so, and if he weren’t dead these months, and was just next door only now he ain’t, then why in all this time wasn’t he writing to you, Miss? Not even a line or two, not using his name?”
Every muscle inside me was now clenched and tense. Mary, in her usual way, was putting her thumb “right on the sore spot,” as her mother would have said. I didn’t know the answer to her question.
Mary went on. “Unless — and I hope I ain’t hurting your feelings none, Miss — but, unless maybe he was finding somebody else? He’s been gone a long time, and there’s lots of girls running about Paris, I’ve noticed, girls that ain’t so far above him. But what I’m really wanting to know, Miss, is … do you think they’ll all be changing their minds someday?”
I’d been so focused on my own worries that I hadn’t seen the direction Mary’s thoughts were taking. I turned my mind from my own conundrums and squeezed her arm.
“I’m not certain, Mary. But I would guess the shorter the acquaintance, the more changeable a mind could be. Wouldn’t you agree?” I tried to smile at her serious face.
“Well, Miss,” Mary said, “if we’re swapping advice, and if you don’t mind a dose of it from me, I wouldn’t trust that Mr. Marchand, Miss. Not for a minute, Miss. He looks at you like a fox in a chicken coop what’s got only one hen.”
I attempted a smile for the second time, but I couldn’t summon it. It wasn’t Henri Marchand or Mrs. DuPont or even the emperor of France I was afraid of this evening. The name of my deepest fear was Katharine Tulman, and whether tonight she would once again be making a terrible mistake.
At nine o’clock, I stood in front of the mirror in Marianna’s room, fidgeting. Uncle Tully was well, his bruises more faded, the upstairs attic now resembling a mechanical nest. My bruise was almost undetectable, but the small cut, I feared, was going to leave a scar. I had a bag packed beside the door of my room, and one of Dr. Pruitt’s little brown bottles on the chimneypiece, just in case the night went badly. I had not yet mentioned the idea of fleeing Paris to Mary, but I saw her eying the bottle and guessed that she was drawing her own conclusions.
But my hair was done, my dress almost so, the poor little French seamstress still on her knees at my feet, frantically stitching. There had been no time for complicated tucks and flounces, so Mrs. Hardcastle had suggested we rely on simplicity and the beauty of the material instead. I was enveloped in layers of rich velvet in an emerald green, yards of it, heavy and hot where it was not too breezy. There were places that were much too breezy. Mary stood behind me, fumbling with the buttons.
“Good heavens, Miss!” she fussed, giving me a light whack on the exposed skin of my back. “Will you stop your moving about?”
The seamstress looked up from her last line of stitches, scandalized. I managed to stand still for three more buttons before surrendering again to my nervousness. It was just like the night before my eighteenth birthday, another night when I had wholeheartedly regretted my choice of clothing, mostly because the girl looking back at me had not resembled Katharine Tulman. Then I had been remarkably pretty. For me. Tonight I was all eyes and pale skin — too much pale skin — and cascading curls made red by the color of the velvet. I was not remotely pretty; I was exotic, and I wished I could stay home, for more reasons than just my wardrobe. The seamstress pulled the final stitch, Mary did up the last button, and we all stared at my reflection in the mirror. My stomach squeezed.
“Fine,” I said to the alien creature in the mirror. “Let’s get this over with, then.”
I soon discovered the difficulties of getting through a door while wearing an enormous hoopskirt, and then the dangers of negotiating stairs when one could not catch a glimpse of her own feet. I took the steps slowly, feeling for each solid surface beneath my slippers, which must have made my entrance downstairs rather dramatic, because Henri Marchand, who was waiting in the foyer, nearly dropped his cigarette. Mrs. Hardcastle was there as well, ogling the scene through her pince-nez, gathering some juicy bits of news for the girls next door, no doubt. I breathed out my relief when I made it safely to the bottom of the stairs.
“My!” said Mrs. Hardcastle, patting my arm fondly. “I wish Alice Tulman could have been here to see that, I daresay. What a face she would be making! Have a lovely time, my dear.”
I tried to say something in reply, but nerves had made me mute. Henri did not smile, either, insolent or otherwise. He had a white rose in the buttonhole of his black coat. He said nothing, just offered his arm. I took it.
In the carriage, Henri was quiet, looking thoughtfully out the open window as he smoked. It was a cool evening, but I had decided the smoke was a greater evil than the cold.
“This invitation,” he said, breaking the silence, “it comes from the emperor himself, or from the empress, or someone high in their circle of friends, yes? Do you know why this is?” I was thinking how best to answer, but before I could he turned his face to me and said, “And if you did know, Miss Tulman, would you tell me?”
I sighed. “No. I probably wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”
He laughed, but there was no humor it. I could see the lack of it in the light of passing streetlamps. I truly was sorry. I felt guilty, putting him to so much trouble without explanation.
“There is a purpose to the evening,” I said, “of that I am certain.” It was what I found so frightening. “My thought is to just remain as unobtrusive as possible, and see where the night leads us. I’m sure all will become clear.”
He laughed again. “Miss Tulman, in case you do not know, you will not remain ‘unobtrusive,’ as you say, in that dress.”
“Don’t be impertinent,” I said, holding back a smile.
“Just stay close to me,” he said, not impertinent at all.
Light blazed at the Tuileries, eclipsing the stars. From every door and window, and from the dozens of bonfires set along the drive, showing the way for the carriages. We drove through an enormous stone arch, life- sized statues of horses on its top, through a gate, and followed the line of fires to the doors. I had elected not to wear a wrap even with the slight chill, not having anything near fine enough, and when we were shown inside, I was glad. The crowd was dense, the heat of so many bodies sweltering even with so much of my upper half exposed. We ascended a very grand staircase, one with the crowd, moving with them through a columned gallery, past guards standing motionless in their finery, and then from room to ornate room, deeper and deeper into the palace, not speaking to each other or to anyone else, but eliciting stares nonetheless.
I’d been wrong, I realized, that first night at Mrs. Reynolds’s, about what people wore to a ball. The extravagance of satin, lace, curls, and glittering gems was beyond anything I could have imagined. But it was the heads I was watching again — I could not help it — eyes searching for one that was tall and dark. There was no reason in the world for Lane to be here, I knew that; it made no sense for him to be. But that one partial word written in his hand had me looking all the same.
We entered a large, open hall, even more crowded, two stories high with a balcony, and after a quick count, exactly one dozen arched windows. The hall was all marble and statues, candelabras and gilt, so much gilding that the entire domed ceiling was covered with it, dully reflecting the crystal chandeliers. The walls were thick with portraits and flowers, the scents mixing with the many different perfumes in the air. It was dazzling, the noise of French voices and skirts and shoe heels and laughter and the clinking of glass all too much to listen to. But everywhere I did listen, I could hear the same name, and everywhere I looked, in brocade, on the tapestries, emblazoned in pieces of silver, there was the large letter
I clutched Henri’s arm and whispered, “If you see the emperor, you will point him out?”
“I do not think I shall have to, he will …”
The man in front of me stepped back, treading on my skirt, and I realized that the front of the room was clearing, the crowd pressing backward. Violins began to play, and the noise subsided. Over the shoulders and
