Blurred

Cash went still beneath me. He didn’t even breathe.

“We were going to be married,” I went on. “So Father gave him a job on the boat. It was only his second trip out. He kissed me good-bye, promised he’d return, and disappeared on the horizon.”

Cash turned to look up at me. “Then what happened?”

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the good. Focus on the boy that fate had given me all over again.

“He died,” I finally said. “And then so did I.”

Chapter 27

Cash

Sometime before the sun came up, I woke up and Anaya was gone. My arm was draped awkwardly over my chest, like she was still there to support it. I could still smell her on my skin. Like I’d slept in a thunderstorm. Like I was still in a dream. I sat up and scrubbed my palms over my face to rub the sleep from my eyes. To wake myself up enough to realize what I’d done.

I told her I’d go along with everything. Embrace being a shadow walker. Work for Balthazar.

And I’d meant every word. Was being a slave to the man who gave Anaya orders to collect the dead what I wanted to do with my eternity? No. But not having to say good-bye to her…I couldn’t help but believe the sacrifice would be worth it. I’d never loved a girl before. Not really. Not like this. But I loved Anaya. I loved her so much it was hard to breathe when she was around. It was even harder to breathe when she wasn’t. And not just because my lungs were failing. I knew now that Noah wasn’t someone I could trust. No way was I going to end up like him.

I finally managed to drag myself out of my studio and into the house. Every part of me ached. I needed a shower. And coffee. And probably a new heart and set of lungs, but that wasn’t going to happen. With my recent decision, there wasn’t really a point in fighting to get on a transplant list. I searched the house for Finn when I didn’t find him in the guest room, and finally found him in the den sitting on the couch staring at the black screen of the TV. I kicked the leg of the couch to get his attention.

“You know, when I said you could move in here, I meant you could have a bedroom to sleep in, too.”

“I know. I just couldn’t sleep.” Finn squinted up at me. “Where have you been?

“I slept in the studio.”

“You slept?” He raised a brow.

“I had help,” I said. The memory of Anaya pressed up against me in all the right places suddenly swept over me and I cleared my throat. “You want some coffee?”

“Yeah.” He stood up and stretched. “And make it strong.”

I brewed a pot of coffee, but by the time I’d had my second cup I’d given up hope for anything to warm my insides. I grabbed my burgundy scarf off the back of a kitchen chair and wrapped it around my neck, then shoved my black knit cap over my head.

“It’s like eighty degrees out there,” Finn said as he sank down into a chair and took a sip from his

Bank of Lone Pine coffee mug.

“It doesn’t feel like it to me,” I said. “I feel like I just took an ice bath. That means it’s gonna be soon, right?”

He shrugged, refusing to look me in the eye. “I don’t know.”

“Finn.”

He sighed and looked out the little kitchen window that still had the blue floral-print curtains that

Mom put up before she left. The sun had faded them but Dad never took them down.

“Yes,” he finally said. “It won’t be long.”

I sat my cup down and stared at the table, waiting for the fear to take over. It didn’t. I felt oddly… calm. I’m sure knowing Anaya would be waiting on the other side for me helped that.

“Thank you,” I said.

Finn drummed his fingers on the tabletop like he was stalling. His jaw clenched.

“Spit it out,” I said.

“What are you going to do?” He looked up at me.

“I’m going to let her take me to Balthazar.”

Finn pushed his fingers through his unkempt hair. “She offered you an out. You should take it.”

“I won’t let her go to Hell for me.”

“Being a slave to Balthazar will be Hell,” he growled. “You have no idea what you’re doing.”

I pushed my cup aside and stood up. “I know what kind of hell I’ll be in if I lose her. And honestly…that’s all that matters right now. With what you’ve been through with Emma, you should get this.”

He shook his head. “That’s different.”

I laughed and started down the hall. “Whatever you say.”

“Where are you going?” Finn called out as I made my way down the hall.

“Studio!” I yelled back. If I stayed here I’d say stuff to him that I didn’t mean. He was just trying to help. But I didn’t need that from him. I just needed him to take care of Emma after I was gone. My fingers were twitching anyway. I needed to finish that painting of Anaya. Her eyes still weren’t quite right. No matter how much I mixed and melded the colors, I couldn’t find a perfect match for that gold. And I needed to finish this before everything went down. One of the things I loved about art was that you could leave your imprint on the world. The things that inspire you, make you tick, you can leave them behind for the world to see. And Anaya was too beautiful to keep to myself. She was the imprint I wanted to leave.

By the time I pushed through the studio door, my knees felt weak. Shaky. I stumbled into the room, my footsteps echoing off the concrete floor. Something wasn’t right. I felt nauseous. The world was tilted at an odd angle, spinning circles while darkness blurred the edge of my vision. I braced my palms on my knees and sucked in a lungful of ice-cold air that left me coughing until I couldn’t breathe. When I pulled my palms away from my mouth there was blood. Lots of it. My eyes swept over the concrete; wet red drops were splattered against the gray. I stood up, heart hammering in my chest, and wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist.

“Anaya,” I choked out through the fear in my throat. She needed to be here. What was going to happen to me if I died when she wasn’t here? What if she didn’t get here in time? I heard the hissing behind me and panic throbbed in my gut.

I spun around and braced myself on the bar stool in front of my half-painted portrait of Anaya.

Shadow demons. So many of them they just looked like one big black blur that bled into the darkness enclosing my vision. One of them broke away from the crowd and swirled around my waist like smoke, and I froze. Solid. Still. Like ice. My fear melting off me in a dripping sweat. The shadow demon slithered up my body until its bloody cavern of a mouth was an inch from mine. It smelled like death and rot and things I’d never smelled before. Things I never wanted to smell again. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. This was happening. I wanted to run, but I didn’t think it would do much good. They’d just follow me. Find me. Take me. And then what?

Another shadow demon circled my ankle. Its tongue flicked out, black like tar, but it felt like a flame through my jeans. I winced at the pain and they went into a frenzy. Hissing and snapping.

Inching closer to me by the second, but still holding back like they were waiting on a command. I half expected Noah to waltz out of the darkness, demanding order, but he didn’t. What kind of control did these things even have without him here to fight them off?

Shit! They were going to eat me. No! I couldn’t go like this. Anything but this. Forcing my body into action, I shook the thing off my leg, stumbled a few feet back, and tripped over my canvas. I hit the cold concrete like a sack of rocks. Pain exploded across my back. Crackled through my chest. I gasped for a breath that my lungs wouldn’t allow me to take. Dust particles twirled through the sunshine spilling into the room through the still open door. I was paralyzed. By fear or the fall, I couldn’t tell which. If I could just get out of here, I could stall at least. Anaya would come. She always came in time. I just needed…

A big black figure stepped over me, blotting out the light. Its body was massive. But I couldn’t find one