Promise

out at the water, avoiding his eyes.

'Ah. I think I'm onto something.' He sat up, too, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me against him. 'You've been hurt, I can tell, and I accept that as part of you.'

I blinked back the tears pooling in my eyes, refusing to let them fall. I dropped my head to my knees and whispered, 'You don't have to.'

'But I want to, Alexis. I hope one day I'll be the chink that cracks your shell and I'll know all of you. I won't push you, though. It's up to you. It just pains me to think of someone else getting in there.'

'And if you don't like what's in here?' I could hear the edge in my tone.

'Is that what you're afraid of? That I won't like you?'

I didn't answer, didn't even acknowledge the question.

'Ah, I see.' He leaned his head down, his lips against my ear, and whispered, 'It's a little too late for that.'

I turned to look at him and he shrugged.

'I already know the kind of person you are and that's all that matters to me. I have my own issues and yours can't be any worse. Trust me. Unless…' He pulled back and lifted an eyebrow. 'You're not really a guy in there, are you?'

I smiled. 'Not the last time I checked.'

'Because that would cross my line. Anything else…' He shrugged again. 'I can handle.'

He must have seen the doubt in my eyes.

'The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Lex. Please trust me.'

His eyes delved into mine, searching deep for something buried under layers of betrayal and pain. As I looked back into his beautiful eyes, I knew I didn't want to push him away. But what he asked for…I didn't know if I had it to give.

'The problem with trust,' I said slowly, deliberately, 'is you don't know it's broken until it is, when it's too late.'

'But you can't know you can trust me until you try,' he countered.

'Everyone I've ever trusted has betrayed me in a very big way, except Sophia.'

'And when will you realize I'm not everyone else?'

I already knew, at least to some extent. But just because he was different than most people didn't mean he could accept my differences.

'I don't know. I don't even really know you. You don't know me.'

His eyes sparkled a little brighter as he nodded. 'That's something we can change.'

My heart balanced on a fulcrum, teetering one way and then the other…. Which was better? Not sharing the real, whole me with him and enjoying this charade of a relationship, which would eventually end anyway because it was based on lies—his, mine and my mom's? Or giving my whole self to him and taking the chance he'd run from the freak show? And what if he did stay? Is that what I really wanted?

'I'm not asking for your deepest, darkest secrets. Just a little at a time, Lex. My goal will be to build your trust in me, one little piece at a time.' He lifted my chin with his thumb. 'Will you let me do that?'

I looked into his eyes and my heart stopped teetering and tumbled over. I hadn't realized it before, but I knew now. He'd already cracked my shell and eventually he'd make the whole thing crumble, leaving every bit of me exposed for his scrutiny. And I would let him and just have to deal with the consequences. I wanted to take the risk that came with trusting him, even knowing if he turned out to be like all the others, it would be the worst pain I'd ever experienced. He'd already settled too deeply into my heart. He'd snapped himself into place with each of those little clicks I'd felt over the past two months.

It went against everything I knew was for my own good, but I could feel a tugging deep down that I needed to do this. That it was right. We needed to dispose of the lies. If he was willing to do one piece at a time, I could handle that.

'Baby steps?' I whispered.

'That's what I'm talking about,' he said with a warm smile. 'So, you start. What do you want to know?'

A hundred-and-one questions flew through my mind. The most guarded answers, I was sure, had to do with the conversation between him and my mom, what he knew, how he knew, who he really was…. But those weren't baby steps and if I expected baby steps, I would give them, too.

'What do you do? I mean, when you're not with me or at school. Do you have a job?'

'Hmm…no, not really a job, but I have plenty to do. I do some, uh…consulting…and use that money to play the stock market. I've built up a decent portfolio that allows me to buy toys.' He grinned. 'It's all stuff I do at home, mostly. And I indulge in Aikido.'

'Eye—what?'

'Aikido. It's a form of martial arts. I use it to practice self-control.'

'Really?' I thought of the other day, when he threatened the wife-beater in the park. 'You have control issues? Never would have thought….'

'Ha ha,' he replied, matching my sarcasm. Then he kind of frowned. 'Actually, I had quite a bit of control the other day. I was angry, but I was fully aware of what I was doing. Otherwise, I might've just killed the lowlife.'

A chill ran up my spine. I knew he wouldn't have— couldn't have—killed the creep…I didn't think he had that in him. But, with his muscular build, he was fully capable of doing some serious damage.

'Your Aikido must be working, then. That's the only time I've seen you come close to being anything but calm and cool.'

'Hmm. Ironic. Because when I'm around you is when I need more control than ever…I really want to lose it with you.' The tone was heavy but a smile played on his lips. I didn't know what to make of it.

'But if it's practicing self-control, how is that an indulgence?'

'Because I spar and that's fun .' He grinned.

'Spar, as in fighting?' I asked, my stomach tightening.

'Yeah. You want to watch sometime?'

'Ugh. No, thanks, I'll pass.'

'So…,' he lowered his voice to its most irresistible, '…do I get to ask a question?'

I cringed. He lifted an eyebrow. I took a deep breath, let it out slowly and nodded.

'What do you do, besides school? You don't work at the store, so either you're mooching off Sophia or you're doing something else.'

Yikes. Getting personal already . Of all the things he could have asked, this was probably the safest—not about my past, my mom or any big secrets—but it was still uncomfortable. It was one thing for him to know I wanted to be an author. It was a whole different thing to admit I was actually doing it when it would likely be an epic failure.

But I had to play fair, so I forced myself to say it. 'Actually, both. I'm writing a novel. Sophia thinks it'll get published and she's paying my way so I can write and still go to college.'

'Wow. A novel, huh? That's impressive.'

'Yeah, well, don't get too impressed. It's not even done yet.'

'Can I read it?' he asked eagerly.

I thought of the childhood game, Mother May I, and felt like he asked to take one giant leap forward when he was only allowed baby steps. If I gave him my writing, I may as well give him my whole soul. I didn't let anyone read most of my writing, not even my mom. Her assertion of my talent was based on essays and short stories I'd written for school. Sharing the outline with her had been difficult. Letting go of the actual book would be a huge leap. I knew I'd have to take it eventually, but not yet.

'Hmm…baby steps, okay?' I answered.

He squeezed my hand. 'Of course.'

We both fell silent as the sun began its descent behind the water. Tristan wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me between his legs, my back against him. I drew my knees up and he curled his body around mine, his chin resting on my shoulder, his face right next to mine. His tangy-sweet breath made my head buzz pleasantly. He draped his arms around my shoulders and held my hands in each of his, entwining our fingers. That strange electric current flowed around and between us as we gazed out over the water, completely silent except