Long moments of awkward silence stretch out between us as we both sip at our chilled water. He’s bouncing his leg up and down so frantically that I’m afraid he’s going to break the stool. Maddy and I put them together so I can personally attest to their shoddiness.
Timidly, I place my hand on his vibrating leg to try to and calm him. It’s there – that
I’m the one who has been denying it, been pushing it away. Maybe it’s time to stop doing that and just see what happens.
Squeezing his knee gently stops the nervous shaking and forces his eyes to meet mine. “What is it that you need to explain, Bryan?”
When he places his hand on top of mine, my breath hitches. “Well, there’s a lot to explain, believe me, but first I need
Suddenly nervous, I pull my hand out from under his and stare, wide-eyed and shocked at him. “What do you need me to explain? My ex wasn’t just licking my ear!” I sound like a green-eyed monster, but in this moment, that’s exactly how I feel.
“You see, that’s what I don’t get. You’re clearly jealous of her.” Bryan arches an eyebrow at me as I open my mouth to protest his accusation – an accusation to which I refuse to confess. “Oh would you stop it already, Melanie?” His less than playful words catch me off guard and I keep my mouth closed. I want to hear what else has got him all riled up.
When he sees that I’m going to allow him to speak without any interruptions, he grins knowingly at me. “I’m going to ask you something, and even though I think I already know the answer, I need you to be honest with me. Okay?” His eyes search my face as he waits for me to answer him. When he stares at my lips for a brief moment, I lose all train of thought and speech becomes impossible.
I try my best to ignore the nervousness that I feel, but I can’t get any words to come out of my mouth. So instead of saying anything, I just nod at him. Running his fingers through his soft, medium-length, dark-brown hair, he pulls on the ends in what seems like a gesture of frustration. The act just makes his messy hair even messier.
And sexier, too.
Straightening his shoulders and grabbing mine in his strong hands, he forces me to look into his eyes. “Why are you fighting this?” He gestures between us and then reaches up to brush a strand of hair out of my eyes.
My mouth is dry. My pulse is racing. I can’t believe that he’s just called me out like this. When I don’t say anything, he steps away from me and starts pacing. “I just don’t get it, Melanie. I don’t understand why you don’t believe me. I’ve told you that I like you, that I want to get to know you better. I’ve done nothing but be patient with you and try to prove to you that I’m a decent guy. Hell, I’ve moved around my entire schedule, even changed a few classes that I didn’t need so that I could be at work while you’re there and you …”
“You did what?” My barely whispered question interrupts his more-than-a-little-upset ramblings.
He takes a deep breath and stops pacing. “What?” Shock settles in on his fine face as he realizes that he just shared something he intended to keep hidden.
“You changed your schedule so that you could spend more time with me? When? Why?” Now I’m really confused. You don’t change your classes, especially as a senior, just to spend more time with a girl.
He walks me over to the couch and we sit facing one another. Pulling my hands into his, his eyes soften and he grins a silly smile. “It was right after that first week. When I saw your schedule at the lab, I realized that I would only get to see you for one shift. So I changed things around and begged Simon to switch with me. You kept refusing to see me outside of class, so I did the only thing I could think of to make you see me.”
An involuntary chuckle passes my lips. “You have to admit you did come on pretty strong that first week, though.” Now it’s my turn to arch my eyebrow at him.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll admit that showing up to your suite to pick you up for work when you hadn’t even told me where you lived was a bit stalker-ish.” As timid as his words may be, his mega-watt smile fully conveys just how proud he is at trying to prove to me that he’s interested.
“Okay, so stalker-like tendencies aside, can you please explain to me what just happened with Courtney? I mean, if you don’t want to be with her,” he opens his mouth to start saying the same thing he’s tried explaining time and time again when it comes to Courtney, but I just talk through it. “If you don’t want to be with her, then what the hell was that ear-licking about?”
Frustration sets in hard on his face. “We’ve been over this so many times, Melanie. I do not want her!” His last few words are harshly emphasized as he glares at me. Clearly distraught by the turn in the conversation, Bryan rakes both of his hands through his hair and pulls hard on the ends. Lifting his face back to mine, I can tell he’s still pissed.
Hell, I can be angry too. “Don’t you dare look at me like that, Bryan! I’ve told you before, that I don’t like her, yet you think her walking up to you and licking you is perfectly fine!? Come to think of it, whenever I’m around you, she’s always there. What the hell! None of it makes sense. I still don’t …”
“What? Let me guess, you don’t know why I would want you when I could have ‘a girl like her.’” His words mock the insecurities that I’ve shared with him. Damn him for using them against me, for throwing them in my face.
“You’re being a dick! How dare you use that against me! Excuse me for being too stupid to understand why on Earth you want me when she’s skinnier and prettier than I’ll ever be.” Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I may be pissed that he’s using my own words against me, but I won’t let him see me be weak.
I don’t let anyone see
Frantically pacing the small living room, Bryan is practically pulling his hair out of his scalp. We don’t say anything for a few minutes. It’s “do or die” time. We’ve clearly reached an impasse and, honestly, I’m being too stubborn to move.
Just when I think he’s going to storm off and leave me alone to wallow in my own sadness, Bryan’s eyes lock with mine as he walks toward me. I can see that the fight has left his body and I’m sure that he’s just going to say goodbye. No one, especially not me, is worth this kind of frustration.
Bracing myself for the inevitable blow of his goodbye, I wrap my arms around myself and blink back more tears. I’m more than surprised when, rather than pushing me away and saying goodbye, he’s pulling me into a tight embrace and cooing into my ear. “Shh. It’s okay, Melanie.” The tender way that his fingers run through my hair calms me almost instantly. Pulling back from him and looking into his obviously concerned eyes, I decide that I finally need to expose my insecurities, at least some of them, especially if I ever have any hope of laying them to rest.
Breaking from his embrace and holding my arms to the side, I ask, almost sarcastically, “Are you sure this is what you want?” I drag my arms up and down my body, much like one of those supermodels on
Pulling me back into the safe circle of his arms, Bryan smiles at me and kisses my cheek tenderly. “You don’t get it, but I want you because you’re nothing like her. For what it’s worth, I think you’re beautiful, inside and out. And, not for nothing, Melanie, but you’re the one who is making this all about looks. Now, I’m not going to fall into the pit of insane girl logic, because I know that you’ll just use whatever I say to defend myself against me. So rather than
I try, but fail, miserably, to hide my shock. Show me? What the hell does that mean? All sorts of crazy visions from silly romantic comedies swarm in my head. Is he going to sweep me off my feet and make love to me?