After Eden

‘Why?’

He rolled his eyes and picked some more letters from the bag. ‘Expectations always exceed outcomes. I don’t want to celebrate my birthday by being disappointed.’

‘Maybe you could try not having any expectations.’

‘Maybe you could try that. Like, don’t expect Connor to have a party on his birthday.’ He took his turn on the board. ‘Anyway, you’re just looking for an opportunity to hook up with Westland.’

‘Two days ago you apologised for being out of order about Ryan. Don’t start again.’

He looked at me. ‘You really like him, don’t you?’

‘Yes, I like him.’ I moved my tiles around, searching for inspiration. ‘Please let’s do something for your birthday. Don’t be stubborn. It doesn’t have to be a party.’

Connor grabbed the bag of tiles. ‘I’d quite like to go to Plymouth. I s’pose you guys could come along.’

‘That would be perfect,’ I said. ‘Amy and Megan have been talking about going to Plymouth to buy our dresses for the ball. We could spend the day there and then maybe all have dinner somewhere. You choose a restaurant and I’ll make reservations for us.’

A smile appeared briefly on Connor’s face. ‘Fine. Plymouth on Saturday.’ He sighed. ‘You can invite Westland if you like.’

I let Connor beat me. It was part of the plan I’d made with Ryan. Then we were to head to the arcade, where we would run into Ryan, who would let Connor beat him at pool. One thing I knew about Connor was that winning at something never failed to put him in a good mood.

Connor yawned and packed away the game. ‘What time are we meeting the others?’

‘Half two.’

He checked the clock on the wall above his desk. It was almost two o’clock.

‘I think I’ve had enough studying for today,’ he said. ‘Shall we head down there and have a warm-up game of pool?’

‘I’m rubbish at pool.’

‘I know,’ he smiled. ‘And Matt always kicks my ass. So let me play you for a couple of games first to boost my ego.’

‘When you put it like that, how can I refuse?’ I said, with a smile.

Everything was going to plan.

The sky was overcast and the wind brutally cold. Definitely not a beach day. There were a few determined people wrapped up in thick jumpers on the harbour beach, but most of the Easter break tourists were ambling along the seafront road, window-shopping, eating chips and pasties and looking slightly bewildered by the sudden change in climate. The arcade was bustling. At the front of the arcade were life-size models of people who sprayed water at you or moved if you hit the target with your rifle. Further back were pinball machines and video games. I followed Connor through the throngs of teenagers hanging round the front of the arcade, towards the room at the back with the pool tables and the bowling alley. It was darker back there, and sweatier. Smoking had been banned a few years earlier, but the lingering smell of tobacco and spilt beer was ingrained in the carpet.

I saw Matt first. He was lining up a shot on one of the pool tables at the rear of the room. Then I noticed Ryan. He was chalking the end of his cue and watching Matt carefully. He didn’t see me come in.

Connor groaned. ‘Your boyfriend’s here.’

‘He’s not my boyfriend.’

‘But you wish he was.’

‘No, I don’t.’

Connor gave me a look that suggested he didn’t believe a word I’d said.

‘Whatever,’ he said, rolling his eyes. ‘You have to hand it to him. He’s a real babe magnet.’

That was when I noticed Chloe Mason and her friend Melissa. Both of them were holding pool cues and giggling. Chloe was wearing a short, tight dress that clung to her curves, barely covering her underwear. I watched as she approached Ryan from behind and slipped her arms around his waist. She leant forward and whispered something in his ear. Over to the side, I saw Melissa, swigging from a Blueberry Juiska. Ryan turned to face Chloe and laughed at something that she said. She gave him some space as he leant over the table to line up a shot.

‘I don’t think this is going to be my scene,’ I whispered to Connor.

‘Is that because of Ryan and Chloe?’

The way he said it made it sound like Ryan and Chloe were an item. I wondered if he’d known she would be here.

‘I don’t like Chloe,’ I said.

‘You just said you don’t want to go out with Ryan,’ said Connor, his voice tinged with petulance, ‘so why does it bother you that Chloe wants him?’

‘I’m not in the slightest bit bothered that Chloe wants to be with Ryan,’ I said, aiming for a neutral tone. ‘I just don’t like Chloe Mason or her bitchy friend.’

‘You’re jealous!’ said Connor.

Bruised would have been a much more accurate way to describe my feelings. Disappointed. Hurt. I thought that Ryan liked me. I was certain that there was something going on between us, that something was just about to happen. And I wanted it to happen, because, despite myself, I was starting to like him too. But here he was, not expecting to see me for another half an hour, playing pool with Chloe Mason and her friend. Laughing, while Chloe Mason slid her manipulative arms around his waist.

‘I’m not jealous. I just don’t feel like hanging out here this afternoon. I’m going to go home and do some more revision.’

‘You’re a terrible liar.’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow in the exam,’ I said, trying to ignore Chloe’s shriek of laughter.

She was responding to something Ryan had said in her usual exaggerated way. She moved close to him and whispered something in his ear. He laughed and blushed.

I walked out of the arcade and into the heartless wind, while my hopes and dreams turned to ash.

It hit me on the bus ride back home to Penpol Cove.

I was sitting at the back, my head resting against the grimy window. Outside, the gentle undulations of Perran golf course rolled by. The golf course where Ryan had shown me the stars the night of Amy’s party. The night when he had lain on the ground so close to me I could smell his skin and feel his breath.

It was all about Connor. Ryan was here as part of a mission and everything he did and everything he said was part of that mission. Including me. He had joined our school because it was Connor’s school. He had joined astronomy club because Connor went to astronomy club. He was friends with me because Connor was friends with me.

It hit me that every flirtation – every smile or accidental touch – was a calculated move on his part. And that when his guard was down – during the brief interludes in his mission – he chose to hang out at the arcade with Matt and flirt with Chloe Mason and her friends.

It made sense. Every boy at Perran School wanted to flirt with Chloe Mason and her friends. It was only natural that Ryan would too.

I felt like an idiot.

Ryan phoned me just as the bus left the bypass for the lane that ran into Penpol Cove.

‘What happened to you?’ he asked. ‘We were supposed to meet at the arcade. You said you would help me.’

‘You seemed to be doing a good job on your own.’

Which was true. Connor had cheered up immensely when he saw Ryan flirting with Chloe.

‘I let him beat me at pool like you suggested,’ Ryan said. ‘I think it’s working. He seems friendly this afternoon.’