But I couldn’t—and I didn’t know if I ever would.
34
I stayed outside for a long time—long enough for Jo-Jo to heal Owen and for him and Eva to go on their way.
The porch light snapped on, and my lover stepped outside, followed by Eva and Sophia. The Goth dwarf rounded the house, and I heard her convertible start up a minute later. She must have been taking them home.
Sure enough, Sophia drove her convertible around to the front of the house. Eva opened one of the passenger doors and slid into the backseat. Owen grabbed hold of the front passenger door. He started to open it and get inside but paused, his eyes scanning the yard. He couldn’t see me in the shadows, and my heart rose in hopes that he might come looking for me.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he got into the car and shut the door. Sophia steered the vehicle down the driveway, and her red taillights—shaped like little skulls—disappeared into the darkness.
When I was sure they were gone, I walked over, trudged up the porch steps, and shuffled inside. I plodded back to the salon, where Jo-Jo and Finn were talking in low voices. The two of them looked at me. I knew they could see the raw emotion in my face, but for once I was too tired to hide my feelings.
Everything about tonight had simply hurt.
I settled myself in one of the cherry red salon chairs. Finn gave me a sympathetic glance, murmured something about calling to check in with Bria, and left.
“Finn told me what happened,” Jo-Jo said, reaching for her Air magic. “What you did to Salina.”
“I killed her, Jo-Jo. She was down for the count, but I went ahead and killed her anyway—even though Owen asked me not to.”
In a flat, dull voice, I told the dwarf everything, starting with Owen leaving me to go confront Salina to Finn figuring out her plan to my putting a stop to it and her—for good. All the while, the dwarf worked her magic on me. The feel of the tiny needles pricking at all my cuts, lumps, scratches, and bruises and making them whole again didn’t bother me tonight.
It was nothing compared to the ache in my heart.
Finally, the dwarf finished healing me and dropped her hand. The magic faded from her eyes, and she looked at me once more.
“It was an awful choice you had to make, darling. But Owen wouldn’t have wanted Eva to be a killer. Not like that.”
“No, he wouldn’t have, and I was trying to protect Eva from that.” I let out a breath. “But part of me killed Salina because I wanted to, Jo-Jo. Because she was a threat to me and Owen, and not just physically. I didn’t want to lose him to her, but it looks like that’s what’s happening anyway.”
She nodded. “Maybe that’s what it feels like now, but we both know Fletcher trained you better than that, Gin. He might have raised you to be an assassin, but he taught you to respect his code, your code. You don’t kill for the pleasure of it—you do what you have to in order to survive. Nothing more, nothing less. Like it or not, sometimes people just get broken, and nothing and nobody will make them whole again. Some of them even enjoy what they become. If you hadn’t killed Salina tonight, how long do you think it would have been before she made another run at you? Or Eva? Or even Owen?”
Jo-Jo was right, but that didn’t make me feel any better. It didn’t heal this rift between me and Owen.
“She would have killed one of you sooner or later,” Jo-Jo continued. “And then how would Owen feel? He’s already full of guilt that he didn’t realize what she was doing to Eva and that he believed her lies about Phillip. If you’d let Salina live, and she’d hurt any one of you, Owen would have felt even guiltier that he didn’t kill her when he had the chance. It would have eaten him up inside until there was nothing left.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know there was anything left of me and Owen.
Jo-Jo’s eyes clouded over, as though she was peering into the future. “Don’t worry, darling. It may take some time, but it everything will work out all right in the end. You’ll see.”
She patted my hand and started moving around the salon, straightening up. I sat in the chair and thought about her words.
But try as I might, I couldn’t convince myself that things would ever be the same again.
I spent the night at Jo-Jo’s. The next morning, I was sitting in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch, brooding into the sunlight, when Bria’s car pulled into the driveway. Xavier was with her, and he waved at me from the passenger’s seat. I waved back.
Bria got out of the car, walked to the porch, and sat down in the rocking chair next to me. For a long time, the only sound was the faint
“I thought you’d want to know that there are fifteen folks dead, including Salina and the giants you killed, and almost two dozen with injuries,” she said.
I nodded. I’d expected the damage to be something like that, given how much water had soaked the area and how much glee Salina had taken in using her magic.
“Still, it could have been worse, a whole lot worse, all things considered,” Bria said. “She would have killed everyone with her magic if you hadn’t stepped in. The folks who survived owe you their lives, Gin.”
I tried to smile at her, but it didn’t come off very well. “Yeah, well, maybe the mayor will finally break down and give me that medal I’ve always wanted.”
My sister reached over and squeezed my hand, which was cold despite the growing warmth of the day. “Maybe. But I want you to know that I’m proud of you. I know it would have been better for you if Salina had killed everyone, especially Jonah McAllister. I know it wasn’t easy for you to save all the people who’ve been trying to murder you these past few months.”
I shrugged. “Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, wanting to protect my enemies instead of executing them like I should have. Like they would have done to me.”
Bria’s eyes met mine. “Not too soft. You killed Salina in the end.”
I let out a breath. “No, not too soft.”
“What does Owen think about that?”
“Nothing good.”
“I saw what happened, what you did for Eva. You killed Salina so she wouldn’t have to, so Owen wouldn’t have to. He’ll come to see that in time.” She echoed what Jo-Jo had said to me last night.
I shrugged. I wished I shared her confidence, but I didn’t—I just didn’t. I’d seen the way Owen had looked at me after I’d slit Salina’s throat. How angry and hurt he’d been by my actions. I didn’t know if he could recover from that. I didn’t know if I could either.
“Bria!” Xavier called out, waving his hand at my sister through his open car window. “We have to go!”
Bria waved back, telling him that she’d be there in a minute. “Duty calls,” she said, and got to her feet.
“I made quite the mess for you to clean up, didn’t I? You’ll be dealing with the aftermath of this for weeks.”
She shrugged. “What are sisters for? Besides, you just helped me close two other homicides—Katarina and Antonio. Plus, the families of the men Salina married and murdered can finally get some closure, too. All in all, not a bad night’s work for the Spider.”
“You know, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever said my assassin name in a happy tone,” I said.
Bria looked at me, her face somber. “Do you remember what you said to me the night you saved Elliot Slater from beating me to death in my own house?”
“Something like there were worse things in the world than me.”
She nodded. “I think we saw one of those things last night. There are worse things than assassins in the world, Gin. A hell of a lot worse things. Some of them are even disguised as love.”
