anarchism or dope or books I never heard o f before, and they
don’t like the bomb. T h ey’ve lived and they don’t hide from
knowing things and sex is the main w ay you live— adults say it
isn’t but they never told the truth yet. N ew Y o rk ’s the whole
world, it’s like living inside a heartbeat, you know, like a
puppy you can put your head up against the ticking when
you’re lonely and when you want to move the beat’s behind
you. I don’t need things. I’m not an American consumer. I’m
on the peace side and I have ideals about freedom and I don’t
want anyone telling me what to do, I’ve had enough o f it, I’m
against war, I go to demonstrations, I’m a pacifist, I have been
since I can remember. I read books and I go to places in N ew
Y ork, churches and bare rooms even, and I hear people read
poems and in m y mind I am with Sartre or Camus or Rimbaud
and I want to show love to everyone and not be confined and
sex is honest, it’s not a lie, and I like to feel things, strong
things. In N ew Y ork there’s people like me everywhere,
hiding where regular people don’t look, in every shadow
there’s the secret people. There are pockets o f dark in the dark
and the people like me are in them, poor, with nothing, not
afraid, I’m never afraid. It’s as if every crack in the sidewalk is
an open door to somewhere; you can go between the cracks to
the hidden world but regular people never even see the cracks.
People the same as you go through the cracks because they’re
not afraid and you meet them there, in the magic places, real
old from other generations even, hidden, some great underground city, dirty, hard, dark, free. There’s always sex and dope and you can get pretty hungry but you can get things if
you have to; there’s always someone. I never doubted it was
home from the start; where I was meant to come. I’m known
and invisible at the same time; fitting in but always going m y
own way, a shy girl alone in a dark corner o f the dark, the
dark’s familiar to me and so are the men in it, no rules can ever
stop night from putting its arms around a lonely girl. I like
doing what I want no matter what it is and I like drifting and I
run i f I have to; someone’s always there, kind or otherwise,
you decide quick. I love the dark, it’s got no rough edges for
me. I hear every sound without trying. I feel as if I was born
knowing every signal. I’m an animal on instinct lucky to be in
the right jungle, a magic animal charged with everything
intense and sacred, and I hate cages. I’m the night, the same.
Y ou have to hurt it to hurt me. I am one half o f everything
lawless the night brings, every lawless embrace. I can smell
where to turn in the dark, it’s not something you can know in
your head. It’s a whisper so quiet not even the dead could hear
it. It’s touching fire so fast you don’t burn your hand but the
fire’s real. I don’t know much, not what things are called or
how to do them right or how people act all the regular times.
