the heartbeat. The tiny candle flame on the bed stand was dying, and the shadows in our room were deepening. It was exhausting, listening to that torturous heartbeat, and I thought how easy it would be to fall asleep, how nice it would be not to have to wake up again.
“Come with me …,” a young girl’s voice whispered above the muted heartbeat. “Katerina Alexandrovna …,” she coaxed. “It’s beautiful here.”
