Scythe Does Matter

was still a little baked. It was hard to focus on Schotz’s conversation. I blinked and tried to concentrate. Wishing for aspirin or more pizza or both, I rubbed my temples. Having an AC unit dumped on your head can have a resounding after-effect. Or maybe it was the booze. This was like the morning of my twenty-fifth birthday all over again. Wasn’t I older and wiser than that?

Kali looked over at me, gesturing surreptitiously for me to lean toward her. Her six hands were always in motion, especially since she’d quit smoking, so her brief beckoning gesture went unnoticed by others. Slowly, loath to draw Schotz’s attention my way, I leaned into the space that separated our assigned rocks. She slid one hand up my spine to rest on the back of my neck. When she removed it again I was sober and the headache settling between my eyes had become bearable.

“Also god of hangovers,” she mouthed, keeping her eyes on Schotz. “I rarely mention it.”

At the front of the room, Schotz continued his tirade. “You say you had the tokens and the crystal skull and they all got sucked into a swirling vortex of evil. Do I have that right?”

He made “swirling vortex of evil” sound like “a dog ate my homework.”

“Not quite, sir.” Dante cleared his throat. “Only the tokens got sucked in to the vortex.”

“Ah, so you have the skull then?” He held out one hand.

Dante shuffled his feet and stared at the wall over Schotz’s head. “I’m not sure exactly where it ended up. Earth’s molten core, maybe?”

Schotz opened his mouth and stared. He stayed like that awhile.

Finally Dante said, “Uh, I’m sorry?” and that kicked our instructor back into play.

“So no tokens. No skull. Which, by the way, I need for next semester. And you managed to lose one of my students. One of my recruits! How is that even possible? You’re already dead.” He eyed the classroom, his gaze landing last on me. “Mostly,” he corrected.

I cringed. I felt like a coward letting Dante take the brunt of Schotz’s rage.

“And yet, you and your charges managed to save the world, you say. Not just Hell, but the Mortal Coil, as well.”

“When you put it like that, sir . . .”

“Sir?” A voice from behind me squeaked. “Sir?” It said again, more firmly this time.

I swiveled around on my rock. What was Horace thinking?

“Yes, Reaper Recruit Horace? Is there something you think you can add to this conversation?”

“Yes, sir. I think maybe I can. I think maybe we deserve to fail. I mean, we cheated. Well, some of us did. Rod brought in hired wingmen. I tried to con a raven out of some feathers when no one was looking.”

“I used my wings even though I knew that gave me an unfair advantage,” Ira admitted.

“I used my powers of death and destruction to clear a path for myself through the woods,” Kali added.

“I used my total recall,” Amber said.

“We worked as a team.” I arose from my rock, thinking that since I’d never be able to save my aunt now, I might as well be honest and join the rats going down with the sinking ship. “You specifically said we were to work alone, but we combined Amber’s memory with Kali’s powers and my . . .” What had I added to the team? What, indeed, could I even bring to the job as Reaper? What had I been thinking? “We cheated, sir.”

“Do not look at me,” M’Kimbi said. “I did not cheat.”

“Maybe not, but you would have,” Dante said. “If I hadn’t caught you snooping around last night, looking for the specifics of the test!”

I swung my surprised gaze from M’Kimbi to Dante So that’s what he’d meant by working late last night. He’d been patrolling the campus for cheaters. I looked at M’Kimbi, shocked that the class’s number one suck-up had tried to cheat. Under my piercing gaze, I was pretty sure M’Kimbi blushed.

“You tried to steal the test?” Ira asked, admiration in his voice.

“We’re all cheaters. Dirty, rotten cheaters,” Amber said miserably, her voice catching. “We don’t deserve to be Reapers.” A single tear rolled down her cheek, leaving a trail through the smudged makeup and grime.

“What?” shouted Sergeant Schotz. “You all cheated? You all don’t deserve to pass?”

We nodded.

“Where, exactly, do you idjits think you are?”

I looked up, not understanding the question. Sweat slithered down my back.

“In a field, sir?” M’Kimbi answered.

Schotz ignored him. “This is Hell, for skeg’s sake. You’re supposed to cheat. You’re supposed to do whatever it takes to accomplish your task. You can lie, cheat, steal, pay for or con someone into helping you. You can trick and bribe and do whatever it takes in the line of duty. You weren’t supposed to get your colleague sucked into a space-time vortex, but these things happen.” He shrugged. “So every last one of you deserves to be considered for Reaperhood.”

I raised my head. I felt hope for the first time since Rod’s backpack had disappeared into the vortex.

“The only thing keeping you from passing is the fact that, in spite of having used all your tricks and cunning and powers and gifts, you didn’t manage to bring back a single skeggin’ token you’d been sent after.”

I slumped again. Maybe I should just walk away. Why was I even sitting here listening to this? Maybe hope, like that one coil in Dante’s sofa, really did spring eternal. I sat glumly and listened to Schotz rail against our uselessness and stupidity.

“I ought to— What’s that?” A tinny version of Glory, Glory, Hallelujah interrupted him.

“I believe it’s your hellphone, sir,” Dante said.

“I know it’s my skeggin’ phone. Hello? Schotz here. Sergeant Schotz, that is. Oh. Yes, ma’am. I—”

He stepped outside for privacy. Of course, we could still hear every word. We were in a tent, for skeg’s sake.

“They did?”

“They said that?”

“She touched his what?”

Uh-oh. I was done for now. And I couldn’t even make a quick getaway since Schotz chose that moment to reappear, blocking the tent flap, hands on hips, face the color of a fine merlot.

“Do you people have any idea who that was?”

Silence reigned, whether from fear or because we’d finally learned to recognize a rhetorical question, I couldn’t tell.

“That was Her Satanic Majesty. Calling me. Me. Here I am, just trying to do my duty to Hell and you . . . you . . . you bunch earn me a call from the Queen of Darkness.”

I stopped breathing altogether. I didn’t need to, right?

“And do you know why she called me?”

Another rhetorical question . . . I hoped.

“That’s right. She had a call from some powerfully placed and well-connected friends of hers. A certain group of engineers who were working on a top-secret, highly sensitive project.”

Uh-oh. Now I was really in trouble. Could I run? Could I hide?

“And they told her that you recruits, you promising young men and woman and . . . no, that’s it with this group, right? Just men and women?” He glanced at Dante for confirmation. Dante nodded.

“That you people saved the world. That you risked yourselves to save them personally and also saved Hell, the Coil, and the big secret project. Maybe even Heaven, too.”

He glared at us like we’d saved the worlds just to aggravate him.

“There’s to be some sort of big time reset tonight at the darkest hour just before dawn and then, for the first time in millennia, we’ll be synced with Coil time. And we’ll stay that way.”

“What . . . What does this mean for us, sir?” Amber asked.

“What does it mean? What does it mean?”

I covered my face, suddenly feeling sick and faint.

“It means, kids, that you’ve all passed with flying colors. There’ll be a big party tonight to celebrate the synchronizing of Hell time with Coil time. Then tomorrow there’s to be an even bigger graduation ceremony. Lucy