his fingers up to his mouth to lick them clean. Embarrassed and unable to watch him do that, and unable to take his compliment, I just nuzzle into his chest and breathe in his scent.
Lips pressed to his chest, I kiss every inch that I can reach. He arches his neck and groans in pleasure. Raking my nails down his back once more, I pull him so that he covers me completely. With his hips resting in between mine, he’s nudging at my entrance.
“Is it my turn now?” I mumble my question in between our heated kisses, but I don’t wait for a response.
I roll so that he’s now underneath me and I’m straddling his hips. I let my lips dance across his smooth skin. Licking, tasting and indulging in the flavor that’s uniquely his. My tentative licks show just how unsure I feel about my skills, but when Bryan looks down at me and groans, I decide to let go of those uncertainties.
I close my eyes and revel in the feel of his cock passing over my tongue. Bryan sweeps the red veil of my hair out of the way. “Fuck … Melanie … your mouth is amazing. Oh God!”
The rumbling groans of his appreciation give me the courage to continue. Wrapping my small hand around the base, I stroke him mimicking the motion of my mouth.
His stomach tightens as does his grip on my hair. “I’m close, baby … so close.”
Those words make me pull back and reach for a condom in my bedside table. Once he’s covered, I lift my hips over his.
“Make love to me, please, Bryan,” I beg and he obliges.
Pushing up into me, he calls out, “Ahhh, Melanie. My God, you feel amazing.” In an instant and with what seems to be very little effort, he has me flipped over so that I’m underneath him.
I wrap my legs around his waist and grab at his taut ass, pulling him closer to me. His pace is instantly frantic. Hard, fast thrusts follow one another. I feel my orgasm building, cresting, almost ready to burst, but then my mind takes over. My infidelity is like an ice-bath numbing any feelings of pleasure. In a matter of minutes, he calls out my name one last time as his climax washes over him and mine vanishes completely. He tumbles to my side and wraps his arm around me.
We lie next to each other while our breathing returns to normal. He kisses my temple as he says, “That was amazing.” I just smile and nuzzle into his solid chest.
A few minutes later, he rolls over me, places a sweet kiss to my lips, gets out of the bed and walks into the adjoining bathroom.
Left alone with my thoughts for a moment while he takes care of whatever it is guys take care of after sex, I feel bile rising in my throat. What have I just done? I can tell myself that I didn’t want to hurt him when he was already hurting all I want, but that’s a load of crap. I didn’t tell him because I was too afraid to tell him. Guilt courses through my veins and sits heavily on my chest.
When he comes back in the room and I catch sight of his beautiful and still-naked body, I can’t take it any longer. Panic rises and I bolt out of bed. That horrible sickening feeling returns and the only way to get rid of it is to purge it away.
I sprint past him into the bathroom and slam the door shut behind me. He can’t see me like this – no one can. I hear his concerned voice through my heaving and retching. “Melanie, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
When the vomiting stops and the nausea recedes, I reply, “Yeah, I’m fine. Can you just hand me my clothes.”
He cracks open the door and brings me in my sweats and tank top. “Here you go.”
“Thanks, I’ll be out in a minute.” He nods and walks back out into my room.
I can’t stand to be naked in front of him like this. It’s like my cheating is written somewhere on my body and he’ll see it if I expose myself for too long. So I get dressed in the bathroom and brush my teeth once again. When I look at myself in the mirror, I’m disgusted at my own reflection.
The last few days have beaten the shit out of me. Between leaving Mom all alone, returning to school without Maddy, attacking Peyton, debating about what to tell Bryan, hearing what he had to tell me and then making love to him – it’s all too much. It had to go somewhere; I had to deal with it somehow. There was no keeping it down any longer.
But now, having thrown up, and gotten rid of some of the pain, I feel like I can at least face him again. When I step out of the bathroom, he’s sitting at my desk chair waiting for me with a bottle of water. “I thought you could use this.” I walk toward him and he pulls me down on to his lap.
The cool water soothes my burning throat, but does nothing for my tortured soul.
Bryan wraps his arms around my waist and nuzzles into my body. “You okay?”
I nod and dismiss his concerns. “Yeah, I’m fine. I probably just ate something funky. I’ll be okay.” A pathetically weak smile follows my words.
“I don’t have to leave if you’re not feeling well. I could stay, if you’d like, I mean.” He’s half offering and half asking. Part of me wonders if he’s offering to stay just because he doesn’t want to spend the night alone. This is probably the first time he’s had any kind of comfort since finding out about his parents. That thought alone, keeps me from pushing him away.
Because that’s what I want to do. I want to push him and everyone else away and curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. But I can’t. I won’t push him away if he needs me. Part of me hopes that if I can work past these feelings of guilt on my own, if I can convince myself and him that I’m the perfect girlfriend, then I won’t have to tell him just how far from perfect I really am.
That’s when a plan solidifies in my head. I’m not going to tell him. Ever. I can keep it hidden and do everything in my power to never let it out.
Strangely emboldened by my new plan, I say, “Nothing would make me happier than if you stayed.”
Falling asleep spooned in Bryan’s arms, I vow to wake up and be the perfect girlfriend that Bryan deserves despite being the person who deserves him the least.
It won’t be the first time that I’ve had to cover up the real me, to hide my true feelings, but it will be the most difficult by far.
8
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Past
“I freaking hate Halloween,” I grumble loudly as I stand in front of my full-length mirror.
Maddy pokes her head out of the bathroom door and laughs. “So then don’t think of it as Halloween. Just think of tonight as any other party except everyone’s playing dress-up.”
“Sure, easy enough for you and your cute little Tinkerbell costume. What is Reid going as anyway? Because I swear to God, if you tell me Peter Pan, I’m going to lose my shit!” Just thinking about her boyfriend wearing green spandex makes me laugh out loud.
Maddy comes out of the bathroom and holds her wings out in front of her. I help her loop her arms through them. “Thanks. And no, he is most definitely not going as Peter Pan. I don’t think he’s wearing a costume at all. I think it’s against some kind of guy code to get dressed up for Halloween.” She adds a thin layer of lip gloss and then puckers her lips. “Is Bryan dressing up?”
“No. Like you said, it’s against some kind of guy code, right? I’m just happy he decided to come. It’s not like he really knows any of you or the guys for that matter.” I know he’ll fit in just fine – he’s terrific and we’re great, but he’s only met Maddy once. I feel like tonight is a test of sorts, and of course, I have to go through this test while in some stupid costume of course.
Looking down at my outfit, I huff and say, “Yeah, but it’s like a requirement for girls to slut it up as best they can, right?” I arch an eyebrow and Maddy turns to the side as she eyes her costume in the mirror.
“You think I look slutty?” She sounds affronted, but I quickly take back my words. “No. No you look great, really you do. I just hate that every costume out there is just a ‘sexy’ version of what should be a normal costume. Why can’t I just go as a nurse? Why do I have to be a
“Melanie, I think you look adorable.” Maddy scans my costume. I chose to go as a black cat. I’m wearing black leggings, a cute cheerleader style black pleated skirt, a black long-sleeved billowy top, a headband with
