together. You know he lost his wife a few years back. He does this just for fun. Lots of widows out there that need company.”
Char’s mouth dropped open. Jake touched her chin and closed it.
“Shall we dance?” Grandma grabbed Mr. Casbon and led him onto the floor, walker and all.
Char watched in shock as Petunia laughed and danced as if she was having the time of her life.
“Hmm.” Jake shook his head. “Male escort?”
“Well, at least she’s happy.” Char pointed. “I mean, look at them!”
Chuckling, Jake stood and pulled Char to her feet. “I don’t want to look at them. I want to look at you.”
“Oh.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Is this one?” Bets yelled into the microphone. “Oh yes, good, it’s time to cut the cake.”
Everyone clapped.
Jake and Char walked arm in arm to the cake table and froze.
The bows were melting.
“Holy shit,” Jake said under his breath. “We have to do something.”
And then the caterer turned the cake toward the crowd.
A large gasp was heard, followed by many murmurs.
“Make it better!” Char pushed Jake toward the cake. “Go!”
He dug his heels in the ground. “Oh, hell no, I’m not going down on my own. “ He grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him, just as Travis and Kacey made their way to the table.
The first to notice was Travis. His eyes bugged out of his head and then he looked at Kacey.
She was happily looking up at him with adoration in her eyes, and then as if sensing his dismay, looked at the table and covered her mouth.
“Er, surprise!” Char shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.
Travis gaped. “Surprise?”
“We…” Char hit Jake.
“Wanted.” He coughed. “To…” His face went blank. Oh no, he had nothing to say, nothing. Of all the times to lose his game, now was not it!
Kacey and Travis waited.
Finally Jake hung his head. “We’re the worst best man and maid of honor ever. They couldn’t fix it in time. So it says—”
“Tit’s forever!” Grandma yelled over the microphone. “And let me tell you, those Titus boys love their —”
“A toast!” Bets screamed over Grandma. “To Travis and Kacey!”
Everyone lifted their glasses just as Kacey and Travis went over to the cake and examined the topper.
“At least it looks like us,” Kacey said.
“And I do like your—”
“Tremendous heart!” Bets said. “Well done, lovely, lovely cake.” She chugged the rest of her wine and looked about two seconds away from passing out.
Jake sighed. “Let’s take the topper off before mom flips.”
Char burst out laughing. “Get it? Take the topper off the Tits?”
They fell into fits of giggles until someone wiped cake on her face. It was Jake, the ass! And then Travis wiped cake on Kacey’s face.
And then a full-on war started.
One where Travis and Jake eventually relented, saying they didn’t want to ruin the girls’ pretty makeup. When really Kacey and Char knew the real reason they begged off was because they knew they’d lose. After all, the Titus boys never did stand a chance.
Chapter Sixty-two
“Ready for this?” Kacey asked as she gripped Travis’s hand in hers.
“Yup.” He kissed the top of her head then led her outside to the waiting car. Jake was arguing with Grandma and Char was covering her face with her hands, laughing.
“Uh oh.” Kacey approached the car. “Do I even want to know?”
“Grandma thinks herself an artist,” Jake said through clenched teeth. “I tried to stop her but—”
“Ah.” Kacey looked at the windshield. Grandma had drawn two very large breasts and written “Titus forever”, only both the u and s were so small you could hardly see them. “Lovely.”
“Such a special, special day,” Travis mumbled behind her.
“Go on, you two!” Grandma sighed. “Now.” She pulled them both aside. “I imagine you know how these things… work.”
“Things?” Kacey repeated. “What things?”
“Oh dear.” Grandma held her hand to her cheek. “Things, as in…” She shrugged. “When making babies…”
“Oh, dear God.” Travis closed his eyes and looked heavenward.
“It’s important to keep one’s legs elevated. Well, that’s how Wescott was brought into this world!” She sighed. “Among other things, you keep the legs high like this.” Grandma then proceeded to open the car door, sit down and lift her legs into a pike position. “But naturally you’re laying down. Do you understand?”
“People are starting to stare, Grandma,” Jake said.
“And then.” She put her legs down. “After a half hour, you turn over, much like you would turn over a roast in the oven.”
“Do people turn over roasts in the oven?” Char wondered aloud. “Never baked like that before.”
“Then you, my dear, need to take a few pointers from me,” Grandma snapped.
“No thanks.” Char stepped back.
Grandma set her eyes on Travis and Kacey. “Those little soldiers better be strong! But they have Titus blood in them so they should do an adequate job.”
“Adequate?” Travis nodded. “Kinda thought they’d be more than adequate.”
“They will.” Kacey patted his back.
“Oysters.” Grandma nodded. “Eat more oysters, gets the blood flowing to all the right areas; those soldiers will be ready for an all-out war!”
“Ah, war,” Jake said. “Pipe dream, but yet, here we stand.”
Grandma scowled at him then looked back to Kacey. “Dear, do you have any… questions, for your grandmother?”
Travis raised his hand as did Jake.
Ignoring them, Grandma patted Kacey’s hand. “I know it can be scary, but what you do, you do for your Grandma. Just go into that bedroom and think, I’m doing this for Grandma.”
“Don’t.” Travis shook his head. “Please don’t give us that mental image, I beg you…”
“I need great-grandchildren.” Grandma shrugged. “Now, don’t fail me!” With a sigh she reached into her purse. “These should also help.”
“What’s that?” Travis pointed as Grandma put a large necklace around Kacey’s neck.
“Fertility beads.” Grandma shrugged as if everyone should know what they were.
“Awesome.” This from Jake as he laughed.
“You’re next,” Travis murmured, then put his arm around Kacey. “I think we’d better go uh…”
“Play battleship with your soldiers?”
He grinned. “I’ll sink your ship anytime.”
“Hmm, I may just let you.”
Grandma elbowed Jake in the ribs. “What did I tell you? Those beads work wonders. Look at those two.”
