people ask, well, dont sweet things happen? yes, indeed, many
sweet things, but sweet doesnt keep you from dying, making love
doesnt keep you from dying unless you get paid, writing doesnt keep
you from dying unless you get paid, being wise doesnt keep you from
dying unless you get paid, facts are facts, being poor makes you face
facts which also does not keep you from dying,
people ask, well, why dont you tell a story the right way, you woke
up then what happened and who said what to whom. I say thats shit
because when you are ass fucking poor every day is the same, you
worry, ok. she had brown hair and brown eyes and she worried,
theres a story for you. she worried when she peed and she worried
when she sat down to figure out how far the SI 1. 14 would go and
what would happen when it was gone and she worried when she took
her walk and saw the pretty tree, she worried day and night, she
choked on worry, she ate worry and she vomited worry and no matter
how much she shitted and vomited the worry didnt come out, it just
stayed inside and festered and grew, she was pregnant with worry,
hows that? so how come the bitch doesnt just sell that ass if shes in
this goddam situation and its as bad as she says, well, the bitch did,
not just once but over and over, long ago, but not so long ago that
she doesnt remember it. she sold it for a corned beef sandwich and
for steak when she could get it. she sold it for a bed to sleep in and it
didnt have to be her own either, she ate speed because it was cheaper
than food and she got fucked raw in exchange for small change day
after day and night after night, she did it in ones twos threes and
fours with onlookers and without, so she figures shes wiggled her ass
enough for one lifetime and the truth is she would rather be dead if
only the dying wasnt so fucking slow and awful and she didnt love
life goddam it so much, the truth is once you stop you stop, its not
something you can go back to once its broken you in half and you
know what it means. I mean, as long as youre alive and you know
what trading in ass means and you stop, thats it. its not negotiable,
and the woman for whom it is not negotiable is anathema.
for example, heres a typical vignette, not overdrawn, underdrawn,
youre done yr days work, fucking, youre home, so some asshole man
thinks thats his time, so he comes with a knife and since hes neighborhood trade you try to calm him down, most whores are pacifists of the first order, so he takes over yr room, takes off his shirt, lays
down his knife, thats yr triumph, the fuck isnt anything once the
knife is laid down, only the fuck is always something, you have to
pretend that you won. then you got to get him to go but hes all comfy
isnt he. so another man comes to the door and you say in an undertone, this fuckers taken over my house, so it turns out man 2 is a hero, he comes in and says what you doing with my woman, and it
turns out man 2 is a big drug dealer and man 1 is a fucking junkie,
so you listen to man 1 apologize to man 2 for fucking his woman, so
man 1 leaves, guess who doesnt leave? right, man 2 is there to stay,
so he figures hes got you and he does, and he fucking tries to bite you
