long as you follow the rules.” She eyed the crowd, pleased as all get out to be running the show. “First off, in precisely seven minutes, we will begin the bonbon favor making party.”
I swear I heard Ant Eater groan.
Dimitri shifted in his seat. “You don’t need me for that,” he reasoned.
“What? You only want to be here for the fun parts?” I asked him.
“Yes,” he said, without hesitation.
Too bad. If I had to do it, it didn’t seem fair for him to make an escape, simply because he had a penis. Even if it was a really nice one.
Hillary was on a roll. “Tonight at six o’clock sharp is the fork and knife barbecue. With a live band playing jazzy renditions of your favorite country hits.”
“Elevator music,” Grandma said under her breath.
I tried to ignore her because it was probably true.
Hillary pointed to the next board. “Tomorrow, at nine a.m. sharp, Ixia Papos will arrive from the Greek Institute to teach us some lovely ways to greet Lizzie’s new in-laws. Then at eleven a.m. sharp…”
Dimitri sat like a statue, muscled arms crossed over his chest, staring into space. “I’d rather check out that observatory.”
I eyed his strong, Grecian profile. “Not without me.”
“Then let’s get out of here,” he prodded.
I sighed.
“Where are you going?” Grandma asked.
“Nowhere,” I insisted.
“Okay, wedding favors!” My mother clapped her hands again. “You three. Pay attention.”
He caught my hand and wrapped it in his. It was warm and solid. “Fine,” he said. “I’m staying.”
Okay, but I really could hack it. “In case you don’t remember, I was the one who got you out of hell.” He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes. “I was also the one who blasted that entire army of sex-on-wheels succubi.”
“Then I kept you from incinerating yourself,” he said under his breath.
Fair enough.
“Which time?” Grandma prodded.
“Shut it,” we said together, a little louder than was absolutely necessary.
“Have you even been paying attention?” Hillary bleated, her cheeks reddening, “because I don’t see how you’re going to make tulle wrapped bonbon favors correctly if you’re talking during the directions!”
“Sorry, Mom,” I said quickly.
Did anybody really care about wedding favors?
I didn’t. Then again, I was getting the feeling that this week leading up to the big day wasn’t about me.
I wriggled a little, trying to get more comfortable on my seat. The couch was old, and hard.
At least Hillary hadn’t heard what we were talking about. “We need to be more careful,” I muttered.
“Or, hey, here’s a thought—you could tell your mom you’re a demon slayer,” Grandma said under her breath, as if I could just blurt that out.
“I thought you were going to tell her,” Dimitri said, as Ant Eater passed him a stack of white tulle. He looked at it like it might jump up and bite him.
“Take fifteen pieces and pass it,” Hillary instructed.
He handed the entire wad to me. “I’ll watch and make sure you’re doing it right.”
“No,” Hillary strode over to our couch, heels clacking on the tile. “We need all the help we can get to make your wedding day perfect.” She stood above him. Even sitting, he was almost at eye level with her. Too bad for Dimitri, Hillary had an advanced degree in dagger eyes.
He looked like a trapped bear.
“Love means making compromises,” I told him, counting off fifteen squares of tulle and dropping them into his lap. Yes, he may be a hot-as-hell, badass shape-shifting griffin, but he still had to get along with his mother-in- law.
And if he was going to protect me from unseen dangers, he could at least make some wedding favors while he was at it.
“It can’t be worse than switch stars,” I told him. Handling them had taken years off his life. He’d grabbed an ice monster for me, he’d dealt with blood and guts and demon spittle. But a little tulle seemed to be his kryptonite.
If only our enemies knew his weakness.
He really did look miserable.
“Okay.” Far be it from me to cause him undue pain. “Why don’t you take off?” I asked. He wasn’t doing any good here. And yes, my powers did feel strange, but I wasn’t in any immediate danger. Besides, “I’ve got the Red Skulls.” I gave him a small smile.
He looked from me, to the tulle in his lap, to the schedule boasting events like flower headdress weaving and a ribbon tying party.
“I’m out of here,” he said, lightning fast as he stood. His griffin nature let him move a hair quicker than other men. I didn’t know if I’d ever get used to it.
He kissed me on the head and was out the door before the tulle on the seat next to me stopped fluttering.
Typical man.
***
After a half hour of wrapping bonbons into little tulle squares, I changed my opinion.
He was a smart man.
I struggled to twist the top of the little bag while trying to tie a thin silk ribbon around it. I slipped, and the side of my hand crushed the bonbon. Gah. I’d never been good at crafts.
“Just eat it,” Grandma said.
“No.” I’d already polished off the last three. Pretty soon, my mom was going to notice. No doubt she’d counted and catalogued every last bonbon.
It was like a sweatshop. As soon as I’d finish a stack, mom was ready with more tulle, more bonbons.
Wrap. Twist. Tie. Repeat.
“I don’t know why we’re out of bonbons already,” Hillary fussed.
I pretended not to hear.
Wrap. Twist. Tie. Crush the bonbon slightly.
Hillary stiffened as Ant Eater held up her bonbon favor bag. She’d double wrapped it to look like testicles. Lovely.
“Candied nuts!” Luna hollered from the back, which had Creely grinning, and okay—me, too.
“Hold on. I’m coming!” my mother said, clacking over to Ant Eater.
She frowned when she saw Ant Eater’s creation. “No, no.” She took it gingerly between two fingers and held it up for the room, “Almost, but you see, we only want one ball in the sack.”
“I prefer two,” Ant Eater told her solemnly.
Hillary twisted her lips into a tight smile. “That’s not how they’re made.”
Ant Eater raised both brows. “Have you seen any lately?”
That’s it. “One ball,” I said, standing and confiscating Ant Eater’s treasure. “It’s my wedding, and I want a one-balled affair.”
The biker witches snickered, which was better than them rebelling.
“That’s right,” Hillary said, unsure of exactly what we were talking about.
I found a seat next to the gold-toothed biker witch. “I thought you were going to behave.”
Ant Eater took her favor back. “I didn’t think you’d be having a one-balled wedding,” she said, untying the bag and popping a bonbon into her mouth. “I know Dimitri’s not going to go along with that.”
“Ew. No comments about the groom, please. And stop tormenting my mom.”
