wall of her private solar. Olwen he placated with a pouch of silver and employment in his household so that she could dance for him or bed with him at his whim.
Renard had said very little on the matter, but sometimes Elene would see him staring into space and know where his thoughts were dwelling. On those occasions she would either interrupt him, or go away and absorb herself in some task until the panic and the anger had subsided. He had not revoked the Hawkfield charter, perhaps out of honour, perhaps hoping that it would serve the place of a lamp in the window. She had not investigated too closely.
Reaching abruptly for the wine flask amid the remains of their meal, she poured herself another half-cup. ‘What about Caermoel? Is it safe to leave?’
Renard stretched. ‘It’s strong enough to withstand immedi ate assault. I’ve left William de Lorys in command. He’s competent enough. Indeed, if he likes the post, I might make him constable.’ Sitting up, he drew her cup hand to his lips and stole a mouthful of wine. ‘More stone is arriving this week from the quarry at Ledworth. It won’t be long before the new sections of wall are finished.’ Gently he plucked away a piece of twig that she had missed. ‘By the way, did I mention that I’m taking a squire into my retinue once I’ve done my service in the fens?’
‘No, you didn’t,’ Elene said, exasperated by his habit of casually springing surprises on her and expecting her to react with aplomb.
‘Owain ap Siorl. He’s half-Welsh, half-Norman. His father’s dead, his mother’s set to remarry, and he and his future step-father don’t like each other. Being as their lands are in my gift, I promised Lady Rohese I’d take Owain under my wing to train up. She’ll be bringing him to Ravenstow around Easter time. Settle him in if you will.’
Elene’s exasperation evaporated into empathy with the boy. She knew how it felt to be cast adrift in a strange household, even one that was warmly welcoming. ‘Of course I will.’
‘Henry can start showing him the basics now that he’s on the mend. It’ll stop him from brooding and perhaps even speed his recovery.’ Sweeping on his cloak which had been used to cushion their bodies from the ground, he eased to his feet. ‘We’d better be on our way home,’ he added without any great enthusiasm, his mind upon the hauberk that was being scoured at Woolcut ready for his use on the morrow.
Elene rose too and stood beside him, her lips at his shoulder. He slipped his arm around her waist, then pulled her round against him. She smelt of crushed grass and leaves, fresh and soft in his embrace. ‘Oh Nell!’ he said on a heartfelt sigh, and buried his face in her wild, black hair.
Judith drew her cloak close about her body to ward off the chill, fully aware that more than half of it came from within — from the space where part of her soul was missing. The warm lining of the cloak was made of wolf skins from animals hunted by Guyon and their sons in times long gone. The wolves were all human now, two- legged and padding on the heels of death.
She crossed the ward to the plesaunce, her intention being to pluck some overwintering sage to brew a herbal tea and to escape from the loving but overpowering vigilance of the other members of the household. Despite the cold wind, the sun was out and bright, bathing the soil beds in spring warmth. Against the southern wall, the pear cordons were in scented bloom and beneath them, still flowering, were the tiny white galanthus flowers that Renard had brought her from Outremer.
She went to the sage bushes. Ladybirds waddled in aimless industry among the leaves. Beyond, in the bay tree, sparrows fought over the best nesting sites. Judith picked a handful of medium-sized leaves and brushed them absently beneath her nose. Her gaze drifted to the rose arbour and turf seat there, empty and overgrown. The gardener had yet to shear it after the dormant winter season. She tried to imagine Guyon sitting there. Her eyes ached and began to water with staring. Wandering over to the seat she sat down, brushing her hand across the damp, slightly prickly blades. It was sheltered and sun-warmed, and through a pang of desolation she was aware of feeling oddly comforted.
She sat for a long time, lost in silence, and only came to with a small, guilty start when she saw Elene picking her way towards her between the herb beds. Judith regarded her daughter-in-law warily. In the first days of her loss when she had been weak and ill with the coughing fever and overcome with grief, the girl had taken over all responsibility and coped remarkably well, too well perhaps. Elene had proved herself a thoroughly capable chatelaine, and, as the new lady, it was her right. Judith had lost that power when Guyon died. They all treated her now as though she was made of fragile glass. Her every move was watched. She was cosseted and coddled as if all of her soul had died and not just a part of it.
Elene sat down beside Judith on the turf seat. ‘I thought you might be here,’ she said. ‘The sun’s gone in now and it will soon be dusk. Will you come within?’
‘No, I won’t!’ Judith snapped, feeling like a defiant small child. The sun had indeed disappeared while she sat lost in reverie and she was aware of the dampness from the seat invading her bones.
Elene folded her hands in her lap and stared at them in silence.
Judith sighed heavily. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, and then slapped her hand down on her knee. ‘I hate being treated like an invalid or a mad old woman. I know it is all kindly meant. Perhaps in the first days it was a welcome shield, but no longer. I swear I will become truly mad if I am not given leave to think for myself!’
The scent of bruised sage leaves hung in the air. ‘Have we really been that heedless?’ Elene asked in consternation.
Judith moved her shoulders. ‘No, not heedless,’ she said on a softer note. ‘Perhaps the change is in me. I need time alone now to grieve in peace. When I have need of company, be assured I will seek it out.’
Elene gave her a swift, sidelong long. ‘Do you want me to leave you here then?’
Judith’s lips twitched. ‘I have cut off my nose to spite my face,’ she said wryly. ‘I’m stiff and it’s growing cold, and that torchlight looks very welcoming.’ Carefully she eased herself to her feet.
‘I believe I am with child,’ Elene said abruptly as Judith shook out her skirts. ‘I missed my last flux and it is nigh that time of month again and there is no sign.’ She touched her breasts. ‘I am sore here and bigger than I was and I have begun to feel sick.’
‘Oh, that is welcome news indeed!’ Judith kissed her joyfully. ‘Does Renard know?’
Elene shook her head. ‘It was only the merest possibility before he left for the fens.’ She avoided Judith’s eyes, staring instead at a clump of couch grass near her feet.
Judith pursed her lips thoughtfully. Despite her grief and illness she had heard what had happened at the Christmas court, both the politics and the scandals. ‘Did you know about Olwen before Salisbury?’ she asked.
To a listening stranger it might have seemed a non sequitur, but Judith was shrewd, and to Elene, thinking along the same lines, the question was a perfectly obvious progression. ‘Yes, I knew,’ she said tightly. ‘I found out on my wedding night.’
Judith clicked her tongue sharply and raised her eyes heavenwards. ‘Guyon and I seem to have bred up idiots in place of sons!’
‘I made the first move,’ Elene defended. ‘I asked him.’ She raised her head and fixed Judith with a liquid hazel stare. ‘But it was like being slapped in the face. We quarrelled, or rather I was shrewish and he was so reasonable that I started to think it was all my fault. We mended our differences in Salisbury and despite that whore the seams have held, but …’ She splayed her hand over her stomach. ‘But sometimes I imagine him with her and I feel sick.’
Judith felt moisture filling and stinging in her own eyes. She knew the feelings if not the answer, for anger was a part of her own raw grief. ‘Guyon had a mistress before we were wed,’ she said, a quiver in her voice. ‘Heulwen’s mother. They had been lovers a long time. I cannot number the nights I tossed in torment — not because he continued to lie with her, but because sometimes I knew he was thinking of her and remembering.’ She laid her hand lightly on Elene’s shoulder. ‘You must see it as experience and use it to your advantage. A man always needs a place of safe harbour after the perils of a stormy sea.’
Each gave the other a wan, watery smile as they left the dusk-shrouded plesaunce and went inside to the great hall.
Chapter 17
