given no ease to his mind.
'Ailith, I have to leave for a while,' he said, gently following the outline of her lips with his forefinger. 'There is a horse fair in Paris that I must attend, and other matters at Brize-sur-Risle that I cannot leave to Tancred.'
Her half-smile faded and her eyes opened to search his face. 'Other matters? Your wife and child, I suppose?'
'Don't look at me like that.' He shifted uncomfortably. 'I owe them my duty, you know that. And I have to make decisions about the horses — I'm not going for the sole purpose of seeing Arlette and Gisele. Christ knows, I would rather be with you.'
Ailith sat up and smoothed her rumpled garments. 'I know you must go to them,' she said with dignity, 'and that you must find horses to breed, to buy and to sell. It would be foolish of me to cling and weep, to beg you not to go. I only wish that you had had the wisdom to tell me on another occasion. First you take me in the grass like a stag in rut, then you announce that you are going to your wife. Or were you afraid that I would deny you once you had spoken?'
'Yes, I was.' He threw his arms around her, and although she averted her head, she did not shrug him off. 'All I could think of a moment ago was that I did not want to leave or lose you, but that I might do both. You looked so beautiful and I wanted you so much.'
Her manner softened and with a light sigh, she turned in his arms and laid her head on his chest to hear the steady thud, thud of his heart. 'When must you go?'
'As soon as I can find a galley to take me across the narrow sea.' He grimaced as if his mouth was full of sour wine. 'The sooner there, the sooner home to you.'
CHAPTER 28
At harvest time, Felice and Aubert escaped from London's heat and an outbreak of the spotted fever, and came to spend a month at Ulverton. Although Aubert had visited on several occasions, it was the first time that he had brought his wife and son. Ailith was both delighted and pensive as she greeted the family and made them welcome. Rolf was still across the narrow sea and she was filled with anxiety. What if he chose not to return? What if he sent Tancred in his stead? He had only been away for three months, but it seemed more like three years. She was in half a mind to confide her doubts and fears to Felice, but she held back, unsure as to how her friend would respond. But four days after their arrival, the decision was forced upon her.
She and Felice were walking by the shore, both women keeping a sharp eye upon Benedict as he skipped along the beach at the very edge of the waves. His pudgy baby fat was melting to reveal coltish, slender limbs. He had his mother's quickness and grace, her sparkling dark brown eyes and regular features. His impish grin, however, was all Aubert's.
'Aubert is never going to make a wine merchant of him.' Felice laughed indulgently as the little boy lifted a stone and threw it as far into the waves as he could. 'I might almost believe he were Rolf's the way he loves horses.'
Ailith tried to smile and respond naturally, but she knew that her attempt was poor. Her stomach felt like a cauldron full of boiling broth. The breeze off the sea did nothing to cool her hot brow.
'Still,' Felice added, her gaze upon her son, 'we have plans for him that will take him far beyond the wine trade.'
Ailith tried to look interested.
Felice eyed her sharply and halted. 'Ailith, what's wrong? Are you ill?'
'It is too hot.' Ailith swallowed valiantly. 'If I can just sit down in the shade of that rock for a moment, I'll feel better.'
Felice called Benedict to her side, and taking Ailith's arm, drew her up the beach to sit down. Ailith leaned against the cool, dark stone, her head thrown back and her breathing shallow while she fought her nausea. Felice eyed her critically. She knew that Ailith possessed the stamina of an ox and in the normal course of her life was seldom hampered by illness of any kind. A niggling suspicion at the back of her mind began to gain ground.
'Ailith, are you with child?'
Ailith swallowed again, and flickered a sideways glance at Felice. 'Is it so obvious?' she asked weakly.
'Only because you are never sick. I noticed this morning that you broke your fast on dry bread and ale, and there are shadows beneath your eyes as if you have not slept for a week. It must be Rolf's,' she added with certainty. 'I knew when I saw you both at Yuletide that it was only a matter of time before you became lovers.'
'It happened in February when he returned whole from the north.' She looked sidelong at her friend. 'I love him. Are you going to rail at me and call me foolish?'
Felice clucked her tongue. 'Where would be the point?' she said with some exasperation. 'I tried to warn you once before in London, and you almost bit my head off. I know how stubborn you are.' She shook her head slowly. 'I remember the way Rolf used to look at you when you were feeding Ben. He has desired you for a long time.' She was not so cruel is to add that from what she knew of Rolf, the hunt was frequently more important than the capture. Surely Ailith must have that intuition too. And who was to say that Rolf had not finally found what he was looking for? 'All I will say is that you must be careful. Do not give him everything, for I know that he will never return it to you.'
Ailith placed her hand upon her belly and her smile became wry. 'It is too late for that. And besides, in a way, I belong to him.'
Felice saw Ailith lightly touch a narrow pink scar on her left wrist. Often she did that when discussing Rolf. The action reminded Felice of the way other women fingered favourite pieces of jewellery, or the nuns at St Aethelburga's their crosses while they prayed.
'He is in Normandy now, with his wife,' Ailith murmured. 'It is very hard for me to think of him with her. I try not to be jealous. What does she have of him but brief visits of duty?' She looked up at Felice, a haunted expression in her eyes. 'When I was married to Goldwin, I knew that he was mine alone. Had it not been for the war between England and Normandy, we would have lived out quiet, companionable lives. Instead, I find myself tied to the tail of a comet. I have never been so happy, or so lonely and afraid at one and the same time.' She lifted Benedict onto her lap and cuddled him, seeking the comfort of his warm, small body.
Felice could think of no reassurances to offer to Ailith. Indeed, she was inclined to agree with her that she had tied herself to the tail of a comet. 'When is the child due?' she asked. 'Do you want me to be here for your lying in?'
'In February.' Ailith gave an ironic smile over the top of Benedict's glossy black hair. 'At the feast of the Virgin. And I would be more than pleased if you were there.'
'Of course I will!' Felice declared with more enthusiasm than she felt. Having almost died giving birth to Benedict, she had little desire to attend at a childbed. But she owed Ailith too much to refuse her.
The sea breeze was fresh and the galley frisked through the waves like a two-year-old colt, bucking exuberantly and leaping high.
Rolf watched the English shoreline approach. The first grey-blue smudge of sighting had yielded to striated gleams of marble cliff topped by green pasture. Gulls and cormorants wheeled above the vessel's striped sail. His heart was filled with anticipation like the bulging linen canvas. He was returning to Ailith, to the harbour of his heart. If he looked back, he would view only sea, the coast of Normandy was far beyond the horizon now.
He thought briefly of Arlette, of the tears in her eyes as she bade him Godspeed, Gisele clinging to her hand and obediently waving. Returning the gesture, he had felt relief and guilt. He was a visitor, bidding polite farewell to strangers whose hospitality he had shared on his road to a greater destination. Arlette was no fool, she knew that something had changed. At one point, it had been on the tip of Rolf's tongue to tell her about Ailith, but those wounded grey eyes had chained him to silence.
'Ah God,' he cursed softly to the salt-splashed deck.
A sound behind him caused Rolf to abandon his brooding and turn round. Tancred's son Mauger was retching over the galley's side, his face a suffering greenish-white.
'Won't be long until we make landfall,' Rolf said encouragingly.
