I sat in stunned disbelief, reading over and over those haunting words. My breathing increased with my rising panic. I had read the book. I had memorized passages, knew segments as well as if I had written it myself, but I still didn't understand. I didn't want this. I just wanted it to go away. My mind kept screaming at me that it wasn't real, that I was just bi-polar like the doctors kept telling me. Maybe it was just a figment of my overactive imagination. But still, through all the doubts, the insanity of my situation, my heart knew the truth. As crazy as it was, I was the key. The book fell lifelessly from my fingertips. I ran my hands through my hair, gripping it in my fists as I started to subconsciously shake my head in denial.
“This isn't real, this isn't happening.” Maybe if I told myself enough, it would come true. A sob caught in my throat, burning in its intensity. I looked around frantically, searching for anything, anyone that could help. The darkness was mocking me, sending its waves of electricity painfully across my skin. I felt full of it. My skin felt tight, like the evil that was within me was stretching me beyond my limits. Faster and faster I turned, looking for an escape. There was no escaping what was haunting my mind, tormenting me.
A pounding seemed to thump through my mind. My head snapped up as I realized it wasn’t coming from within me, but from the door to the patio.
I stumbled toward it, hoping that whoever was there would help me. End me. At this point, I didn’t care. I almost wished my end would come and would release me from this madness.
I fell against the door and fumbled with the knob. I didn't care who would see me. A bitter wind cut through the room as it opened, quickly followed by the shadow of a man. Of Andrei.
He grabbed me roughly by the shoulders, the gold flecks in his eyes starting to grow, morph. “Where's the amulet!” He shouted into my face.
I was shaking uncontrollably, his grip the only thing holding me up. “I— It came off— Gabe— a fight. It's me.”
The coldness in his face started to change. The heat that I had loved to see was slowly breaking through. Tears streamed down my face. I let them fall. I couldn't stop them. I couldn't stop anything.
He eased down onto the floor, pulling me across his lap, embracing me, and protecting me. I looked up into his eyes, captured. They anchored me. Kept me safe. “Why?” I whispered.
He closed his eyes tightly. “Why what? You weren't supposed to take it off Star. I— I don't know what to do now.” The agony in his voice made my tears fall faster. Still, I had to know.
“Why did you change?” My teeth started chattering. It hurt. Everything hurt.
“I saw it. I was there, at the graveyard.”
“I— I don't understand.” My eyes pleaded with him. I didn't have anything to hold onto, anything to believe in anymore. I closed my eyes as my body began to weaken. The storm continued to rage, beating its fury against the house. The rattling windows seemed to create some unbreakable melody, lulling me further into the darkness.
“Star! You need to open your eyes! You have to stay with me!” he shook my shoulders. They lolled limply against his legs, my head rocked back. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to see his face change yet again.
“It’s not real. It’s not real.” I murmured. My voice was soft, scared. A torrent of pain ripped through my soul. My eyes flew open as a scream tore out of my throat. Burning it.
He held me tighter to him. My mind clung to the thought of him as my soul began to shred. To separate.
“My Goddess,” he whispered as he looked deeply into my eyes. The pain in them almost sent me over the edge, tumbling into the never ending abyss.
My breathing became faster. I couldn't feel the energy anymore. It was too far out. The pictures on my wall began to tremble to the sound of the continuous thunder. They fell to the floor. The shattering glass adding to the melody of the madness outside, and the madness within me.
My vision began to narrow, blackness forming around the edges. I knew at that moment that I was going to die. My body couldn't handle this much darkness and this much evil. I couldn't process anything. Questions kept flowing through the waves of pain. Faces began to appear in my vision. Grotesque faces foreshadowing the worst horror, hauntingly beautiful faces showing the purest of light. My mind flashed onto the journal. It talked about a light. I wanted that light. Maybe in death I'd have it.
The door flew open, shattering my barely held control. Ms. Beckingdale stood in the doorway along with my mother. With one look at me, Ms. Beckingdale quickly moved forward, mumbling under her breath. I didn't understand what she was saying. Could barely hear over the howling of the wind through the open doors. Like the baying of a thousand hounds, the sound increased. Threatening me, deafening me. Mom stood frozen, her eyes wide with an unknown horror. Why were they here? Why were they together? The questions drifted away as another bout of pain came. I felt like my skin was being burned off, revealing nothing but charred remains underneath.
Ms. Beckingdale grabbed me roughly by my arms and hauled me to my feet, knocking Andrei out of the way in the process. I looked helplessly at him, begging for him. He stood there, rooted to the floor, fury flushing his face.
“You can't do this!” The harshness of his words cut through me. I knew that he hated me now, even if the reason was unclear, but I didn't know why he was yelling at me.
Ms. Beckingdale stopped in mid chant and sent an irritated look his way. “I have to! If I don't stop her, she will destroy everything! You know this! She will die!” My eyes flashed between them. A feeling of dread spread through my already shaking limbs. It was hard to focus on what they were saying when the pain was consuming me. The darkness was calling to me.
Andrei held my gaze for a moment longer, then moved closer to me, and placed his hands against my cheeks. His hot hands felt like they were branding through me. My body was so cold. I flinched and wished I hadn't as a look of hurt flashed across his face.
“Star, I need you to calm down. Samantha's here to help you.” Though his voice was soothing, his eyes held a different story. He was barely holding onto his own control.
“What's happening to me?” My voice sounded small, frail. I didn't care because that's exactly how I felt. Mom moved forward, reaching out to me. When my eyes locked onto hers, she froze again. She couldn't see this. She'd know. She needed to leave. My jumbled thoughts bounced around, becoming distorted.
They stopped as Andrei kissed me lightly on the forehead. Ms. Beckingdale, Samantha, started her mumbling again. My eyes shut tightly as I held onto the sensation of his lips warming me. I focused on that warmth as the pressure in me increased, bringing more pain. The storm raged harder, and seemed threatened by whatever she was trying to do.
“Goddess help us.” She mumbled. “Eleanor, I need you. Now!” There was nothing but the sounds of the storm, the feeling of Andrei's lips. “She will die! Do you hear me? Her soul is already starting to shatter! The power is too much for her in this state! You need to help me or
The sound of chanting voices became louder. Beating down on me and tightening around me. I tried to escape the sound, to fall back into the nothingness that started to consume me, but it wouldn't have that. It felt like claws had been dug deeply beneath my flesh, pulling me, yanking me toward something. The pain increased until I felt like at any moment it would end. You couldn't feel that much and survive it.
Suddenly, the pressure started to ease. A light seemed to come from somewhere, weakly pressing into the darkness. I focused on it, confused as to why it would be there. There was never a light within the darkness. Never any good within the evil. It drew closer to me with the increasing volume of the chanting. The storm outside started to die down, fighting to stay alive. As the light grew stronger, I felt myself start to return. Start to break through. I could almost see it. The perfect balance of the light within the darkness. Two halves of a whole.
I felt the pressure within me leave. I opened my eyes, and looked into the steady gaze of Ms. Beckingdale and that of my mother’s. Their eyes seemed to glow in the fading light as the darkness and the storm finally lost its intensity. My body began to relax as the shaking eased, leaving me exhausted.
She released me, and I fell gracelessly to the floor. I was gasping heavily for breath as I tried to sit up, but my arms wouldn't cooperate.
