another way for this…life, if that’s what you call it. I heard him fighting them, trying to get out, and I snuck behind him, nobody noticing me in all the ruckus. I followed him all the way as he flashed back to the States, but I knew I couldn’t go home. I was—am—a nasty, horrible beast. What would I do to my family if I lost control? I thought Seth, I mean, Tristan, might help me, if he knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to get close to him. He’s, um, kinda terrifying, you know?”
She explained how she continued following him, from Atlanta to Key West, always maintaining a safe distance. Then Vanessa and her friends found her. They were supposed to scare her into submission. I interrupted them the first time. Owen found her next to the Ferrari the second time, after they’d beaten her to near death. She described the pain and fear they inflicted on her, her words seeming to hang in the thick air, followed by a long silence.
“You are very new to this. Do you still remember what love is?” Mom finally asked.
An image of the African orphans flashed in Rina’s and my minds. Wide, white smiles against dark-skinned faces, emaciated with hunger. Their heads looked too large for their skin-and-bone frames. But they grinned at us nonetheless. And then other images of an older couple who must have been her parents and faces who were no doubt her siblings—the resemblance showed clear in her memory.
“She remembers,” Rina said.
“Good,” Mom said. “Remember that love, Sheree. Hold onto the memory tightly. Remember how love feels in your heart—warm, big, all-consuming.”
Sheree stiffened as Mom and Rina pushed stronger Amadis power into her. At least she didn’t seize this time.
“You can love again,” Mom said, nodding her head and stroking Sheree’s arm with one hand while holding her other hand around the Were’s wrist.
“Remember how it feels to hold them next to you, to comfort them, to provide for them in need,” Rina added silently.
“You can do this,” Mom encouraged.
She and Rina continued a sort of mantra, reminding Sheree of what love felt like. Eventually Sheree’s body relaxed and she seemed to succumb to their power.
I pulled my focus from them and back inside and looked up at Tristan. His head leaned back, on the top of the couch cushions, his eyes closed. He opened them slightly, apparently feeling me looking at him. He frowned. My own brows knitted together and my bottom lip pushed out.
“What?” I asked, uncomfortable with his expression.
His eyes opened wider as he examined my face for a long moment. Then he sighed and closed his eyes again.
“You saw my thoughts, my memories, didn’t you?” he finally asked, his voice quiet as a whisper. But I could still hear the pain and the shame in his question.
I dropped my head and leaned closer against him. I took his hand in both of mine.
“Yes,” I whispered with my own shame. “I’m sorry.”
He chuckled, but the sound fell flat with the lack of humor in it. “You’re sorry? You can’t help it. Especially with how intense everything was.”
“Then why do you sound angry?”
“I’m not angry at you. I’m frustrated with myself. I should have been able to handle the power, to control it.” He sighed again and his voice became even quieter. I could hear his disgust increase with each word—disgust with himself. “I never wanted you to know those things about me.”
My heart squeezed with his pain and self-reproach. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried to think of the right words to comfort him. I didn’t know what they were, though.
“I know you didn’t,” I finally said. “But you didn’t honestly think I had no clue, did you? I mean, after watching that battle…when you left…I saw some pretty horrible stuff then, Tristan. By both sides. I had an idea of what you were like and I’ve had years to imagine all kinds of things.”
“But it couldn’t have been as bad as reality.”
This time I chuckled with no humor. “I’m a writer. My imagination is pretty twisted.”
He didn’t reply. After a while, though, I felt him watching me. “And you still love me?”
I looked up at him with surprise. “Of course I do! What I saw doesn’t change who you are now.”
“It changes what you know about me. That must change what you think of me.”
I rolled onto my knees and his arms fell away from me. A cold shudder consumed me as soon as his warmth was released. But I had to look him in the eye so he would know what I said was not made up to make him feel better, but was the full, heartfelt truth. I placed both of my hands on the sides of his face and held it firmly.
“You know what else I saw tonight? She doesn’t know it, but through Sheree, I saw you in those caves. I saw your pain, your agony at being there. Your desperation of wanting to escape, to get away from them. I saw you fight them. You came back to me, Tristan. You came back to us, the Amadis. You yourself said earlier tonight that you’re Amadis now. Your memories…that’s your past life, remember?”
He closed his eyes, breaking their hold from mine. He opened his mouth to protest. I held my hand over it.
“Nothing can change the way I feel about you,” I continued. “I know there was a time when you were… were…,” I couldn’t say “evil,” not about him, “…one of them. But that’s in the past. You are Tristan Knight now. You are my sweet Tristan and nothing will change that. I love you forever. No matter what. Understand?”
His eyes opened and searched mine, as if trying to find something besides honesty.
“After all this time, if you can’t believe that…,” I started. But he didn’t let me finish. His hands embraced my face and his lips crushed against mine.
“I love you, too, ma lykita,” he said after pulling back. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”
“You’re forgiven.” I kissed him again. “At least…I forgive you. But, Tristan, somehow you need to find within you the ability to forgive yourself. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to completely let go of it all.”
His brows furrowed. “Easier said than done.”
“You’ve asked God for forgiveness, right?”
“Of course. It’s part of converting to Amadis…but He’s more merciful than I am.” He obviously had enough talk about his past, because he pressed his forehead against mine and changed the subject to one of his favorites—my well-being. “How do you feel?”
I turned and pressed against his side again. My mouth stretched into a wide yawn. “Tired. Really tired.”
“That’s understandable. It’s been a long day.” His hand stroked my hair. “You should sleep.”
“I want to, but I don’t think I can. Not until I know she’s okay.”
“That could be a while.” He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze. “You were great. So strong already.”
I snorted. “I almost killed us all…or we all almost killed each other…or something like that.”
“You held on for a long time, though. As long as you needed to.”
“Barely. If Mom and Rina hadn’t shown up…well, it’s a good thing they did. How did they get here so fast anyway? Is it possible to flash off a plane?”
He chuckled. “Yes, but I’m sure they flashed from New York. You fought it for a couple hours.”
My eyes opened wide. “A couple hours? It didn’t feel so long.”
“You were in an alternate state of mind. I think, by the end, we all were. I told you the process is draining.” He yawned, too, as if to emphasize his point.
“That’s not even the entire process. She’s not converted yet.”
“No. It takes a long time. First, you have to remove the evil energy and the pain is excruciating. Rina and Sophia are finishing it, but you started it. Next time you’ll be strong enough to finish it, too.”
I shook my head. “There won’t be a next time. I failed her and I’m never risking that again. I’ll leave it to Mom and Rina from now on.”
His arms around me released their tight hold. He lifted my chin with his fingers and caught my eyes with his. “This is what you’re made to do, ma lykita. Protecting and saving souls is your purpose for existence.”
His eyes held mine, conveying deep meaning to his words. He raised his eyebrows, as if questioning
