7
As Anni’s words sank in, Marina felt even more numb than the painkillers had left her.
‘What d’you mean, you couldn’t find her?’
‘I mean we couldn’t find her,’ said Anni, fidgeting uncomfortably in her seat, like her skin didn’t fit right and was too itchy for her body. ‘We looked everywhere, but no sign … ’
‘Everywhere. You looked everywhere … ’
‘Yes. We did. In the cottage, outside … ’ She moved about, unable to settle. ‘We found some of her things. Clothes, toys. Or what was left of them. But no Josephina.’
‘I’ve got to … I’ve got to go … ’ Marina tried to swing her body over the edge of the bed, put her legs down, her feet on the floor. Her breath caught in her throat. She pulled air in sharply and gasped. The movement sent more pain spasming round her body. She fell back, hard.
‘Marina, you should stay there.’
‘I’ve got … got to go … my baby, I have to find my baby … ’
‘But we’ve looked … ’
Marina once again tried to get up. Failed. ‘Then … Look again.’
‘We—’
‘I’ll come with you. I should be there. You need me. Josie needs me.’ Ignoring the pain, Marina eventually sat up. ‘She’s got to be there. She’s … I don’t know, maybe she crawled out, got away from the cottage. Maybe she—’
‘We looked everywhere, Marina. Honestly.’ Anni’s voice low. Calm yet authoritative.
Marina felt a pain far worse than her physical injuries move through her body. A fear, like lead spreading in her veins, poisoning her, weighing her down. Removing her contact with the normal world. ‘Maybe she … maybe someone’s got her, seen her and taken her in, looking after her … ’ Marina reached out, gripped Anni’s sleeve, twisted the fabric, pulled hard, her voice teetering on the edge of hysteria.
‘We’re looking into every possible lead.’
Marina dropped her hand away, felt herself getting angry. She had heard Phil speak the same way. ‘Don’t talk to me like that, Anni, save it for the punters.’
Anni recoiled, shocked.
Marina sat up. The room spun, but she ignored it and concentrated on the other woman. Locked eyes with her, made sure she understood what she was saying. ‘Josephina, Josie … She must be there. Must be. Must be somewhere.’
‘We’ve looked. Everywhere.’
‘Then look again.’
Anni sighed. ‘We have.’
‘But somebody must know … If she’s been there, if she’s … if someone’s got her, taken her in … if … someone must have seen, someone … ’ Marina fell back on the bed, exhausted. ‘Oh God, oh God … ’ The pain subsided and the room slowed, stopped spinning. ‘I know,’ she said, her voice suddenly weak. ‘I know. I’m sure everyone’s doing their best … ’
‘Mickey’s gone to join them,’ Anni said. ‘He’s up there now with the local team.’
Mickey Philips. The detective sergeant in the Major Incident Squad they were all a part of.
‘Oh God … ’ Another thought had struck Marina. ‘She might be … ’ Her voice wavered, broke. ‘The cottage — she might be … ’
‘Mickey’s there,’ said Anni, her voice dropping. ‘If she’s there, he’ll find her. Wherever she is.’
Marina nodded. Kept nodding. She didn’t notice the tears until she felt Anni’s arm round her.
‘Oh God … ’ The lead weight in her veins increased. Her heart, her whole body felt heavy, the fear paralysing her. ‘Oh God … ’
The two of them sat like that, a still life of grief, while time became a vacuum.
The mood was broken when the curtain at the front of the cubicle was pulled back. Marina looked up. A tired-looking female nurse entered.
‘How you feeling?’ said the nurse. Her voice sounded distracted, professional interest only, but her eyes held compassion, albeit with black circles beneath them.
Marina stared at her. She couldn’t begin to answer the question.
‘My husband … how … how is he? Where is he? Can I, can I see him?’
‘He’s still in surgery,’ said the nurse. ‘They’re doing all they can.’
‘Oh God … ’ The heaviness again, the weight pressing down on her.
‘Any news? Anything you can tell us?’ Anni spoke as one professional to another.
The nurse gave her a level look. ‘They’re hopeful.’
‘What’s wrong with him?’
‘The fire set off an explosion,’ said the nurse, checking Marina over. ‘Luckily he wasn’t too near it, otherwise he wouldn’t be alive now, but he was hit by flying debris. Head injury. They’re operating now.’
The nurse’s words left Marina feeling cold and numb.
‘His mother’s doing well. She doesn’t look as bad as they first thought.’ The nurse paused. ‘I’m sorry about his father, though. Apparently there was nothing the paramedics could do for him.’
Marina said nothing. Couldn’t speak.
‘You’re in shock,’ the nurse said. ‘We’re just waiting for a bed to become free and we’ll move you to that. We’d like to keep you in overnight. Plus I’m sure you want to be near your husband.’
She looked between Marina and Anni. ‘I’ll pop back soon as I can.’
She left, closing the curtain behind her.
Anni said nothing. Marina stared ahead of her, the pattern on the curtain dancing and swaying before her eyes.
Anni’s phone rang. She jumped. ‘That might be Mickey,’ she said. ‘Give me a minute.’ Looking relieved to have a break, she went outside the cubicle.
Marina didn’t move, just stared. Straight ahead, unmoving. Her daughter’s eyes, that was all she could see. Her eyes. Her smile. Her hair.
She felt a sudden urge to scream, to pound the walls, smash her head against them. Let it all out, try to express the inarticulate, raging emotions she was feeling. But she fought it. For now.
Anni stepped back inside and resumed her seat.
‘Any news? Josephina? What’s happening? What’s … ’
Anni shook her head. ‘Nothing yet. I’m sorry … ’
Marina sank back. ‘No. No. She has to be there. No. She must be.’
‘They’re still searching. They … ’ Anni sighed. ‘I know. But … ’
Marina said nothing.
‘Look, I’ve got to ask some questions, I’m afraid.’
‘No.’ Marina shook her head, closed her eyes.
‘Please, Marina. I know it’s difficult. But we’re here as a favour. Because it’s you and Phil and you’re in the job. The local force have turned a blind eye. Look, you have to help us. If there’s anything … ’
‘No. No.’ Marina looked at Anni. Saw the other woman was not just doing her job, but also trying to help. ‘Just … ’ She sighed. ‘Give me a minute. Five minutes.’
‘OK.’ Anni nodded and stood up. ‘D’you want anything? I’m going to get a drink. Bar of chocolate. Famished.’
Marina barely heard her.
‘OK, then.’ She left the cubicle.
Marina lay back and stared at the curtain once more. Heard music, recognised it. The old Joy Division song, ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’. Absently she wondered where it was coming from.
Then realised it was a phone.
She looked round. Anni’s bag was on the floor beside the chair. She bent over the side of the bed, feeling her head spin, her sides ache as she did so. No. The sound wasn’t coming from there.
