wrong, whether they knew what it was or not—there were only ten years before the decay set in. For the madness to take over. For the transition to a shadow to begin. I turned my hands over to expose the black spiderweb of veins crawling up my arm. I didn’t have to look to know my neck looked the same, or that the darkness had eaten away nearly all of the blue in my eyes.
Finn pulled my hand away and turned it back over to make me stop looking.
“I need all remaining reapers and guardians to the front please!” Balthazar shouted.
Finn looked torn, not wanting to let go of my hand.
“Just go,” I whispered. When I looked up, fear swallowed me. Balthazar’s careful eyes were watching us. He met Balthazar’s gaze. After a long moment, Balthazar nodded. Finn held my hand tighter and pulled me forward.
I yanked against his grip. “Stop. You’ll get in trouble.”
“That doesn’t really matter now, does it?”
“Attention!” Balthazar’s voice thundered across the crowd, leaving a wave of silence in its wake.
“The decision has been made!”
There were thousands of souls here, their energy pulsing, pulling, pressing in on me like a rip current. I knew the odds weren’t good, but I forced myself to imagine my name rolling off his tongue.
Finn gripped my hand. I could feel him shaking.
“Anderson Mills,” Balthazar announced, “Faye Dunn, Tommy Gilford, Samantha Monroe. Can you all approach the porthole?”
I closed my eyes. He’d only say a few more names.
“Ryan Butler and…” He crinkled the thin paper in his hand and squinted at it. “Jonah Bates.”
Finn wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close. I buried my face into his shoulder. I couldn’t look. He pressed his lips into my hair.
“Shh,” he whispered. “They’ll say your name. They will. You’re going back today, I promise.”
“All right, just one more,” Balthazar said. “As for the rest of you, better luck next year.”
There was no next year for me. Next year I’d be in the Shadow Land, a hungry, empty thing with no memory of who or what I once was. No memory of Finn and his kisses. I held my breath and tried to count to ten. I only made it to three.
“Maeve McCredie. Today, the seven of you will be born again.”
My heart sank, but the silence of Balthazar’s announcement erupted into chaos as the crowd pushed Maeve to the front. I tried to smile, but I could feel it mangle into something that felt more like a kick in the gut than a congratulations for Maeve. Maeve had only been here two years and had been nothing but rude to the few souls who’d attempted to befriend her. Worse, she still had time. I didn’t.
Maeve breezed past me and winked. “Hey, Emma. You’re looking a little…dark. It’s amazing your reaper boy can stand being that close to you with how deathly you smell.”
I blinked away the hurt and the shock as I watched her weave through the crowd. Some were bright-eyed as they pressed forward, anxious to get a glimpse of what might be their future. Others looked dark and hopeless, trying to get a glimpse of what they’d never have. Finn squeezed my hand and a dark sound rumbled in the back of his throat.
“Finn!” Balthazar moved through the crowd, but Finn wouldn’t let go of my hand. “I need you closer.”
Finn looked back at me, jaw clenched in frustration. “Can I stay with her? She’s close to transition.”
Balthazar looked me over and pursed his lips. “Bring her with you.”
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pushed through the souls until we were huddled against the portal, watching the chosen souls fall into the light to be reborn. The portal was beyond beautiful, with blinding streaks of color permeating its golden glow. We were so close, I could feel its warmth. If I reached out, I’d be able to touch it.
“One step through that light and you’re reborn,” Balthazar said to the sixth soul in line, a younger boy who’d been in the Inbetween for barely over a year. “Don’t be shy, son.”
For a fleeting second, I imagined myself grabbing Finn and leaping into the light together, but quickly pushed the thought aside when a guardian pinned me with a dark look, as if he could read my thoughts. I ignored him and turned my attention to the only soul left in line. Maeve. Her red hair spilled around her shoulders, and her hazel eyes glittered with excitement.
Finn dragged me even closer, and Balthazar’s brows pulled together when he noticed. I thought for sure he’d pull Finn away from me in that moment, but he turned his attention to the guardian watching me.
“Joseph,” he called over the crowd, motioning for the guardian to follow him with two fingers. He slid one last careful glance my way, then turned back to the crowd.
Finn held me close. “Ally,” he started, then shook his head. “I love you. And I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that. I’m so sorry I waited until now.” He held my face between his palms, stealing the words from my mouth. “Remember that. No matter what happens, hold onto it, because I will see you again. Promise me you’ll remember.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“Promise me!” he demanded.
“I promise.”
His lips brushed my ear. His voice lingered there, making my chest ache with want and what could have been. “Please forgive me for this, pretty girl.”
Without warning, he grabbed my shoulders and shoved me forward. I gasped and stumbled into the light. Behind me, Maeve screamed.
“Finn!” I cried against the wind. “Finn, wait!”
But no one answered. I soared through cerulean blue skies, puffs of billowing clouds whispering through my hair. I was free at last, my reaching arms turning to wings as I spiraled through the shimmering facets of color.
And within seconds of dissolving into the precious warmth around me, I couldn’t remember who I was reaching for.
