Esprit de Corpse

“Let’s discuss this at home. For now, your apology is accepted.”

“We like the way this all wrapped up,” Judge Julius said, caterpillars assuming the happy face position.

“You’re pleased?” Shannon said, cheeks pinking up. “So you can all go to Hell now. Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. I meant—”

“’S okay, girlie. No offense. We all wanna go home. I’ll bet Dante and Kirsty more’n anyone. Right?”

Dante grabbed my hand once more. He activated his scythe saying, “Request permission to go to Hell, sir!”

“Permission granted, Reaper Alighieri.”

I stuck out my tongue at Conrad as I dematerialized. Last thing I saw was him holding up a significant finger at me.

I didn’t need the universal translator for that.

Chapter 17 The Good, the Bad and the Snuggly

HOME. WE WERE going home again. I felt as if we’d been gone forever.

And we were all nice and in love again. It looked like I was going to get off Scott free even though I might have been possibly, perhaps, maybe a teensy bit in the wrong.

And by the way, who’s Scott and why does he get away with stuff?

We materialized in our front hall. I immediately grabbed Dante and tried to kiss him.

Only to have him push me away.

“What? I apologized already for behaving badly. It all worked out.” I tried to kiss him again but he planted his palm in the middle of my chest and straight-armed me, leaving the fun parts on either side untouched. I couldn’t get to him so I stepped back and waited.

“Kirsty. Cara. Your family is now living with us. Ricordi? ”

Oh, right. My aunt and Leslie. We couldn’t have wild monkey sex just anywhere anymore.

Does this pout make me look fat?

Still pouting, I hung my Reaper robe on its hook by the door. I swapped pouting for a proud smile when, for the first time ever, I hung my scythe beside it. I was a real Reaper now. I’d captured my very first soul and helped orchestrate a second one’s creative punishment. My new career was in great shape.

Too bad my sex life wasn’t.

I guess if I had to sublimate sex, I might as well eat. I headed for the kitchen, calling, “Carey! Leslie! We’re home.”

Silence. Maybe they were out. They needed to earn a skegload of points to get out of karmic debt and into a restaurant franchise. I grabbed a huge, freshly baked cookie from a tray on the big plank that served as our table. One great thing about having Leslie around is that she loves to cook.

“Mmm. Geese are who die whore,” I said.

While the universal translator was pretty accurate, it could not handle a mouthful of gingersnap. I chewed, swallowed and re-enunciated: “These are to die for.”

Dante grinned, only a tiny bit of cookie peeking out.

“What’s that?” In a flurry of crumbs, he gestured with his half-eaten cookie at a piece of paper on the counter. It had Dear Kirsty and Dante writ large across the top.

I shoved the rest of the cookie into my mouth in order to free up my hands. Brushing crumbs on my days-old outfit, I unfolded the page.

Dear Kirsty and Dante,

Thanks so much for your hospitality. We enjoyed being welcomed into your lovely home.

However, due to a real lucky streak (and possibly a bit of help from Claire Voyant), we hit the jackpot at the karmic casino. I cleaned up at the floating carps game (it was as easy as shooting fish in a barrel), while Leslie hit the jackpot at the karmic wheel of fortune.

We ended up with enough to pay off our karmic debts, buy the franchise and rent a small apartment near the new restaurant. Claire introduced us to this great surreal estate agent.

We’ll be back to visit soon but all our efforts right now are going into readying the restaurant for business.

So once again, thanks from both of us. Without you, we’d never have realized we’re better off dead.

Lots of love,

Carey and Leslie

P.S: We have Jenni with us so you don’t have to worry about feeding her.

Dante came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder and read the letter. “Bene. This is good news on many levels.”

And here in Hell, we knew about levels.

“Yeah, sure,” I said, sniffling. Again.

“But cara! They have succeeded in only a few days what we expected to take several lifetimes. Is this not good news?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I wiped my nose on my sleeve. After three days’ wear, this shirt was bound for laundry. “It’s just—I liked having them here. I hadn’t lived with them in years and I only lately realized how much I loved them and just when I’d have a chance to show them, they move away and now they’re goin’ to spend all their time at a skegging restaurant. Again!”

I may have wailed that last part.

I spun in Dante’s arms and cried against his chest. His shirt was also going in the wash.

You might think I was overreacting, but arriving home to find Carey and Leslie gone was a little too similar to the day I’d found out my parents had been killed in a car accident. I wasn’t just sobbing for my current sadness, but also for my parents and for the little orphan I’d once been.

And then I stopped. Just like that.

Because it had occurred to me that with my family moved out, Dante and I could go back to our cozy little afterlifestyle a deux.

We could go back to showering together.

We could go back to wandering around the apartment looking like we’d just had sex.

We could go back to having sex all over the apartment.

Like, for instance, here. Now!

Anxious to show how sorry I was for behaving badly (not to mention anxious to not have The Talk about how I’d behaved badly), I shoved Dante up against the nearest hard surface and drew his lips down to mine. We spent long moments kissing. I pulled back, knowing my lips were now as red and swollen from kissing as my eyes and nose were red from crying. I felt like a scarlet woman. I let my beautiful white hair fall across my face to mask a multitude of redness.

Dante began to lick and nibble at my neck and caress my back. He drew my shirt off over my head. Phew! I needed a shower. And if things went right, I’d need one even more in a few minutes.

The way I was feeling, a few minutes was all it was going to take.

I pulled back and hopped up on the table. Dante’s eyes gleamed wickedly as he followed, coming to stand between my legs.

“Are you still mad at me, cara?” He slid his hands over my thighs.

Okay, looked like we were going to have The Talk after all. I sat up straight and stilled his questing hands, answering his question with one of my own. “Are you still mad because I touched your scythe?” And by “touched