Shards of Us

Look at what he could've done as Marco's successor to our rival cartel. We helped people, Crystal. Don't forget that. We helped people because we killed his son, and so he needed to die.'

My whole body is shaking. I can't believe this. I can't believe any of this.

My parents are still alive.

My parents work for a cartel.

My parents are murderers and they don't even regret it. Not like Sebastian does.

'Why do you get to decide if someone deserves to die?' I whisper. The rage keeps on boiling inside of me, white hot and passionate. 'What makes you any better than Marco's son, if you killed him in cold blood?'

'Crystal--' Mom starts, the same infuriating disappointment in her voice. 'You don't know what you're saying.'

I throw my head back and laugh, annoyed. 'Really? Because I think I know what I'm saying more than I ever have before.'

'No.' She steps forward. 'You don't. We aren't bad people, Crystal. We're just trying to do what's right, so we can provide for you.'

'You've never cared about me,' I hiss. My head is throbbing so hard I swear it's about to explode.

'Crystal--'

'Just tell me what happened next!' I scream. My throat is so strained that the raw skin is sore and biting, and all of the rage and the tears and the pain from the last years keeps bubbling up inside me, unleashed on the two people who caused all this.

'Okay,' Mom says quietly, that innocent look in her eyes. My hands clench. I've always hated that look. I've always hated how she pretends to be innocent, to be the good guy, when we all know she is anything but it. 'So Marco hated us,' she continues, 'for what we did to his son. For a few weeks after, we left the country, telling you it was just another business trip and we'd be back soon. We were… desperate, I guess. And scared. We knew that he'd be after us, that he'd know who was behind it and want revenge, and so we fled. But he didn't actually find us until he sent his hitman after us once we returned home.' I feel Sebastian stiffen beside me, and suddenly it all makes sense. My stomach constricts, because I know and dread what she's about to say. 'Sebastian was the hitman,' she says quietly. 'He knew we'd have to come home to you sooner or later, so he waited outside our house, he told us, for several days. He followed you around to make sure you weren't secretly meeting with us, and when we finally came home from our trip, he was ready. You weren't there. And he… he was going to kill us. But he couldn't. Because of you, Crystal. He didn't want to kill your parents. So he took us with him, told us he would save us and fake our deaths but we had to run now, and when we asked where we'd go, he told us about this place… about his secret apartment. We've been living here in hiding ever since. We were too afraid to contact you, until last night when Sebastian told us you were here, and we made him let you go. We decided it was time that you know the truth.' She drops her voice. 'I'm sorry, Crystal. For everything.'

My whole body keeps shaking. This can't fucking be real. I keep thinking they're lying to me or something, because there is no way Sebastian would betray me like this, would hide my parents from me even though he knew how much not having them hurt me. 'But why did he save you because of me? He didn't even know who I was until a few months ago.'

Sebastian steps forward, his eyes intense and fiery as ever. I turn to him. I feel the heat from his body pulsing throughout the room, making everything so much more intense, more real. He clears his throat before he speaks, looking oddly nervous. 'I knew you, angel,' he says in a rough voice. 'I knew you long before you knew me. When I was following you to make sure you weren't secretly meeting with your parents, I… well… I became fascinated with you. I followed you to your dance recitals, and I watched from the bleachers. And I remember thinking how you were just so elegant. So beautiful and strong and innocent and graceful. I loved how you danced. I loved watching your body move. But more than that, I loved the peace it gave you, the confidence, because I knew how hard your life was without your parents around and yet… you still found peace. You amazed me, angel. You were so light and happy back then, and you made me want to be a better man. You made me regret who I was.' Sebastian drops his voice, reaching out a hand to touch my hair again, but I back away, still shaking. No no no. No! No! No! 'I fell for you when I was supposed to kill your parents. I'd always done my job without question before you, killing whoever Marco said to kill because he told me they were bad, that they needed to die, and I told myself it was right to kill them. But when the time came for me to pull the trigger on your parents, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt you like that. I couldn't kill your own parents. I already loved you too much, and so, I let them go and dressed up two… earlier victims… to take their place. I risked my life all because of you, angel. And when Marco found out, he tried to kill me, but I got away just in time. I got this when the bullet clipped me.' He points to the scar on his cheek, the one he's been so protective of. 'I didn't have the guts to approach you until I saw you at that club a year and a half later, and I couldn't contain myself.' He steps forward, dropping his head down, looking sadder than I've ever seen him before. 'I'm sorry,' he whispers. 'I'm so sorry.'

I hold my breath. I feel like I'm dreaming, like none of this can be true. My whole body is shaking so hard and as I look between my parents and Sebastian, the only people I've ever trusted, I feel so painfully betrayed. My heart hurts and hurts, and the rage boils inside of me.

My parents are alive.

I lost dance because I thought they were dead.

I almost died because I thought they were dead.

But they were just hiding the whole time.

And Sebastian saw it eating away at me, and still, he kept it from me.

They betrayed me. They all betrayed me.

My vision starts blurring, going in and out, and now I have nothing but anger left. I want to scream. I want to run away. I want to end this--somehow.

The man I love betrayed me.

Sebastian betrayed me.

The tears start pouring out now, racing like the beating of my heart, and I just keep shaking my head, backing away from Sebastian and my parents and toward the stairs.

'So you were behind all this?' I whisper to Sebastian, tears stinging at my eyes. 'Their death almost cost me my life. It sure as hell cost me everything else. You saw how it hurt me and you did nothing. You--you--' My voice cracks then, more tears rushing out.

Sebastian's eyes flare up now, such an intense blue, and I feel them on me, feel their intensity, as he steps toward me. 'You're right.' His voice is low and rough still, but I see the passion building up, the love he doesn't know how to control. 'I did see how it hurt you. And you know what? It fucking hurt me too. No, it killed me to see you hurt like that! But I couldn't tell you what I'd done… and what your parents had done. I was too scared. I was too scared it would hurt you even more. I--I made a judgment call. I'm--'

'Sorry?' I scream. 'You're sorry? After lying to me all this time, keeping things from me like this, and jeopardizing my life so many times, all you are is sorry? You don't know what sorry means, Sebastian! You don't know what you have cost me!'

'But I do!' he shouts right back, stepping toward me and reaching out his hands, trying to wrap me up in his arms and make the pain go away like he always used to, but I just keep stepping back, not letting him, shoving him away with my hands. 'I do understand your pain! I do know what this cost you! That's the point, isn't it? I do know. I'm the only who is fucking broken as you are! I know you. And you know me. We were meant for each other, angel, don't you see? I screwed up, and I'm sorry. But I did it all for you. I did it because I loved you!' His eyes feel like they're on fire now and his face is red from shouting, but I feel something break inside of me. I don't know what it is--hope breaking? Happiness? Love? But whatever it is, it kills. It feels like a bullet, right to the heart. And I just keep shaking, taking a step down the stairs, then another, and another, still facing Sebastian.

I can't do this. I can't go on like this. I have to leave. I have to get away from here.

And then hits me.

What I need to do.

It hits me as I lock eyes with Sebastian's intense blue. It hits me, the memory, and I know I have no choice.