let them know of my pending arrival once she realized I’d headed to the Keys. With a push of a button, the hurricane shutters lifted and I went out to the balcony. I curled up in the chair Tristan always sat in, pretending I sat on his lap again, snuggling against his chest instead of the cushion. And I bawled.
It was a horrible, heart-wrenching day and night. But definitely not the worst of my life. In fact, I relished the agony because it made me remember. And remembering made me feel so close to him. I let the wounds open widely. I welcomed the pain when I saw the cracked headboard, a consequence of our heated passion. I embraced the burning throb as I stood at the shower door, reliving some of my favorite memories.
“Baby, I feel so close to you now. Please come to me.” I moaned myself to sleep, curled in a ball on our bed, my hand clutching the pendant as a lifeline. My old memory-dream played throughout the night and I savored every moment, knowing how important it was to hang on, even in my dreams.
The next day came slightly easier and I knew this was the right decision, coming here. After ignoring this place for so long, it gave me what I’d needed all along—real memories, a place he had been, where I could physically feel him and his love for me. The longer I stayed in our bed, the less the memories felt like an assault shattering my heart and more like a cozy blanket surrounding me with warmth. The reassuring sensation continued everywhere in the house and on the three-acre property as I worked my way around to each special place. I sat on the little beach for a long time, just gazing out over the water, remembering how we’d swam and snorkeled and skinny-dipped in the moonlight.
Later, Owen and I left for groceries and when we came back, I didn’t have to sob in the driveway. I had to admit it helped to have Owen here. His presence gave a sense of comfort, providing a link between the past and the present.
“Where do you go?” I asked him when we pulled in front of the house. When I wanted to leave, I just called his name outside and he was suddenly walking up the driveway. “I mean, when you’re not right here. You’re obviously somewhere nearby.”
He chuckled. “I’m around.”
“That’s not an answer.”
He shrugged. “It’s true. I just hang around, keeping an eye on the place.”
“Where do you sleep?”
“Where I feel like it…last night I slept on your balcony. I wanted to be close.”
“Really? I didn’t know….”
“Well, yeah, you’re not supposed to. I’m here at your beck and call. Otherwise, I’m supposed to keep my distance and just protect. But I’ve always been there, through everything, behind the scenes, protecting you… except when you were with…when I knew you were safe.”
I knew who he was about to say. He hadn’t needed to protect me when I was with the one person who could protect me better than anyone—my husband. Because he himself was the most dangerous creature on earth.
“You can stay in one of the bedrooms,” I offered.
His lips formed a small smile. His eyes mixed with kindness and empathy. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You came here to be alone, right?”
“Yeah, but…”
“Don’t worry about me, okay? This is my job. And, really, I love it. You’re a lot more interesting to protect than Rina or Sophia.”
I snorted. “Glad I keep you entertained. You probably heard all of my sleep talking and screaming.”
“Actually, not last night. You slept peacefully. Boring for me, but good for you.”
“Thanks, Owen,” I said quietly. “For protecting me. And for being a friend. If you need anything, like to use the shower or anything….”
“Yeah, I did.” He chuckled again.
I stared at him, my eyebrows raised.
“While you slept. Gotta clean up somewhere, don’t I? But it’s nice to have permission now. And you have fair warning, you know, in case you wake up.”
I imagined finding him unexpectedly in our shower. “You are using the second bathroom, right?”
“Yep…but that big shower of yours is sick.”
I narrowed my eyes. “It’s off limits.”
He threw his hands in the air. “Understood. I noticed you don’t even use it. Your soap and shampoo are in the other one.”
“Yeah, well…” I couldn’t tell him about the memories the shower held for me. “It’s just too big to get warm.”
“No need to explain yourself to me.”
He was too kind. “Thanks again, Owen.”
“See ya ’round. Holler if you need anything.” He disappeared.
I went inside and dealt with the memories again. Like this morning, it was easier, because I felt my love there with me. I didn’t want to admit feeling his presence meant I was getting worse, not better. Because I just didn’t feel like I was worsening. In fact, the anger and insanity seemed to be receding. Yeah, that’s a good sign I’ve fallen into the abyss. Or, I’d finally found my way out. I wasn’t sure which was right.
Chapter 6
“Are you sure you’re okay there?” Mom asked me when I checked in with a phone call before heading to bed.
“No!” I cried. I took a deep breath. “But I will be.”
“I don’t like you there alone, Alexis.”
“I need to be, Mom. I’m sure I’m fine. Besides, Owen’s been around.”
She ignored the as-if-you-didn’t-know-that tone to my voice. “How are you doing physically? Are you eating and sleeping?”
“No, not exactly.” I shrugged, though she couldn’t see it. “But I physically feel great.”
“Like what?” She almost sounded alarmed. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“I don’t know, just energetic, I guess. I feel like I need to move a lot.”
“Like your sudden interest in running?”
“Yeah, exactly. It’s exhilarating.”
“Anything else?”
I debated whether to tell her how the intensity of my senses seemed to have increased exponentially. I decided not to. It seemed weird, but not my normal freakiness. Weird as in…maniacal.
“No. Why?”
She kept silent for a moment. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” she finally said. “You’ve been under a lot of emotional stress and I’m sure your body is just reacting to it.”
“Finally in a good way, I guess. My pooch is almost gone.” I rubbed my hand over my stomach. It was much smaller already.
“Just take care of yourself, Alexis. And please tell me anything that’s going on. I need to know these things. I can help you through them, you know.”
“Sure, Mom. So how’s Dorian?” I got her to change the subject and heard all about their days without me. She handed Dorian the phone so he could tell me he loved and missed me.
Grief hit me again when I hung up and remembered I was still alone. The only other time I’d ever been alone overnight in my entire life was when Mom went out of town that one weekend…that one glorious weekend…when we became a couple. Remembering that extraordinary chapter of my life, I made my rounds to the special places in the house and let myself cry it out. I saw his face clearly as I dozed off.
Burning pain surged through my muscles and nerves, waking me up. I rolled and thrashed in the bed, not able to get comfortable, my muscles and joints tight and throbbing. I got up twice to take a pain reliever, but it
