making me want to laugh too just to feel that same carefree joy. I smiled and looked back toward the jerks table only to lock gazes with him. He was glaring at me, looking pointedly between me and Gabe.
My smile fell. I raised an eyebrow at him and gestured to the girl still sitting beside him. His glare fell as his face became an unemotional mask. He shrugged and turned his attention back to his table.
“What was that about?” Gabe asked, looking over at the jerks table.
I sighed and relaxed into the chair. “Honestly, I have no idea. I don't know what's going on with him.”
“How long have you known him?” There was a slight edge to his voice.
I laughed and punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey, none of that. I don't know why you guys hate each other so much. But to answer your question, I've ran into him once.”
“That's all? And why do you think we hate each other?”
“Yeah, that’s all. Besides, I don't even know his name. And to answer your question you guys look like you're going to attack each other at any given moment.” I shrugged and looked at Gabe expectantly.
“What?”
“Are you going to tell me why you two hate each other and what his name is?”
He sent a glare over at the jerk which was happily returned. “His name's Andrei, and we don't hate each other exactly. It's more like were from different fractions.”
“Um, okay, can you please speak English instead of Modern Warfare?”
He laughed and lightly traced the dimple in my cheek. “You're cute when you're being all dorky, you know that?”
I blushed as I swatted his hand away. “Well isn't that the sweetest thing I've ever heard? Spill it, Gabe.”
“Okay, so you're going to be going to Shiloh High, right?” he looked almost hopeful.
“Yeah, I'll be a senior. Why?”
“Well, those kids over there,” he said with a nod toward Andrei's table, “are the private school kids. All rich, all spoiled, all of them thinking their better than us. They only come down to mingle with us 'common folk' on the weekends and on school breaks, which is why I personally don't like them. Plus, they're just weird.”
“Weird? Weird how?”
“I don't know, they just give off this vibe. Like there's something more to them, something buried in them that no one can see.” He laughed the subject off. “Stupid, I know.”
My face paled as I looked over to the table where Andrei and all the others were getting ready to leave. As I caught his gaze, he looked at me, a question burning in his eyes. This is why I could never tell anyone. The scorn that would be shown to me would more than likely surpass those shown between the schools rivalry. “No, it's not stupid. I know what you mean.”
I didn't think I could take another look of horror from someone else. With one last look at Andrei, I turned back to Gabe. He was watching me silently. It was kind of creepy. I rose and pushed the chair back under the table. “Well, I've got to get back to work. I'll see you later.” I hoped not.
“Definitely.” Damn it.
Chapter Seventeen
I waved goodbye to everyone as my shift finally came to an end. I paused as I stepped out into the late afternoon sun, closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth of the sun's rays.
I sighed as I stretched out my aching muscles. It was one hell of a day and it wasn't over yet. I got into my car and slumped forward, banging my head against the steering wheel. “This is just fabulous. All I want to do is go home, take a shower, and pass the hell out.”
I drove to the therapist office and stormed through the doors, heading straight to the back where James sat behind his desk. The sputtering of the receptionist was cut off as I slammed the door behind me.
James jumped, obviously startled. I sank into my chair and sent a pointed look his way. “Look, can we just hurry up and start without the normal lead in’s? I'm exhausted and all I want to do is go to bed.”
“Okay. You seem more on edge today.”
“No, I'm not on edge, I'm worn the fuck out.” I snapped, the darkness returning with a vengeance. I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself. I'm in control… I can deal with this. The breathing didn't seem to be helping much anymore, but I clung to it. I hoped that it would offer some type of relief from the building darkness.
“Okay, you're worn out. Got it.”
I shook my head. “Look, if I just finish talking about what Becca was doing, can I leave early.”
He thought it over for a moment then nodded his head. “Sure, we could do that.”
I closed my eyes and threw myself back into the past, not prepared for all the emotions that came with it. “So she started out destroying my reputation, going around saying that I wasn't the 'good' girl that I claimed to be. I quickly became known as anorexic. The only reasons I was in advanced classes was because I was fucking all the teachers, the females included.”
“It didn't bother me at first because I didn't really care about any of her so-called friends. I didn't know them, and they didn't know me, so why should their beliefs bother me? But then, people who were my friends started getting messed with. By simply being my friend they were getting hurt in the crossfire.”
“How so?”
“It started out small, some of the rumors that were going around about me started to spread to them too. At first, they were adamant in protecting me, standing up for me when everyone else were turning away. But then, they slowly started to walk away too. One of the worst things that happened was one of my ex-boyfriend’s had his car set on fire just because he dated me—” I breathed deeply again. The rising anger was fighting against me, trying to lash out as all the pain came back with the emotions. I thought I had all the feelings locked away for good, that I was free of them. I was an idiot.
“How old were you?”
“I had just turned seventeen when they all abandoned me. I was left with no friends, no one to talk to, laugh with, or go out with. My parents started getting worried, sending me to different therapists trying to 'fix' what was wrong with me.”
“What do you mean by fix?”
I looked over at him. “They thought I did something to cause the break with everyone. Sure, at first they believed me and stood by my side. However, when everyone turned on me, they became swayed by the vote of the masses. I couldn't blame them, really. After all, when there's so many people telling you with conviction that the sky isn't blue, it’s orange, even though you
“You're telling me you honestly didn't blame them?” he sounded doubtful.
“No, I didn't blame them, but that doesn't mean that I never hated or resented them for it.”
“Good point.”
“So, the therapists didn't know what to do with me. My rising anger didn't help anything or sway any more people my way. They started putting me on anti-depressants, thinking I was manic-depressive.”
“I take it that didn't work?”
“If by 'worked' you mean making me completely emotionally void, then yeah, it worked perfectly. I was like a walking zombie. The most messed up thing about it all is that I remember everything during those days. I remember everything people said and did, and I would just sit there, outwardly not caring. It was like I was locked inside myself, and no matter how much I fought, I couldn't break out.” I stared up at the ceiling, ignoring the tears streaming down my face. I curled into myself, folding so I could lay in the chair.
“What happened, Star? What got you to this point?”
“That's the whole thing, I don't know how any of it happened.”
“What was the final break?”
I looked him squarely in the eyes, my voice completely void of the tornadic waves of emotions rolling
