Wrath

whom I’d stabbed in the gut and left dead in a pool of his own blood. It was self defense—either him or me—but I’d never know if his soul had any hope. If it could have ever been saved. If I had damned him to Hell without giving him the chance he might have deserved. And when I woke up from those nightmares, I couldn’t help but wonder if God’s wrath had taken Dorian away from me.

Maybe God’s wrath would prevent us from ever finding him.

And maybe I deserved that.

But I hoped not. I had to believe that although God had his reason for this to happen, He didn’t intend to keep Dorian away from us permanently. I had to believe He didn’t want Dorian to become Daemoni. I had to have faith He was a forgiving God and would show us mercy.

Otherwise, what was the point to any of this? To us, the Amadis? Why fight for these souls if they wouldn’t be given mercy and forgiveness? There had to be a point to it all!

So I would hold on to my faith and beliefs. I would hold on to the hope that we would find Dorian. I would keep fighting for my son, until the end.

“We’ll keep trying,” Blossom said.

“Damn straight,” I said through clenched teeth before stomping off for the bathroom to clean the blood off my face and neck.

We did keep trying, but the trail had grown cold. We tried for days, then weeks. We knew we were close— the prods were so minutely to the east of us, we knew he had to be in the D.C. area, as Mom had sensed, probably here in Northern Virginia. We rode out under cloaks so I could mentally search, and every time we went after potential converts, I reached out with my mind, probing for the familiar mind signatures we sought. They continued to elude me, though, and the potential converts kept slipping through our fingers. The hope of Mom and Winston’s reunion and Jax and Blossom’s budding relationship had lifted all of our spirits, but our moods quickly spiraled downward.

“Here’s something to cheer you up,” Blossom said one afternoon as she placed a mug on the patio table in front of me, steam rising from its contents. My stomach lurched at the smell. “I’ve finally been able to gather all the herbs we’d lost in the plane crash.”

“This is supposed to cheer me up?” I asked, making a face at the atrocious smell of the fertility tea. It was a hot summer day, and sweat already trickled down my back in the humidity. The last thing I wanted was a steaming cup of gasoline-flavored nastiness.

“A baby would lift the spirits of the entire Amadis. Can you imagine what such good news would do for everyone?”

Yeah, actually, I could imagine it. Such news would incite the Council to insist on my return to the safety of the Amadis Island, which I wouldn’t do until we found Dorian. And that put me in a bit of a conundrum. I wanted a baby girl as much as everyone else, although maybe not for the same reasons. Drinking the tea and doing everything we could to become pregnant was the right thing to do. But what if I did conceive this very night? What if I became pregnant before we found Dorian?

Blossom noticed something was wrong—more than my problem with the taste. She sat down beside me and stroked a hand over my hair.

“What is it?” she asked.

Tears stung my eyes. I tapped my finger on my temple to give her warning then spoke via mind-talk.

If I get pregnant now, they’ll make me abandon the search.

“Ah.” She considered this for a moment. “We don’t know how long it’ll take. I don’t think the potion is a one-hit wonder. It takes several doses to prepare your body. Maybe by then, we’ll have found him. We are getting close. I can feel it.”

But what if we don’t? We have Tristan’s stone, so this could be the one last thing we need for me to conceive. It would be my luck to get pregnant right away, before we find Dorian.

“Well,” she said as she gave me a squeeze, “it’s not like you’ll show right away. Nobody will have to know. I can keep a secret. Can you?”

I sighed. Mom will know.

“Not if you’re not around her, and I think she’s pretty tied up with other things right now. She doesn’t even have to know I’ve found all the herbs. Nobody has to know you’re drinking the tea yet.”

I knew the ploy wouldn’t last for long. At some point, Tristan and Vanessa and eventually the Weres, too, would be able to hear a heartbeat. But my conscience wouldn’t allow me to not drink the tea and do what I needed to do for the next daughter. If I became pregnant and the news spread to the Council before we found Dorian, I’d have to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. But for now, that remained a fear unrealized.

I lifted the mug to my lips, grimaced as the gasoline smell engulfed me, and then chugged the entire contents. I clamped my mouth shut tight until I knew it would stay in my stomach.

“Let’s hope it works,” I muttered half-heartedly.

“Yes. But maybe not right away,” Blossom said with a small smile as she picked up the mug and went back inside.

I sat on the deck of the safe house, studying the beautifully landscaped lawn and the woods beyond. If I hadn’t witnessed the battle myself, I’d never know this scene hadn’t always been so peaceful. This was the exact lawn where Tristan had gone out to fight, leaving me behind, not to return for seven years.

My mood deteriorated more.

And the sudden urge to run overcame me. I didn’t know if the tea had begun to do anything to prime my ovaries, but it certainly gave me a big burst of energy. A workout would help expend some of the built-up tension, too, which I desperately needed. I hurried inside and found a sports bra, running shorts, and shoes in the wardrobe of our suite. I loved having mages on staff who could anticipate our every need.

“I was just coming to find you,” Tristan said when I ran into him in the foyer. His gaze traveled up and down my body, and he gave me a sexy smile. “You want to work out?”

“Yeah, but not Aikido. I’m going for a run.”

He nodded. “I’ll go with you.”

“Um, actually, I’d rather go alone.” I needed some time by myself. We were always together, and usually not only the two of us, except in bed, which hadn’t been the most pleasant of places between the nightmares and the lack of mental privacy. Tristan grimaced. “I won’t leave the safe house property, so I’ll stay in the shield.”

His eyes narrowed, but he gave me a small nod. “Take Sasha, at least.”

“Good idea,” I said, and I propped up on my toes to give him a kiss. His lack of enthusiasm in returning it made me feel bad. Did he feel rejected? I quickly explained, “Her mind is completely silent to me. I need to get away from all the buzzing in everyone’s heads for once.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid,” he said, and it sounded like a grumble more than a warning. Then he walked off without a word or another kiss or the smallest of touches.

I began to second-guess myself, but once Sasha and I were outside and far enough from the safe house, I was glad I hadn’t changed my mind. Of course, I couldn’t move completely out of my mental range—I’d have to leave the protection of the shield to do so—but far enough that I didn’t hear the hum of nearby thoughts. If I wanted to, I could pick out mind signatures and listen, but I didn’t want to. I relished the silence.

Sasha and I made a lap near the perimeter of the twenty-acre property, but it hadn’t been enough to expend the energy I felt. She’d grown to the size of a German shepherd to easily keep up with me, and we made another round. When we reached the back of the property, a few yards in the woods, movement farther in the trees caught my eye. A blur too fast for me to see, but my mind caught the familiar signature.

Sasha sensed the danger, too, and became the size of a horse next to me. Her pearly white wings spread above her nearly two stories high. Her white snout wrinkled as she growled ferociously. Her wings beat a violent rhythm against the air, stirring up leaves from the ground in a near tornadic wind. I’d never seen her so angry. So frightening. She let out a tiger’s roar, and then she sprinted into the woods.

“Sasha!” I yelled, and I ran after her, while mentally calling for Tristan and the others. Victor’s nearby, and Sasha chased after him.

“Let her go, Lex,” Tristan said a moment before appearing next to me.

But the loud crack of branches breaking and other sounds of fighting wouldn’t allow me to let it go. Vanessa