there was no final certainty.
Elene shivered and hugged her arms as her maids came from the antechamber in response to her summons. Renard might or might not be dead. He might or might not be a prisoner. The not knowing was destroying her. Leaving Judith at Ravenstow, she had come up the march to Caermoel to warn the garrison of possible attack by the Earl of Chester or his Welsh levies, and to hearten the men by her presence. Five days she had been here now. Five solitary, frightened days that were filled with the banging of masons’ hammers, the sawing of the carpenters, the slap of trowel upon mortar, and the rumbling of wain wheels as they delivered the supplies vital to a keep that might soon be under siege. ‘Madam?’ said the maid.
Elene folded her shaking hands in the sleeves of her bedrobe. ‘The blue gown,’ she said, making an effort. ‘Have some hot honey and wine ready for after mass.’
‘Yes, madam.’ The maid went to Elene’s clothing pole to find the requested gown. Another maid, yawning behind her hand, fed charcoal on to the brazier. Hugh woke up and began making his usual loud demands for sustenance.
Elene took her son and put him to her breast. She watched him as he suckled, his tiny fingers kneading her flesh and his jaws working steadily. Elene was overwhelmed by pangs of love and terror so fierce when she thought what might become of him that she began to weep softly. This impeded her flow of milk and Hugh sucked furiously for a moment, then released her nipple and howled his indignation to the world, which only made Elene cry harder.
In the end she had to give him to one of the maids who had her own baby and a surplus of milk in her breasts. The storm of tears left her exhausted and gave her a throbbing headache. Feeling ill with strain, she went to mass, lit candles and prayed for deliverance. The floor was cold and her mind remained a remote observer of all her actions, as though she moved in a dream.
On emerging from the chapel into the bailey, she was greeted by small, wind-floated feathers of snow. One of the guards on the wall walk, his voice full of excited alarm, cried out a warning of approaching troops.
Paralysed with terror Elene stood and stared up at the great, grey walls. Suddenly they seemed no protection at all. If she could have moved, she would have covered her ears with her hands and run to hide in the smallest, darkest recess that she could find.
William de Lorys, Renard’s companion in Antioch and now the constable of Caermoel, responsible for its defence, followed Elene from the chapel in time to hear the cry from the walls. ‘It’s too soon to be de Gernons,’ he re — assured her. ‘The whoreson will still be down in Gloucester persuading the Empress of his sincerity in the hope of being given Carlisle.’
Mind and body jolted back into awareness. ‘But she won’t give it to him,’ Elene said stiffly. ‘She’ll give him Caermoel instead.’
‘My lady, your cloak.’ Alys set Elene’s wool and marten mantle around her shoulders as de Lorys left them in order to mount the battlements and discover more.
Elene stroked the sleek fur trimming of the cloak and thought that something always had to die in order to gratify others. Alys was trying to usher her inside to warmth, muttering about the cold and the growing yellowish heavi — ness of the snow clouds.
‘Let me be,’ Elene snapped in a voice that would have better belonged to Judith, or even the termagant Empress herself. Shaking herself free of her maid’s solicitous arm, she followed de Lorys up to the battlements.
The wind snatched at her veil, whipped strands of hair free of her braids and stung her eyes as she tried to focus on the advancing troops below. Miniature men on mini — ature horses with pack ponies in tow. They did not hesitate at the ford, but splashed straight through it, heading for the steep pathway that wound its way around Caermoel crag and up to the twin baileys and keep that crowned its summit.
‘Not sufficient numbers for the enemy.’ De Lorys pursed his lips. ‘Looks like they’re coming straight up; seeking hospitality I would guess, or else they’re some of our own from Ravenstow or Ledworth. Pox take it, I can’t make out their shields.’ He scowled at the falling snow that was now obliterating their vision.
For a moment Elene slumped against the merlon, weak with relief. A shout drifted on the wind and guards in the outer ward suddenly began pulling back the heavy draw-bar that secured the gatehouse door. Elene turned and, standing on tiptoe, strained her eyes. Through a whirl of banking, shifting white, she saw that the leading horse was a black with white hind stockings. Its rider’s shield, momentarily glimpsed, was blazoned with a rampant black leopard upon a flame-coloured background.
‘It’s Renard!’ she shrieked. ‘God be praised, it’s Renard, he’s alive!’ Whirling round to de Lorys, her eyes feverishly ablaze, she kissed him hard on the cheek. He staggered, and then grinned his own delight and relief. Without waiting for him, Elene ran pell-mell down to the bailey, shouting at a loitering maid to run to the kitchens and warn the cook of extra mouths to feed. Another was ordered to see to the arranging of a bathtub in the bedchamber. The grooms and other servants were alerted.
Tense excitement shivered the air as the first horses trotted through the open gateway and emerged from the guarded passage into the ward. Elene watched Renard dismount. His cloak was scaled with snow, turning haddock-silver at the edges as it melted. It was agony crossing the bailey to him. She knew that she must not run among the destriers in case one kicked out, but all she wanted to do was fling herself upon him — hold and taste and know that he was solid and real, not some figment of her yearning imagination.
Renard spoke to one of his companions, then to the groom with an instruction about the horse, and thus did not turn until Elene had almost reached him. She stopped in her tracks as though hit by a crossbow quarrel, and gasped. The words of welcome stuck in her throat, for the picture she had carried in her mind’s eye for the past two months bore no resemblance to the man confronting her now. Renard’s face was gaunt, pared to the bone, and along one of those bones was a livid, half-healed scar. His mouth was a hard, narrow line, slightly down- turned, but he succeeded in giving her a bitter smile.
‘Commendable,’ he said. ‘My mother fainted.’
Elene swallowed, the words of welcome stuck in her throat. She was never good at dealing with him when he was like this. The more he hid behind defensive sarcasm, the more she floundered. ‘What happened?’
‘My barber’s careless,’ he snapped as he removed his helm and stuffed his gauntlets inside.
‘We thought … We did not know if you were …’ Elene stopped, unnerved by his blank grey stare. ‘Do you want to bathe?’
‘Do I what?’
Elene bit her lip, and instead of casting herself into his arms as she had first intended, she gathered her skirts and fled.
Renard stared after her and swore. He knew it was not fair to vent his temper on her just because she still looked all eager innocence when he had been through the pit of hell. ‘Welcome, my lord,’ said de Lorys with a touch of irony.
Renard responded by thrusting his helm into the knight’s hands. ‘Hold this,’ he said, and hastened in pursuit of his wife.
He caught up with her just beyond the gateway to the inner bailey, grasped her arm, turned her round and kissed her, hard.
‘Christ!’ he muttered, surfacing briefly. ‘Do I want to bathe indeed? I can think of better ways of drowning.’ He kissed her again.
The snow fell in a thick, white curtain. Elene clung to him, her fingers in his hair, her lips parted and starving. Despite the cold, her body felt as warm and pliant as sunlit willow. His embrace softened, but the core of urgency remained.
‘Let’s go within,’ he muttered against her ear, and then with an effort stood back and touched her cheek. ‘Nell,’ he said softly. ‘Jesu God … you don’t know …’ He broke off, his throat working. Taking her hand, he led her to the hall and through it to the adjoining bedchamber.
A steaming tub stood in the centre of the room. Renard eyed it speculatively.
‘Shall I get rid of it?’ Elene blushed, wishing she had never given orders for it to be prepared in the first place.
‘No, just the maids.’ He jerked his head.
Elene nodded at Alys and the other two women. They curtseyed and left, taking Hugh with them. Renard’s eyes dwelt briefly on the child, but for the moment, all his interest was centred on Elene and his need. He could
