Inbetween

about me. He wants me to go out tonight. He probably thinks I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.”

“You should go.”

I stopped at a stop sign and glanced over at Finn, who looked completely at home in my Jeep. He looked like he belonged there. With me. “What about you?”

“I have somewhere I need to be. I’d rather you be with him so he can keep an eye on you.”

I lifted my chin. “I don’t need a babysitter 24-7.” It may not have been the most effective way, but I’d gotten rid of Maeve at the house. I could do it again if I had to. And chances were, I would. I couldn’t expect Finn to be with me every waking minute.

“I know that,” he said, but didn’t sound like he really believed it. “But it’ll make me feel better if you’re with him.”

I pulled my Jeep over to the side of the road under a canopy of pine trees and turned so he couldn’t see my face, my bleary gaze spilling out onto the empty highway. I wasn’t in control of my own life and after two years, I was finally tired of it. I was tired of being afraid. I was tired of people looking at me like I might snap at any moment. I was tired of Finn treating me like he was my bodyguard when I wanted him to be something else.

“Emma… What’s wrong? What are you thinking?”

“I think you’ve spent the last two years trying to protect me because, for some reason, you feel guilty. Like it’s your job, or something. You constantly say this isn’t my fault, but it’s not yours either. You didn’t do anything to her. Nothing that would justify this, or obligate you to keep me safe all this time. I just…I wish things were different.”

I wished everything were different. I wished I could have a normal life, that there wasn’t some crazed soul out there hell-bent on me dying. I wished Finn could be here because he wanted to be, and not because he felt that he had to protect me. It hurt to admit even to myself, but I wished Finn was alive. I wanted him to be able to hold my hand. Kiss me. Do everything I could do and not worry about the consequences. I wanted so many things from him that he couldn’t give. And it wasn’t fair.

“I don’t need you safe because of some obligation,” he said, his voice tight. “I need you safe because if something ever happened to you it would rip me apart! Don’t you see that? I need…” He laid his hand in the seat between us and stared at it. “I need you, Emma. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything.”

“Finn…”

“I’m not trying to be an ass. I just need you to trust me when I say that something is dangerous. I have to go somewhere and I need to know you’re safe while I’m gone. The only way I’m going to be comfortable leaving you is if you stay with Cash.”

“Cash isn’t going to be able to protect me from Maeve.”

Finn’s fingers carefully brushed against mine. The warm spark ignited by his fingers sent a rush of heat racing across my skin. “He won’t have to.”

I took a deep breath, heart pounding with want, and watched his hand pull away. He was right. I would protect myself. Maybe it would work. Maybe it wouldn’t. But I wouldn’t go down without a fight. No matter how screwed up and unfair it was, I wanted more of whatever it was that Finn and I had too much to give up now.

“I’ll be okay,” I finally said. “I promise.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Just…” I glanced out the window at the cars buzzing by, trying to force some confidence in my voice. “Just come back, okay?”

Finn scooted across the seat. I felt the warmth of his lips shimmer against my cheek. “I’ll always come back to you, Emma.”

I shut my eyes again, trying not to think about how badly I wished that kiss could have been real, and when I opened them he was gone.

Chapter 22

Finn The club I tracked Scout to was up on the mountain. It would have been about an hour’s drive past the reaping border, but it only took me a few minutes. One perk to being a dead guy—no traffic. Peak was the closest thing to a club you got in this part of the state, and it seemed like every drunken single person within a fifty-mile radius had made it out despite the crappy weather. I dreaded going in. The music was loud and the obnoxious drunks were even louder. It wasn’t anywhere close to where I wanted to be, but I had to do this. I had to at least see what Scout was up to. Not to mention find out what in God’s name he could possibly be doing with Maeve. I was almost afraid to find out.

I dissolved through the cold steel doors and into a smoke-filled room packed with bodies. The music was so loud, I could barely hear myself think. Where the hell was Scout? A better question-what was he doing here?

“Finn?” I stopped when I heard Scout’s voice next to the bar. Spinning around, I accidentally dissolved through a girl and came out the other side reeking of cigarette smoke and apple martinis.

I made my way over to him. He looked like the same old Scout, but something was different. His eyes…he looked… alive.

“Holy Hell, Dr. Death. I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again after that meeting. Seriously, what did you do? Balthazar looked pissed.”

“You know me. I’ve never been very good with rules.” I looked around, getting dizzy as my eyes flickered from face to face. “Can we go outside and talk?”

Scout smiled and I followed him, cutting through the crowd to an emergency exit, and slid silently through the door. The sleet had picked up, but it was so black outside, the only place you could see it was under the orange glow of the streetlights, tiny flickers of ice in a frenzy to coat the earth.

Scout leaned against the brick wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s up?”

“You tell me. Why is Maeve saying I should come see you?”

“Probably because I told her to tell you to come see me,” he said.

Yeah, this was going nowhere fast. “Okay, better question. Why the hell are you talking to Maeve in the first place?”

Scout raised his hands defensively. “She came to me. I told you before—you and her, your girlfriend, the drama… Count me out, man.”

So much for loyalty. I blew out a long breath and leaned against the wall next to him. “What’s the big secret?”

“I did it.” The look on Scout’s face was nothing short of triumphant. “I found a way back in.”

“Back in where?”

“Back in there.” He pointed at a couple around the corner, laughing and kissing. I froze, paralyzed by a thousand different emotions: fear, disgust, but the most unsettling… hope.

“I can get into a body, Finn. I found a way.”

I shook my head. Back when he was just a newbie and I was dumb enough to hang around him, we’d tried a lot of stupid crap, this particular stunt being the most moronic by far. “You can’t. We tried, remember? It doesn’t work.”

“It does,” he argued, his blue eyes intense. “They just have to be inebriated. Alcohol, pills, sleep aids. Anything to lower their defenses, make them cloudy, and I’m in. It only lasts for a few hours, though, but that’s long enough to have some fun.” Scout bounced on the balls of his feet, smiling.

“You have no idea how good the cold feels. You’d think it would suck as much as these yahoos complain about the weather, but it doesn’t. It’s amazing.”

“I don’t believe you,” I finally said. I didn’t want to believe him. If it was true, it meant way more bad than good.

“Seeing is believing, friend.” Scout winked and backed up, watching the couple he’d pointed to stumble around the corner, laughing. Idiots. They were going to freeze in this weather, but they were probably too drunk to notice.