Fracture

‘No you’re not.’ With his hands resting on his narrow hips, he studied her as if he was seeing her for the first time. ‘Maybe you don’t know it but it’s obvious to me. You’re not one of us any more. You’re one of them.’

Remembering how he’d looked at her then, Allie shivered and pulled the robe more tightly around her.

With a sigh, she pushed open the door to the girls’ bathroom. It was blessedly empty at this hour. In a pure white shower cubicle, she turned the hot water up until the temperature teetered on the brink of painful and let it flood over her, washing away the grime of the last twenty-four hours.

She ran the soap across her skin, noticing the changes the car accident had made to her body – the scars were slick bumps beneath her fingertips.

Each one was a reminder of what she still had to do.

Something Dr Cartwright had said to her in one of their meetings nagged at her. ‘It is OK,’ he’d said, ‘for you to be alive even if Jo isn’t.’

She hadn’t believed him at the time.

But maybe he was right, she thought now. Because I have to be alive to kill Gabe.

Back in her bedroom, she wrestled a comb through her tangled hair and dabbed on foundation. But even when she’d done it, dark shadows still underlined her grey eyes; her skin looked sallow.

Flinging open the wardrobe, she surveyed the row of dark blue options in front of her. The choice of what to wear at Cimmeria was rarely complicated. Dark tights and a short pleated skirt went on first. Then a crisp, white, button-down blouse topped by a blue blazer. A pair of sensible, school-issued shoes and she was fully disguised as a Cimmeria student.

She glanced at her watch – it was nearly dinner-time.

Now, she thought with grim determination, let the atoning begin.

As she hurried down the stairs, the low roar of conversation and laughter emanating from the crowded dining hall grew gradually louder. The happy buzz felt alien and for a long moment she stood outside, unable to make herself go in. She’d been skipping dinners for weeks.

But in her office today Isabelle had made it clear that was no longer an option. She had to be in the dining room on time for every meal from now on, as The Rules required.

That was just one of many things Allie had agreed to do. Because once she’d agreed to stay, Isabelle had read her the riot act.

Allie would attend all classes and make up for all the work she’d missed so far this term. She would maintain perfect grades.

And she’d rejoin Night School.

The last requirement was the one that frightened her – the one that twisted her stomach into knots.

She knew it would be irrational to refuse – she had to be in Night School to train, to learn, to find out the truth about what was happening. It was the heart of Cimmeria, and she had to be there. But the idea of doing that again – of slipping into that world – scared the hell out of her.

But what was the point of telling Isabelle that? She knew it already. And she didn’t care.

When she hadn’t agreed immediately, Isabelle had fixed her with a cold gaze.

‘Participation in Night School is a requirement for your continued attendance at Cimmeria. So you need to make up your mind now, Allie. Do you want to stay at Cimmeria Academy? Or not?’

Defeated, Allie had nodded her acquiescence. She did want to stay. She wanted her revenge. She would do anything for it.

And if she could rejoin Night School, then she could walk through that door now, into the dining hall. And eat supper.

Setting her jaw, she marched resolutely through the door just as Zelazny began to shut it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him shoot her a strange look but she didn’t slow down until she reached an empty seat at her old table and slid into it.

At the table, all conversation stopped.

Cringing at the silence, Allie forced herself to look around the table; here were all the people she’d been avoiding or ignoring for weeks – all the people she loved.

Isabelle had raked her over the coals for how she’d treated them. Looking at them now, her words rang in Allie’s ears.

‘I know you’ve been through a lot over the last few months, but your reaction to Jo’s death was to strike out at the people who love you most,’ she’d said. ‘You hurt those people very badly. You never seemed to realise this fact: they were grieving, too. You’ve been cold to Rachel for weeks, so she’s gone through this painful time alone. And you’ve virtually ignored Zoe. She thinks of you as a big sister. She needed you but you were too self-absorbed to be there for her.’

Across the table from her, Carter sat next to Jules. Each time she saw them together, a tiny shard of ice seemed to lodge deeper in her chest, but Carter had always been her friend and she didn’t want to lose him.

If that meant being nice to Jules then… fine.

Next to them, Zoe looked very small as she scanned the faces around her with quick, puzzled eyes. Rachel kept her gaze lowered, as if she couldn’t bear to see what had become of Allie. Next to her, Lucas gripped her hand tightly.

She got the feeling they were all waiting for something to happen. Maybe they expected her to act crazy. Run away. Shout at them.

She cleared her throat. ‘Look, everyone. I want to say something. I know I’ve been messed up and I want to tell you all I’m sorry. I think I needed time to go… I don’t know… a little crazy for a while. And I know you all know I ran away yesterday but I want you to know that I wasn’t running away from you…’ She paused. Was that the truth? She didn’t know any more. ‘But now I’m trying to get myself together. I wasn’t really trying…’ Flitting around the table, her gaze rested for a moment on Carter’s face. His dark eyes avoided hers. ‘I know I’ve been selfish and scary and I just hope’ – she looked at Rachel helplessly – ‘that you can forgive me. And help me… get better.’

A brief stunned pause was followed by a rush as everybody spoke at once.

‘Of course we can…’

‘Don’t even think…’

‘Anybody would have…’

They were all kind but when the conversation veered away from the uncomfortable reality of Allie’s breakdown and wandered to the safer territory of her escape, she was relieved.

‘How did you do it?’ Lucas asked, with real interest in his eyes. ‘They say you climbed over the fence.’

‘No way,’ Allie scoffed. ‘That’s impossible. For me anyway. That thing is huge.’

‘Did someone help you?’ Jules asked, her voice cautious.

Thinking of Mark, Allie paused. ‘Not exactly…’

‘What are they doing to you?’ For Allie, Carter’s voice made all other sound stop and her eyes flashed up to meet his. ‘What kind of punishment?’

‘Loads of homework. Garden detention for the rest of my life.’ She faked an insouciant shrug. ‘The usual.’

The look on his face told her he knew there was more to it than that. But she couldn’t tell them everything. She couldn’t say what Lucinda had promised her. Not now anyway.

At that moment, the kitchen doors opened and staff poured out in rows of two into the room, steam rising from the platters they carried. As Allie watched the waiters enter in their crisp black uniforms, her gaze fell upon Sylvain, watching her intently, knowingly. His eyes as bright and cold as chips of glacier ice.

SEVEN

The next day Allie went to all her classes for the first time in weeks.