her full, pink lips. Only they weren’t widened in concern; if anything she was trying not to laugh.
“No.” Jake glared. “I think she knows exactly how I feel about her.”
Char’s smirk fell as her eyes turned icy. “He’s right.” Her gaze flickered back to Grandma. “He said all he needed to say the night after he slept with me and then left me a note on my pillow saying thank you. Isn’t that right, Jake?”
He should have seen the slap coming. But to be fair, he was still in shock that Char would air out their dirty laundry in front of God and everyone.
So when he felt the air whoosh by his ear, he did what any man would do. He ducked. Too bad his grandma wasn’t one to give up easily.
The second slap was a backhand and it burned like hell.
“I’ve raised you better than that!” Grandma Nadine thrust her finger in Jake’s face and shook her head.
With a huff she straightened her jacket and ordered Randall, the weepy air marshal, to untie Char, explaining that really, the issue was not with her but with Jake. Feeling wronged, Jake began yelling at the air marshall about Char saying bomb on the plane, only to get into more trouble for repeating the word again.
The final nail in Jake’s coffin was when Grandma looked Randall in the eye and said, “She saved his life.”
The next hour was the longest of his life.
His breathing was raspy. His face was most likely still swollen from both the reaction and his grandma; never had he felt less like a man. And it was all Char’s fault.
Chapter Four
Jake’s gaze was literally burning a hole into the back of her head. Lucky for her, every time she turned around the Jake she was used to seeing was puffy and sweaty—totally ruining the sex-on-a-stick mentality she’d always associated with him.
She waved her fingers in his direction.
His eyes narrowed as he jerked against the seat again. Char sighed and twisted around her right shoulder, to see Beth sitting in her seat, happily sleeping. Had she really missed that entire drama? Worst. Sister. Ever.
“More wine.” Grandma Nadine handed her empty cup to Char. What the heck was she supposed to do with it?
A flight attendant appeared out of nowhere and filled the glass to the brim. How the heck did a person get that kind of service on such a short flight? They weren’t even in first class!
Wordlessly, Grandma Nadine grasped the cup from Char’s hand and took a long sip. Her red lipstick covered every square inch of the plastic cup’s rim, marking it as hers and only hers. Truly, there was more lipstick on the thing than on most Sephora clerks.
“Now, Char. I know Jake is an ass—”
Char snorted. Grandma Nadine could be her flying partner any day.
“But…” Grandma sipped the wine again. “He’s my ass.”
Char choked on her laugh.
“Now wait…” Grandma sighed heavily. “Not my ass as in
“Oh?” Char pretended not to be interested as her heart thumped against her chest with the information Grandma was bestowing upon her. “I didn’t know that.”
“Oh, honey!” Grandma laughed. “He was afraid of his own shadow when he was a boy! Slept with his parents for the first six years of his life!”
Jake’s poor parents.
“At any rate…” Grandma sipped her wine again. Her jewelry clanged on her wrist as she flicked her hand this way and that as she spoke. “It is my job, my curse, to do right by him. To help him along, make him the man he was supposed to be before it’s too late.”
Char’s heart sank as she whispered. “You’re dying?”
“Me?” Grandma laughed. “Oh, honey, God don’t want me yet. He told me so just this morning.”
So Grandma talked to God. Wonder if that meant she was trying to save Jake’s soul, too.
“So…” Char exhaled and wiped her hands on her jeans. “What’s your plan?”
“Oh.” Grandma emptied her cup like a rock star and gave it back to Char. “That’s easy. I already cut him off. All he has is the money in his trust fund. I fired him, too. Though he doesn’t know that yet.”
“Umm.”
“How sweet.” Grandma patted her leg. “You’re concerned for him, I can tell. Don’t worry; he’ll land on his feet. Asses always do.” She paused. “Or is that cats?” She shook her head and tapped her chin with finger. “At any rate… he’ll be fine.”
“So you’re ruining him for his own good?” Char asked.
“Absolutely.” Grandma leaned over, her pert breasts spilling partially out of her low-cut V-neck. How the hell did she keep her body looking like that? Seriously. Grandma Nadine could sell her brand of awesome and people would flock.
“Everyone, and I do mean everyone,” Grandma smiled and placed her perfectly manicured hand on Char’s arm, “deserves a good ruin. It keeps them thankful. I’m going to ruin him, and in the end, he’s going to be a thankful and happy and fulfilled and…” She looked behind her. “Not uglier than sin—oh good lord, that boy used to be beautiful. Now he puts this stuff in his hair and gets facials and…” Grandma shrugged. “Ruin and dirt. He’s going to get both. By the time I’m done, he won’t know what happened to him. And if that doesn’t work…” Fascinated, Char could only wait for what pearls of wisdom would drop from Grandma Nadine’s mouth next. “There’s always seminary.”
“You’d send him to a seminary?”
“Absolutely not!” Grandma looked offended as she pressed her hand to her chest. “He’d offer to go in order to appease me and get back in my good graces—and God’s; mustn’t forget him. Jake’s been pissing him off for years. Bless his whorish heart…”
“Um, I don’t think you should say ‘whore’ and ‘God’ in the same sentence.”
“Posh.” Grandma waved her off. “I’m tired now. I’m going to rest my eyes. Goodnight.”
Apparently the conversation was over. Either that or the three glasses of wine had done Grandma in. She was snoring in seconds. Within the next twenty minutes they landed, and thus ended the weirdest and most terrifying flight of Char’s existence.
The very second the FASTEN SEATBELT sign went off, Char bolted from her seat. Grandma jerked awake and yawned.
“There already?”
“Yup.” Char wasn’t trying to be rude but she really wanted to put this nightmare behind her. As fast as humanly possible she went back to her seat where Beth was waiting patiently.
“We have to go, now!” Char ordered her sister. “Grab our stuff. We don’t want Grandma Nadine to think —”
“Char!” A familiar feminine voice yelled. “Char! I need help!”
Panicking, Char made a beeline—over chairs even—to Grandma’s side. The old woman was sitting patiently in her seat.
“Yes? Is it your heart? Are you sick? Are you—”
“My bags are heavy and I do believe I’ve had too much wine.”
Shock of the century. Last time Char had drunk that much wine in the course of twenty minutes she’d found herself face down in a dog bed next to a lab named Lucifer, who’d clearly taken advantage of her all night if the hair in her mouth was any indication.
“Carry them?” Grandma Nadine smiled so sweetly Char had no choice but to oblige. Which was exactly how
