back or it will get light or he will fall asleep or I will think of
something: I use pacifist strategies, try to make him see I am
human, ask him questions about himself. The boys still outside
girl, I holler and they come, so you cook girl. I cook.
He chatters. He grabs a sharp knife in the kitchen: hey girl
this for me not you. You thinking about using this on your
boyfriend Joe, that ain’t right girl. He eats. Why you not eating
girl? I say I am not hungry. I sit across the huge wooden table
from him, the kitchen dull in the artificial light of a bare bulb.
He eats. Oh this is good girl, you this good girl? We gonna
find out girl.
He drinks iced water. He drinks iced tea. He drinks vodka
out of the bottle. He gets up. OK girl you come.
He saunters back to the mattress. He takes off his pants. 1
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stand there. There is a banging on the door. I am frozen. Don’t
you say nothing girl or you gonna be dead. The sharp knife is
in his hand. I stand there, quiet, so still. The knocking continues. You know who that is girl? I nod yes, thinking that if I can get to the door maybe I can get help: but afraid it is his
boys. The knocking goes on and on. I don’t dare move. We
wait for it to stop. I say maybe I should see who it is. He says
don’t you move girl, don’t you fucking move. The knocking
stops. He says, now you get over here girl. The knocking starts
again. A deep male voice calls me by name. Oh, I say, it is
someone I know, if I don’t answer he will be worried and do
something, but I can go to the door and tell him to go away.
You do that, says Joe real quiet. You better get him away girl.
You better do that. Or I gonna get you good girl. You ain’t
keeping my boys and me out girl. I promise, I say, I will make
him go away. I promise I won’t say anything. The knocking
continues. I see the knife, I see the cross, I see the hairs on his
naked chest. OK girl you got two minutes then you be here. I
walk toward the door. It is a long, slow walk and I am afraid.
I open the door. It is W, someone N and I know only slightly, a
dealer, a tall, thin, dignified black man: very tall. I step just
slightly outside the door and whisper please help me: I point to
the dagger on the window ledge: I say there’s a man in there I
can’t get out he forced his way in please help me I beg you. I will
take care of it, he says with enormous quiet conviction. He walks
in. Joe is there undressed, on the mattress, the knife in his hand
on his belly. W says, what’s this I hear you fucking junkie you
trying to take my woman from me, I’m gonna fucking kill you.
He says this very quietly but with a deep resonance in his voice.
Joe begins to shake. Hey man I didn’t know she was your girl
man hey I didn’t mean you no shit man. He fumbles with his pants.
He fumbles with his shirt. He starts sweating bad. Hey man if I
know she was your girl man hey I wouldn’t touch man it was just
a joke man. W says, don’t I know you from somewhere man? Joe
